Let down by a childminder after 3 days

If you follow @LotteLupin suggestion then be prepared to pay a lot more. Unless it is an au pair arrangement and she actually moves in then the girl would be a nanny and your employee. As such you would have to pay at least minimum wage, NI contributions and pension contributions. That will end up being a lot more than the £5 or so an hour you were probably paying cm.

I'm assuming with the community centre thing it's a class that your child will be participating with (or at least attending when small) with the childminder looking after all the children they're minding (or their own) during the class. What time had you agreed to drop off? Was it later than the usual pre- work drop off?

The late pick up will have affected her school run. You must appreciate how difficult that it?

How awful for you. It’s so stressful getting back to work after mat leave and it feels doubly difficult if your childcare is unreliable. I was really lucky in finding two cms who were perfect and couldn’t have done more to make dc comfortable and happy and to make me feel confident. I specifically asked about flexibility (obviously being clear from the start that I would always expect to pay extra if this was needed) and this paid off for me. As a teacher they were both happy to have my dc late on parents’ evenings etc and it was a real godsend to know they would do that. One of my friends is a cm and I wouldn’t use her as I know she can’t/ won’t offer that sort of flexibility. That is absolutely her prerogative but my job coupled with the lack of available support beyond my cm means it just can’t work.

I suggest you get your council’s cm list and visit every one who has a space and you could reasonably get to. I had to visit a lot, and go further afield than I really wanted) to find one who I genuinely felt I was happy with (and that was before I even bothered to ask the flexibility question!)

I didn't mean only a Polish girl, but we had one and she was amazing. A girl from anywhere who is nice, and happy to be with your baby.

This is a reverse isn’t it. Yes you (the childminder) are right. The client sounds like fucking hard work, but why the reverse?

Being late for a 3pm pickup could have had an impact on her collecting other children (her own or paid) so possible that she is turning you down to prioritise other, perhaps existing, business as you cannot be trusted not to impact this.

So let me get this right. The first time you dropped your baby off with her, she prioritised a class with her child over settling your baby in? I wouldn't be ok with that at all. I don’t think you did anything terribly wrong with collecting your baby second as a one off. However, in hindsight you should have called and asked then offered to pay extra.

She doesn’t sound like a good fit at all. Lucky escape actually. Try looking for someone, who will treat your children the same whether it be her own children or other minded children.

I agree you don't sound like a good fit - I don't think she's done anything wrong. Why are you concerned she wouldn't be looking after your child while hers was in a class? My. Childminder takes one of her charges to a dance class and the other 2 go with her. My daughter loves it too and she joins in a bit and has her tea while there. It's fine. Why didn't you just talk to her about it instead of just deciding she was irresponsible?

Also, yes, you were v rude to just decide you were going to be late. She probably thought if you could do it day 2,you'd be doing it every week when it suited you and you'd be 'one of those'

Sounds like you had a lucky escape and this childminder’s prioritising her own kids and also not understanding of your responsibility to your older child and the school’s rules if they are sick. In that situation I can’t see you had any choice but to delay pick up while you collected your older child and it seems she is being inflexible.
It’s tough but better to find out now than to have it not working once you are properly back at work.

I'm assuming if you were late for a 3pm pick up and you mentioned she has the school run, would she then had to have taken your baby with her to collect her child? I can understand her annoyance, and she has a right o not want to continue something if it's unreliable and she has her own responsibilities to her child. Hopefully you can find someone who will stick with you.

Thy first day sounds terrible why on earth would she think it's appropriate. Sounds like someone who is just doing it for the money in order to stay at home with their own child. Run a mile and be glad that you escaped early. In my experience good childminders are like gold dust and have to search far and wide to find them. There are so many terrible ones out there. Have a look at nurseries also as they are a lot more reliable

It’s a mutual relationship, you and she don’t suit each other is all. That’s why you have these trial periods,

The fact that you were late picking up on day 2 or 3 is the key here. Did you offer to pay extra for collecting late? By not sticking to the agreed times so early in the relationship, you’ve shown the childminder that you don’t value her time. She probably thought you’d end up being one of “those parents”.