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Concerns regarding au pairs references, opinions please (sorry long)

65 replies

StarryStarryNight · 31/07/2007 22:20

Girl 1.
It is probably strikingly obvious, but she seems to be so nice, have good experience, but I have issues with her references. She has been nanny for 7 months in Poland, and summer au pair in London from March to July, she is currently in Poland, with a return ticket in August.

She emailed me a reference (unsigned) from a man in Poland with his address and phone number. Cant get through on the phone.
I emailed her and told her that, and I ask for references from her employer in London and a phone number to call. She emails back 4 days later, apologizing saying she has connectivity issues, gives me a new number, a UK mobile number, so I dont know if it is for her English employer, or her Poland employer who is now in Poland. Tried to call her, but cant get through. The UK mobile number is not working either.

So, in effect, I can not check her references.

Girl 2.
She is currently au pair in Germany for the last 9 months, due to go back to Poland shortly. I have asked her for reference for this family and a phone number to call, but she has ignored this question, possibly because she is still working there and might not have handed her notice in. She seems very nice, have sent lots of photos of herself and the kids, and has been working in nursery with disabled children and a dance instructor for teenagers. She wants to study to become a teacher and needs better English.

I am really in two minds, I have been searching long, and there really seem to be hard at the moment to find good girls.

Do references not mean anything anymore? Should I give girl one the benefit of the doubt, or forget her? Should I push girl 2 harder for references, have my polish husband call her and find out what the issue is?

At this rate I will be looking for a part time live out nanny next, and that would not be as good as somebody live in. I cant afford a qualified live in nanny, and the kids are at school and nursery (part time nursery). I work part time.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NKF · 03/08/2007 07:40

It might be a question of timing. The au pairs will start looking at the end of the summer holidays.

scienceteacher · 02/08/2007 22:58

I would walk away from this one, SSN. You have to go with your instincts.

Can you vamp up your profile on APW - really sell the job? You also need to check in every day to keep your profile bumped up.

I don't think my job is inherently attractive (5 kids, 20 miles from London), but still get loads of applications. I also have a webpage where I can quickly share additional details and add answers to typical questions.

StarryStarryNight · 02/08/2007 22:52

science,
last time I used aupair world I had 5-6 applications daily! I did not contact even ONE girl myself first. I was spoilt for choice. Picking my au pair was not hard at all.

This time it is horrible. I have had 3 applications in 2 weeks. I have contacted 30 odd girls. Half have said no, the other half, have been a mediocre lot.

Regards to references, with the bloke my friend spoke to today for reference, I think he was the girls boyfriend in London (london mobile) posing as employer. SHE said she was looking after a 2 year old, HE said she was looking after a 6 and an 8 year old. I have spoken to my friend in detail about the conversation, and he sounded like a sleepy teenager who did not know what to say, rather than a working family father. I would have brought this deceiptful girl to my home to care for my children had I not made a point about the reference.

OP posts:
alycat · 02/08/2007 22:52

Quattro,

Look here CV Checks

Also can get 10% off if quote APUK266 (the discount is really aimed at APs from that website but I'm sure you could blag it!) don't know how much it is but may be worth a look. Says they do passport verification and visa checks etc

scienceteacher · 02/08/2007 22:46

I've had lots of aupairs now, and I don't bother with references. The only bad choices I have made have come via an agency where I did have references. All the ones I've recruited myself (through Aupairworld.net) have been fine.

I tend to pre-screen them by their profiles to give a good chance of success. I like them young (18-21), doing their gap year before going off to some fantastic uni course.

There are loads of good girls on aupairworld.net. When I was advertising for my next aupair, I was really spoilt for choice - had about a dozen really good candidates to choose from.

alycat · 02/08/2007 22:44

NKF - Our perks are fridge/kettle/tv/dvd/cd in room. Sole use of laptop and free access to 8meg broadband whilst here. Free English courses at local college - 1 train stop away. 2(or more) 5* holidays a year - we took our lovely 17yr old Finn to Cyprus for 2 weeks all expenses paid in July(and wages paid although still work hours). We are going to EuroDisney in Autumn, Chicago and Devon in March, Italy in July. We also keep ponies, which some people have been interested in.

And obviously our adorable DCs!

Ours is going back to finish her a level =, but may take a year out to improve her English as she wants to study Phsycology in England so may come back to us next year.

Quattro am just looking!

StarryStarryNight · 02/08/2007 22:35

Maybe nannyj, but what career progression is there in cleaning? As a nanny, you have many more options, dont you? Assuming you were to move away from nannying?

OP posts:
nannyj · 02/08/2007 22:33

Nah cleaners definately earn more than nannies, well they do in my area anyway.

StarryStarryNight · 02/08/2007 21:37

Well it is progression, I would not want a girl who has no other life ambition than staying an au pair. However, cant see that becoming a cleaner is a very longsighted ambition either, wouldnt nanny be a better step up? My last au pair spoke so well English I gave her the floodlight catalogue and said chose any course that does not conflict with your hours. She chose Fitness Instructor Gym. Has now moved out and works as a gym instructor, planning to become a personal fitness trainer. I rather have a girl in my home with plans and stamina to carry it out.

However, FINDING such a girl is proving rather difficult! I have this horrible childcare situation to sort out, and now I only have one week to do it in....

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alibubbles · 02/08/2007 15:25

I like Polish girls and have had two as daily aupairs, the trouble is they get more money as cleaners now, £7.50 an hour, minimum here in Herts, so do that instead.

Mine left after 2 years and rents a flat in ther city centre with boyfriend who does gardening and she cleans all day long making a fortune!

StarryStarryNight · 02/08/2007 15:16

Eleusis, that is a good idea, but I think it will be tricky to find out what paper to advertise in.

I should maybe ask my last au pair, she was such a great girl, she might have friends...

OP posts:
eleusis · 02/08/2007 14:57

Is it possible to advertise in Poland? Put an ad in paper ther and give an e-mail address?

StarryStarryNight · 02/08/2007 14:29

Eleusis yes, I am looking for a polish girl. My husband is polish, it makes it easier for us to have a polish girl than hungarian or french for example. Also because we are raising our boys trilingual (trying to at least), and a polish girl would be able to read some of our polish books to them, and sing polish nursery rhymes, etc.

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eleusis · 02/08/2007 14:24

I'm not sure, but i think I recall that you were looking specifically for a Polish girl, is that right?

I can certainly preach for hours about how to hire a nanny when not offering top market rates. I know that tune oh so well.

Quattrocento · 02/08/2007 14:23

Alycat - thanks for that - I really didn't know - would very much appreciate link if you have it

NKF · 02/08/2007 14:12

Could you offer some other sort of perk? You need a country loving girl.

alycat · 02/08/2007 14:10

I agree with SSN, I'm not offering a flat or a car - a pretty bedroom and a shared bathroom with the children with a bus 200 yds and a mainline train 1 mile (my DH walks there and back everyday). Many girls turn their noses up at lack of perks.

StarryStarryNight · 02/08/2007 14:10

Eleusis, I have tried aupair world. net, and there is nothing happening on great au pair, they list girls who have not logged in since May. I also advertised on Gumtree, and have had very interesting responses from male spanish aupairs and girls who write at lengtht that they dont know what to do with their lives!

My last au pair I got of au pair world, and that was so easy, and she was so great!

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NKF · 02/08/2007 14:08

SSN - I see. I'd still keep trying though. You're clearly not sure about either. Good luck.

alycat · 02/08/2007 14:08

SSN,

Chase the Polish girl (with the Polish family) like mad!!

Experience in the country *

She is in Surrey, are you in London? Can you meet her?

I agree with another poster, if you are having doubts and talking yourself into it....then she's not right. Believe me I felt this way about the Barbra Cartland addicted (I kid you not)Australian and talked myself into it on the grounds that she was the best of a bad bunch - nightmare.

StarryStarryNight · 02/08/2007 14:08

And I cant afford to pay the inflated rates some rich london families pay their aupairs.
I can only afford the standard rates of £55 for au pair and £70 for au pair plus (in addition some other bonuses such as oyster card and telephone). Some very wealthy London families let their au pairs have loft studios, and pay up to £120 per week just for somebody to take their kids to school and pick them up. Many clever girls have caught on to this, and goes to UNI while they are au pairs...

OP posts:
eleusis · 02/08/2007 14:06

I'm sorry Starry, but I don't think you should hire either of these girls. I think your problem is timing. Everyone who wanted a job for the summer probably started it a month or so ago. So the market is probably depleted.

Have you looked for Polish girls who are already in the UK through greataupair.com? You might find there are people ending summer jobs at the end of next month and looking for work.

alycat · 02/08/2007 14:04

NKF, YES!!! It is nigh on impossible for many parents including me, they see the words Special Needs and Rural and head for the hills (well London anyway)

StarryStarryNight · 02/08/2007 14:03

The thing is, girl 1 spoke very good english on the phone, so I doubt it is for linguistic reasons she is not responding to my questions regarding references, she delays with responding and then blaming connectivity, etc.

On her latest mail she wrote in caps loc and basically said: "Dont worry I have not changed my mind, see you soon". But no info on reference situation. Thought that was a little cheeky.

OP posts:
alycat · 02/08/2007 14:02

@ Starry, maybe I'b been a member for 2 yrs.

@Quattro, there is an agency that does international crb style checks - they do cost more though (crb in UK= £60ish not sure for international)I will try to find the link later.

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