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Original poster

HELP! Negative childminder.

33 replies

VictoriaB02 · 17/01/2020 10:25

I started back at work 2 weeks ago and my 10 month old DS is with the childminder 3 days a week (today is day 6).

The first day when I went to collect him the childminder stated he had been really clingy and she couldn't put him down all day which was challenging for her with other kids. He is only really like this with me when he isn't feeling well.

Every day when we collect him she states that he has been really clingy and upset. When I collected him yesterday she said that she has hurt her shoulder having to cary him around so much and she can't even take the other kids to the bathroom without him having a melt down.

Today he was dropped off and hadn't been there for an hour before I got a message saying he had been really needy.

She has asked if I will stop picking him up when he gets upset to make it easier for her and she is going to leave him to cry rather than picking him up as well.

I feel like she is so negative and I have to remind myself that he is only 10 months old and it's common for them to go through separation anxiety at this stage however he is absolutely fine at home. It's making me feel so guilty and like I have done something wrong as a parent to make him be this way.

I don't know whether he will be better suited at a nursery where there are more people around to distract him. Anyone any advice?

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Original poster
VictoriaB02 · 17/01/2020 10:45

@ApacheEchidna I think I'm going to have to take some time off. My sister has also offered to help and he is absolutely fine when he is with her and my niece.

The settling in sessions she offered were an hour at a time and he was fine during these times although I think it was more the novelty of being somewhere new for a short period of time!

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Original poster
VictoriaB02 · 17/01/2020 10:42

I do think that she has underestimated the care he will need. When I took him inone day to sign paper work she thought that he was over 1 (he is a big boy mind you!).

@pinkyredrose of course I would want to know however I think there is a nice and reassuring way to tell a parent. A few positives don't cost anything. I know I'm probably over sensitive but he is my first baby and it's hard enough going back to work and leaving him without being constantly told how difficult he has been.

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ApacheEchidna · 17/01/2020 10:42

that isn't a good childminder for a 10mo. did you use all your 12 months of Mat Leave and do you have some annual leave in-hand? I think you need to remove your child from that setting immediately as if you have him there during contracted notice he will not be having his needs met. hopefully your employers will be ok with understanding that the childcare situation has taken an unexpected turn and you need a bit more time away to get an alternative set up.

if you have a dc2 - next time start off the settling-in a few weeks before you go back to work, with half days gradually building up while you are still on leave.

many childminders are completely fine and understanding with how clingy a baby with separation anxiety can be. you don't need to give up on childminders but this one is clearly better suited to only taking older children.

userabcname · 17/01/2020 10:32

Personally I would look for another childminder or nursery setting and talk through the situation with them to see how they would deal with the clinginess. 10 months is prime time for separation anxiety so to me it seems normal and I don't think your current childminder is being very sympathetic. I appreciate children have to be left when others are being dealt with but it seems extreme to say at home you shouldn't pick him up! DS was clingy when he first started with his childminder but she was understanding and kind and he came on in leaps and bounds with his confidence after a bit of a shaky start.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 17/01/2020 10:31

That’s harsh. I’m currently settling an 11 month old and yes she’s clingy and settling but it’s exactly what I expect. I’m honest with mum about how she has been but try to reassure her that it’s very normal and I send pics of her happy and playing when I can.

It is tough having a clingy one, sometimes you do just have to pop them down to see to the other children but I’m not really sure what your cm was expecting!

pinkyredrose · 17/01/2020 10:30

How is she negative if she's just telling you what's happened, would you rather she didn't tell you?

SnugStars · 17/01/2020 10:28

Possibly a nursery would be better, but either way I’d be taking him out as soon as you can arrange other childcare. Leaving a 10 month old to cry because it’s more convenient for her is terrible care in my opinion! Don’t let her make you feel bad, he’s just a baby and he’s trying to form a new attachment to her without you around. It’s very early days and she should be being kind and distracting him etc.

Bonkerz · 17/01/2020 10:28

At this age they do go through bad separation anxiety. The childminder should know this is normal. She should only have 2 other children and if she doesn't want to carry him around she should be sat on the floor with him. It can take weeks for a child of this age to settle and it is exhausting but I'd be concerned that his needs are not being met. She needs to be building her bond not pushing him away.
I'm not sure a nursery can offer more but this childminder sounds like she's stretched herself too thin.