Childminders...could you describe your relationship with your families?

Shame the OP never came back. Would have been interested in her responses.

I find it the greatest compliment when strangers think that they're all my own kids.
Yes - or they ask if they are all mine and when I say one is, they can't tell which one I treat all the children as I would want my own to be.

I do door step handovers too so no long chats with parents at drop off or pick up, they don't spend long in my house.

I'm friendly but professional.

I celebrate children's birthdays and give small gifts (eg a book) at Christmas and birthdays. I'm caring and affectionate towards the children.
I'm available and responsive for parents to communicate about their child or care - within limits, I don't respond to anything between 10pm-7am, on weekends or when I am on holiday.

I'm not friends with the parents, I don't have them on Facebook, see them socially, ask about their private lives or share much of mine beyond chit-chat.

What kind of things are you not seeing with your CM that you'd like to see?

I am still in contact with some of my mindees now 26 24 18 17 13 8 and 11 different families who made the effort many more have not bothered since the day they no longer needed me. All have been treated the same to start with mutual respect, curtisy and me doing whatever I could to be flexible some returned the flexibility others didn't once they start to be silly waiting outside in cars until dead on time or late, asking for 10 mins credit etc I'm less flexible and 100% contract but just as curtious the children always treated as I would want my own no matter what.

I think I know what you mean - you were hoping for a long lasting family friendship to develop, and it hasn't.

It is hard for you to see the bond between childminder and the children, as you are only there at pick up/drop off. The bond you have with the childminder is totally different and it is an employee type relationship in some ways.

I used to work as a nanny. Again the bond is very tricky to get right. In the end, however, whilst nannies and the children may spend long days together over many years and may love each other, it is only a job. The nanny is entitled to leave whenever she likes. That's the hard part for the families to deal with.

If your children are well cared for I don't see what the issue is.

Not sure what you want from her, girly chats nights out, offers of free childcare? Ia she interested in your child and listening to any problems child related?

I also agree with others closer to some than others. However I always do maintain my personal boundaries. I have had to report a parent of a child I had known for many years due to a disclosure from child. I hope I never have to do this again but it’s important to remember.

Also whilst I care for many of my families it is quite one sided in the sense I won’t be dumping my problems on you, telling you my worries. Your child arrives . I am in cm mode and it becomes about your child not me.

The other thing is parents who want to chat after hours . I may of worked 12 hours and whilst sometimes there is something that needs discussing . I have never been asked by any parent if it is convenient.

I actually have a lovely bunch of children and parents at the moment who I think we have a good relationship with.

Are you going to come back OP?

I’d agree with the above, some of my families I get in better than others. I know one of my mums thinks of me as a close friend, but I don’t see her like that. She is a parent of a child I look after but I don’t feel I have anything other than her child in common with her. I’m chatty with all of them, they know a lot about my life and my dc as I see them all so often (more often than my actual friends), but unless I’m friends with them before they start with me, I have never become friends with them once they are customers.
My mum was also a cm and did become close friends with one family. The dc are now in their 30s and she has been to their weddings, dc christenings, helped through family traumas. That’s really special to see.

I think as long as you pay on time, drop off and collect on time (remember that dropping off 5 minutes early is really frustrating to cms) and are honest and don’t have outlandish requests (eg I want dc to have a nap in the cot at the time you are actually doing the school run) your relationship with your cm will be fine. Definitely don’t move your child if they are happy and enjoy going there. The cm/dc is the most important relationship in this.

"it all feels very one sided"

Is your childminder:
-reliable and punctual?
-accommodating when possible?
-polite?
-approachable?

Does s/he provide
-a suitable range of toys and activities?
-a safe and clean place for your child to play?
-feedback on your child's interests, activities and achievements?
-some educational or stimulating activities?

Is your child happy to attend their setting (allowing for any separation anxiety and that they'd probably rather be at home)?

If so then I'd say that that is what you are paying for and it isn't one sided.

I'm a childminder and I'd hope that my families would say that about me. I try to treat all the children I look after the same and. I find it the greatest compliment when strangers think that they're all my own kids. I had one lady say "but you're so nice to them, I thought they must all be yours".

At the end of the day though... It's a job. I've had families, where I cared for their children 5 days a week from 7 til 6, and they've left without a thank you; or where I've had a nice card, but never heard from them again. It's very hard, but ultimately you can't get too attached to other people's children.

It’s a difficult one to describe actually. I find I’m closer to some families than others. Some are very private, some are oversharers!

I think the longer I’ve been a childminder, the more I try to remain stepped back. Not to the children, I always feel close to them, but it can be very hard to bring up issues if you’re friends with them. I’m friendly and if a friendship develops naturally then great, but I don’t force it. I have my own friends

What are you expecting? Could it be too much? She’s a childcarer not a personal friend.

To add, I'm just wondering how best to answer your question! What did I do in addition to the care?
I always bought birthday and Christmas presents for the children. We'd bake a cake, have balloons, a little party etc. I would babysit for them. I didn't buy the parents gifts, but with the children we would make cards for birthdays, Father's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas, other siblings birthdays etc. We keep in touch on Facebook.

Do you always pick up/ drop off on time? That's a big one as well as paying on time. Do you communicate if plans change?

I was always naturally very fond of the children in my care. I think that was very obvious to the parents, and as well as their safety and opportunity to thrive, being in a loving environment was important to them. My nature is warm and friendly so I developed easy, casual relationships with the parents. Some liked to linger for a chat. Some liked to get to work or go home, but I was sure to maintain a reassuring relationship with the parents as well as the children. I miss childminding!

She is running a business though and you are paying her for a service. She is probably wary of getting too close and the professional lines being blurred, perhaps she has been taken advantage of by families in the past and this is how she protects herself.

If your children are happy with her and you have no concerns about their care then I would leave them there.

I was a minder for many years and the family relationship varied with the families. Some became very close friends others remained business like. Experienced childminders can be wary of becoming too,friendly with parents. You sound like ideal parents, but so many take advantage. My relationship with the parents never affected how I dealt with the children.

If your children are happy, don’t move minders.