My au pair manhandled my dog.... is it gross misconduct?

And said cats fought each other to sit on her lap as close to her neck, purring like steam trains every night, so abused did they feel.....

No, she wasn't 'violent', she just expected that an animal knew its place.

She behaved absolutely no different to anyone else I knew of in regard to household animals!

Am amused at how you've conflated 'hoik' with 'kick' 😂

If this was a “ cultural “ thing, then the Op / husband/ child would have seen this behaviour many times before during the year that the Op has worked for them.

But they haven’t, because she has not done it in front of them. She only does it out of sight. That indicates that she knows it’s wrong , or at the very least that they would not allow it.

My gor-rest-her-soul, mum, b 1930s rural Devon, would readily have swiped a cat off a dining room table, or a bed, would have hoiked a recalcitrant dog out of its bed, with a foot, to do its business.

Then, regardless of culture or generation or whatever, she was violent. I remember my parents (in their 70s, working-class, no-nonsense) certainly using the flat of a hand to push a cat so it got off a table, or lifting the dog bodily out of its bed and onto its feet, but not 'swiping' or kicking.

And I don't buy for a second that handling animals that way means equating a pet's rights with that of a child; it just means not using unnecessary physical force. You just don't kick small animals

We can guess, but we don't know. I can't see where the OP has made any comment about her country's 'animal friendliness'! Unless I've missed something!

Even if she stated it, it may well be meaningless. As I have already said, social background, expectations, ranks of expectation, within a country plays a part.

The ma'am will have a fussy little lap dog. No one dares upset it. Meanwhile, her hunt master is thrashing the hell out of a recalcitrant beagle in the corner of a stable.

All culturally acceptable, if she's English.

Milijea, I think op meant she’s from a country which doesn’t have a less animal-friendly culture, which op knows because it’s also op’s home country

No, her being from the same country as you isn't an excuse. Or vice versa.

I live in a country where some people think ripping a fox apart for sport is okay. Sending terriers down a hole to flush out panicked badgers, to kill, is okay. To kidnap cats off streets to use as bait for fighting dogs is okay.

Being of one nationality is somewhat neither here nor there. Unless you want to tell us what. So we can judge. Based on stereotypes.

Well done op. You did the right thing.

Alexa it's probably not that 'some people are trying to minimise animal cruelty' as much as I, given that I think I am the only one that has raised this- recognise that huge numbers of the world's population do not perceive a dog or a cat to be a family member.

I am not judging those that do - it's increasingly 'our way'. My gor-rest-her-soul, mum, b 1930s rural Devon, would readily have swiped a cat off a dining room table, or a bed, would have hoiked a recalcitrant dog out of its bed, with a foot, to do its business.

Maybe the au pair comes from a culture that does not equate a pet's 'rights' with that of a child? Like most of the world doesn't. (cf 'What if it was your child she did that to?'). As you believe she should not separate the rights accordable to a child to that of a dog, because that is your, and our, expectation.

You need an English au pair!

Well done. Despite being livid along with everyone, I’m glad you booked the b&b for her. You’re a good person and I hope you all find a lovely, animal friendly au pair soon.

The majority of the world has a very different attitude to animals than we do, even those geographically close. It amounts to a 'cultural difference', maybe.

Completely irrelevant. The effect of fear and pain on the poor dog is the same. Amazed at some people here trying to minimise animal cruelty.

You are an amazing ddog owner op!!
You have your ddog's back no question!

Well you've been more than generous OP I just worry about the next family she gets if they have pets

Did she not come through an agency? Surely there's a contract and you can't just kick her out? I absolutely agree she needed to go but not with no notice and the ability to book a ticket home or find a place to stay.

Though I don't expect you to tell us, where is your ex au pair from?

The majority of the world has a very different attitude to animals than we do, even those geographically close. It amounts to a 'cultural difference', maybe.

Well done OP.
The whole bad day thing is BS. If you had a bad day you wouldn't come in and kick the au pair would you

Well done op, been following this

Well done OP

She needs to go .

Horrible situation
Think you've handled it really well

Good!

Yeh I’d get rid