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Original poster

My au pair manhandled my dog.... is it gross misconduct?

211 replies

MissionImplausible · 21/02/2020 13:28

We have a camera in the house to keep an eye on the dog whilst we are at work. It's been off for a week or so but I put it back on today and it caught my au pair kicking our dog to get her out of her bed for a wee and then, when the dog didn't move, grabbing her by the collar to lift her clean off her feet and throwing her outside!!!

The au pair has been with us for over a year and knows about the camera but not that it was working again.

I am disgusted and want her out of my house straight away for what I see as gross misconduct - how can I trust her with my child (who is 10yrs old?) BUT a colleague who is playing devils advocate is suggesting a final warning is more appropriate as she has been with us for so long and we've not experienced this before (although perhaps it happens away from the doggy cam?)

Any opinions?

OP posts:
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RandomMess · 23/02/2020 19:18

Hope the conversation has happened and she is busy packing.

MarkHAPA · 23/02/2020 19:10

I have found that these kind of patterns of behaviour are not limited (in this case just to your dog). When someone exhibits a violent pattern of behaviour, knowing that you have a camera then this is a blatant disregard for you and your family, and is unlikely to be limited just to the dog. It's quite likely that she has outgrown the au pair role. I think you have strong enough moral grounds for immediate dismissal. So that she isn't put out into the street, I would suggest offering her a one way plane ticket back home.
Mark
Hampstead Au Pair Agency

Whynosnowyet · 23/02/2020 18:40

Good luck op. Not sure how you have managed to have under under your roof these past nights...

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 23/02/2020 18:14

Bloody hell, OP you are being far too reasonable, this woman kicked your dog then dragged it outside. She deserves nothing except a slap round the face

Avocadohips · 23/02/2020 17:38

Yikes, that's bad timing. Can somebody dog sit/one of you take the day off tomorrow so she can have tge notice and pack and be in the b&b with all her things in the evening without further risk to dog or your possessions?

Veterinari · 23/02/2020 17:37

OP you need to speak to her ASAP

MuttsNutts · 23/02/2020 17:03

Hope it goes ok when you speak to her.

You sound very considerate, more so than she probably deserves, so all credit to you.

Original poster
MissionImplausible · 23/02/2020 15:44

She’s working again today! She has weekends off so no reason for me to know but means that we missed her. Thing is I need to go out first thing tomorrow to collect DD and don’t want to leave her alone with the dog (ever again) so I HAVE to talk to her this evening when she gets in (around 6ish usually) Means she won’t have much time to get her stuff together so I think I’ll offer to store her stuff to collect at a later date if that makes it easier.

I noticed someone thought the dog was on the au pairs bed... the dog was sleeping in her own bed (dog bed) in the living room. Au pair came down stairs, kicked the dog and then hauled her outside because she wouldn't get up to go outside. Dog isn't allowed up stairs.

We have treated her as a huge part of the family - we include her in anything we do and provide her with very generous weekly pocket money, a phone w contract, telly in her room with sky and Netflix etc. To me an au pair is supposed to be like a big sister to your sibling and I have always treated our au pairs like that (our previous au pair is even coming to our wedding!) and I expect her to therefore abide by the same rules and treat the rest of the family with the same respect we have for her.

OP posts:
Herpesfreesince03 · 23/02/2020 14:43

Have you spoken to her op?

whatsleep · 23/02/2020 14:39

Your poor dog, hope you’ve managed to dismiss her without too much upset to your family.

Aridane · 23/02/2020 11:42

@Lougle - very true

dudsville · 23/02/2020 09:39

It was awful to read the OP. I'd feel so terrible to learn that my dog had been abused. It's also awful to read how many people would condone or excuse this behaviour for the variety or reasons listed here. Very sad.

atankofskunks · 23/02/2020 09:34

What happened op?

Onceuponatimethen · 23/02/2020 09:27

I would do exactly what you are doing op.

TooTrueToBeGood · 23/02/2020 09:25

Why should an au pair be expected to deal with dog? Surely you employed her to care for your children? Get a dog sitter or arrange doggie day care and stop trying to get it thrown in on the cheap with childcare.

I don't think you understand what an au pair is. They are not purely child care but are also expected to do other duties which may include elements of housework including dealing with pets. Their duties should be made clear and agreed as part of the initial agreement.

Whether dealing with the dog was an agreed part of the engagement though, "not caring for dog" does not equal "actively physically abusing it".

Fifthtimelucky · 23/02/2020 08:20

Well done, OP!

greasyspooncafe · 22/02/2020 22:08

I'd put her on the first flight home. Why pay for her to stay in the UK?

GrockleRock · 22/02/2020 21:42

God knows what she has been doing out of camera shot.

Aloe6 · 22/02/2020 21:39

Ridiculous comment seltaeb

The au pair should be fitting in with the family lifestyle. If she really doesn’t like dogs, she should say so, not commit a criminal act of cruelty.

Whynosnowyet · 22/02/2020 21:34

The au pair could have not taken a job that involved ddoggy care. Being an animal abuser is inexcusable..

CanIHaveATiaraPlease · 22/02/2020 21:09

That’s a decent way to deal with it op

seltaeb · 22/02/2020 20:40

Why should an au pair be expected to deal with dog? Surely you employed her to care for your children? Get a dog sitter or arrange doggie day care and stop trying to get it thrown in on the cheap with childcare.

Lougle · 22/02/2020 20:33

I hate that behaviour, but where is she from? Many foreign cultures have very different attitudes to dogs and she may have been raised with less of a 'treasured pet' approach to dogs. Would it be worth exploring whether that may be the case? She may just need a clear instruction on how to deal with the dog in an acceptable way and it may not reflect her dealings with children at all.

longtimecomin · 22/02/2020 20:24

I think that's gross misconduct.

maddiemookins16mum · 22/02/2020 19:47

I’m not usually one to pile in on the ‘get rid’ threads BUT, this would really upset me (and I’m more a cat lover). I’d really dislike her for this and I’d need to like the person caring for my child.