Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Cannot decide what to do

31 replies

ellejay33 · 07/01/2020 08:07

I know this will have been discussed hundreds of times but I am stressing out so much.

LO is 11 months old. I go back to work next month 3 days a week. I am feeling horrendously guilty. I understand most people don't have the luxury of taking a years leave and returning part time, I am very grateful that I can do so.

The 2 main things I am worrying about are:

  1. Should I be going back? We can technically afford it if I didn't go back, however I would be using some savings and we wouldn't have any extra money for a holiday or luxuries. I have to go back for 4 months due to the contract I signed but at the minute I am thinking "I will just get the 4 months over with and quit and stay at home and think about work again when he's a bit older". The other part of my brain is thinking I need adult socialising, to use my brain, to contribute to the family financially etc and that it will do me some good to get back to work.
I honestly don't know what to do, I feel so guilty either way.
  1. Have I chosen correctly? I have picked a childminder as I thought it would be good to be more home-like as LO is still quite young. I have worked in nursery settings and will definitely send him to one when he's older. Now i'm worrying if I've made the correct decision.

Basically I feel really pathetic and understand all mums who return to work will go through this but every time I think about it I look at him and burst into tears. I'm not usually like this!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
fringeforever · 07/01/2020 09:44

Give it a go for the four months and see how you feel. I didn't like leaving my child in any sort of childcare setting so I found it difficult. I chose nursery over childminders as I preferred the idea that there were more eyes and more accountability rather than just trusting one person

Original poster
ellejay33 · 07/01/2020 09:06

Thank you guys! I think I just need other mums to tell me I'm not being insane. I don't earn loads but yes, would be a huge buffer if husband lost his job for some reason. If not, I think we would struggle. I think a good way to go into it will be to think "It's 4 months, if it doesn't work out I have the option of quitting and rethinking".

It's so difficult because pre-baby I was very much on the 'I will go back to work' train but obviously everything changes. A lot of my friends are very career focussed so have had baby and gone back to work and I totally agree that staying at home all day every day with LO is quite relentless!

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 07/01/2020 08:47

For me personally part time working is the best. Time away from my children makes me a better mother with them, as I find being at home every day a bit relentless. However you are still home more than at work which means work dominates life less. A childminder you are happy with is great, they can really form a bond. It's an emotional time. Just put the decision on hold for a bit and see how it works for you.

MustardScreams · 07/01/2020 08:32

If you didn’t go back and your dh suddenly got ill/lost his job could you afford to keep everything afloat until things worked out?

I always think it’s better to be working if you can, just for the security. I felt the exact same way before I went back to work, but dd adores nursery and it was by the best decision for us.

Give it the 4 months, see where you’re at. If it’s not working you can decide a plan of action from there. But don’t feel guilty!

FriedasCarLoad · 07/01/2020 08:29

I'm a SAHM of a one year old.

My reassurance would be that

  1. it's totally possible to get plenty of adult conversations and brain-challenges as a SAHM, but you'd need to take the initiative and make more of an effort to do so than if you were working

  2. I value the extra time with my toddler far more than the luxuries we sacrifice for me to be at home. (I'm aware we're in a privileged position that my potential salary isn't vital).

  3. I guess my financial contribution is the thousands we save in childcare!

However

  1. I think it's only really safe to consider being a SAHM if you have the protection of being married.

  2. you need to work out if it would be possible for you to pick your career back up at a later date.

Good luck deciding!

EvaHarknessRose · 07/01/2020 08:17

Your plan sounds fine and four months sounds like long enough to see what is going well and critically evaluate. Feelings are normal - he's precious 🙂