Cannot decide what to do

Most people dont understand the registration requirements for childminders so dont realise its the same. The socialisation argument annoys me like we stay in with 3 children max.....I lead a group singing activity 3 times a week typically 20 plus children the adults are mostly tidying up but all the children aged under 1 to 4 join in ....seeing 20 plus sleeping bunnies is lovely. We stay for group lunch...about 10 children....they line up in pairs to go wash hands we talk about how it will bd in reception for the older ones. All the children are used to at least 5 familiar adults and will seek support from them just like at nursery. They have friendships in the wider group go to parties etc and will know them when they start reception. They self dress can read and write their names...do self registration, hang bags and coats up get themselves drinks all the things included in school readiness. It's just that they know my home and feel part of my family and tend to stay through to secondary school where even then they know they can come in and often do if they had a bad day and parents wont be home for a while.

@ellejay33

I think far too much is made of the 'nursery versus childminder' debate when it’s a false dichotomy. A good nursery will be better than a bad childminder, and a good childminder better than a bad nursery.

But I would add that a good combination of the two can work even better. By that I mean a 'shared care' arrangement: rather than switching lock stock and barrel from childminder to nursery in a couple of years, nor just using a childminder for wraparound care.

Do you have a particular reason for wanting to change childcare settings in mid stream?

Always take quality over style, then stick with it.

@Littlemunchkinsmummy.
Goodluck I'm sure your time away from your lo will mean time together is more special and precious....its the quality of time over quantity that makes memories.

@jannier and @itsaboojum thank you for your advice - it’s given me lots of points to consider. I wasn’t aware of the nursery “issues” I always presumed that a nursery would have cover staff similar to a school set up.

I have been in touch with a CM who has had an outstanding ofsted, who may have availability to take on the little man in March. She seems lovely from the communication we have had. Will be visiting her soon so let’s see..

Again thank you ☺️

@twinboymumma hope it all goes well for you when you’re back at work - it’s daunting isn’t it? Especially when you have two little ones..good luck!

I'm in the exact same boat. Due back in March after a year off but with twins my childcare options are limited (and bloody expensive!). I have secured two days at nursery but I'm wondering if I'd rather stay at home than work.

However... I like the idea of having some of my own money, enjoying using my brain again and having some time to be "me" and not just "mum" (as much as I love it!). If I go back to work and end up hating it, I can reassess. But with my career and length of service, it makes sense to give it a go. Whatever happens I'm sure you will pick the right option. Good luck!

I go in as an assessor to various settings as my other non cm job so see good and bad practice in both but I've seen fewer nurseries I would put a child in. As an assessor the managers are not out to impress me so I see what it's really like for children and staff. Theres a lot of corner cutting. As a cm most of my children have stayed through to reception year 2 left for nursery but were pulled out I had space to take 1 back the other went to a friend cm. Why would you move them at 3?

@Littlemunchkinsmummy

The childminder ratios are as quoted by @jannier are correct. What is more, they apply to childminders working directly with the children.

Nurseries ratios are less straightforward. They vary according to staff qualifications, opening hours, all sorts of things. They can be as high as 1 adult to 13 children. Those staff don’t have to be with the appropriately aged children, as ratios are assessed across the whole premises.

In practice, many nurseries are in severe financial difficulties. This has resulted in a worrying trend where they don’t cover staff sicknesses and just operate on excessively high ratios.

@Littlemunchkinsmummy.
The usual ratio for a childminder is 1 adult to 3 under 5 of which 1 can be under 1. There is a possibility of an exception but that should not be the norm.
Most childminders are rarely Ill you can meet their other parents get references and ask....many also have co minders(registered fully in own right) or assistants others often network and will offer some chance of emergency care with other registered minders that you will have met and your child will know really well.
Many parents worry lo will mistake their carer for a parent or love them more, this never happens lo always loves you most a childminder is just like visiting nanny or aunty lovely fun but not home. What is good for them is the person who brought them in said goodbye to parent with them is the same one who is with them all day who helps them and cuddles them when sad until mummy or daddy come back, there not passed to one of 4 or 5 others

It's because you're so bonded. After a while in work, you'll relish exercising bits of your brain that you haven't used recently, having conversations with adults, being the person you used to be before you became someone's mother.

Financially, it isn't just about income, it's about pension and NI contributions too.

And I also think it's really healthy for children to not view their mothers (and by extension all women) as the sexual whose sole purpose is to run around after them.

Don't feel guilty. Does your husband feel guilty about going to work? I'm guessing not.

Working will bring many benefits not just financial. It's actually easier to work when they're little. It's when they're at school you need the flexibility. I found it much easier to negotiate flexibility when I'd already proven I was a good, reliable worker.

Personally, we chose a nursery because they're open all year round and don't close because of sickness.

My DS started nursery full time at 10 months and absolutely thrived. I was a better parent for working too.

If you don't go back you'll be financially dependent on a man who you have a 50 percent chance of staying with, of course you have to return to work!

I'd do it. It's harder to restart a career later if you have a long full stop. If you can even just keep it ticking over part time or lower band just to keep your hand in you'll be more financially secure in the future and less dependent, and however nice our partners are it doesn't pay to be too dependent in my opinion. Guilt is normal but it will pass when you get a bit of space back. Good luck!

I'm sure you've found a lovely childminder. Try not to worry too much. Ask her how she communicates about your child's day. Maybe she could WhatsApp you a couple of photos in the first days to reassure you.

Ellejay33 your post has hit home for me. I have a 9 month old and I am due to go back to work in March after the 52 weeks. Initially I was going to go back after 39 weeks when SMP ended but I was lucky enough that my husband said that we would manage for the last three months so I could stay home with little one. I am due to have a return to work meeting by the end of the month and will request to return part time and don’t really have a plan of action re childcare. Like you I have signed a contract to return but mine is 6 months and if I decide to quit I have to give 3 months notice. Although I am not thinking of quitting for various reasons.

I have viewed a few nurseries and asked for advice from neighbours with kids who have given opinions in favour of nursery and CM. Initially I was against CMs because I didn’t want little one to become too dependent on a single person. Ratio wise having looked into it the CMs have 4 registered places - so similar to a nursery really who have a ratio of 3:1. I still need to look into CMs further but if they were ill and were unable to have the child what would happen? At least in a nursery there would be sufficient cover. @fringeforever also makes points I agree with in the sense of accountability and so forth..

I guess it’s important not to second guess your decision. Hopefully it will all fall into place for you.

Many eyes does not mean safety things happen in nursery with staff being unaware or too worried about jobs to whistleblow and behind closed doors means less to be seen. Any setting or home or friends can have risk go with what is comfortable and feels right. Put risk into perspective. Your much less likely to have anything untoward happen (yes keep an open mind) than media suggests....a close bond with a consistent adult is far more beneficial to a young child than being handed around various staff and agency cover each day.

1. While you can technically afford it in reality you can't if you are relying on savings to fund you staying at home. If your OH lost his job/got seriously ill/died then you wouldn't have these savings to fall back on.
2. If you felt OK with the CM and got references then should be fine.

@ellejay33 I feel for you. It's a very difficult choice. I drove myself nuts with it

@ellejay33 you probably won't as nothing is ever good enough for your child tbh. Have you viewed any nurseries? I looked at about ten and chose one that had quite a homely feel. I also rationalised that it was probably good for her to have something 'different' from home. But the accountability thing was my main reason