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Original poster

Concerns regarding au pairs references, opinions please (sorry long)

65 replies

StarryStarryNight · 31/07/2007 22:20

Girl 1.
It is probably strikingly obvious, but she seems to be so nice, have good experience, but I have issues with her references. She has been nanny for 7 months in Poland, and summer au pair in London from March to July, she is currently in Poland, with a return ticket in August.

She emailed me a reference (unsigned) from a man in Poland with his address and phone number. Cant get through on the phone.
I emailed her and told her that, and I ask for references from her employer in London and a phone number to call. She emails back 4 days later, apologizing saying she has connectivity issues, gives me a new number, a UK mobile number, so I dont know if it is for her English employer, or her Poland employer who is now in Poland. Tried to call her, but cant get through. The UK mobile number is not working either.

So, in effect, I can not check her references.

Girl 2.
She is currently au pair in Germany for the last 9 months, due to go back to Poland shortly. I have asked her for reference for this family and a phone number to call, but she has ignored this question, possibly because she is still working there and might not have handed her notice in. She seems very nice, have sent lots of photos of herself and the kids, and has been working in nursery with disabled children and a dance instructor for teenagers. She wants to study to become a teacher and needs better English.

I am really in two minds, I have been searching long, and there really seem to be hard at the moment to find good girls.

Do references not mean anything anymore? Should I give girl one the benefit of the doubt, or forget her? Should I push girl 2 harder for references, have my polish husband call her and find out what the issue is?

At this rate I will be looking for a part time live out nanny next, and that would not be as good as somebody live in. I cant afford a qualified live in nanny, and the kids are at school and nursery (part time nursery). I work part time.

Any suggestions?

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NannyCheck · 07/08/2007 17:25

I hope it works out well with your nanny- can only stress that proper checks are essential no matter how well the candidate comes across at interview.

In my 5 years experience of background checking nannies etc I have seen ALL SORTS of tricks pulled out of the bag.

Remember that references aren't just about hearing your candidates strengths and weaknesses- they are about verifying the information provided on the CV and checking to the best of your ability that nothing has been omitted.

You should make sure the CV shows dates of employment from month to month (ie Mar 06- June 07), ask referees what the dates were without presenting the information first, and then press the issue if it doesn't match up with the CV provided.

Explore any gaps in employment and don't be scared to ask referees if they know what the candidate did BEFORE they employed them- this can be a useful way of distinguishing if the nannies CV is a true representation of their history.

Good luck!

Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 06/08/2007 16:00

I have created a different log in on my laptop for the aupairs, they can store their files, photos, but dont have access to mine, and they dont have administrator priviliges. I dont snoop in THEIR things, that is private, I just dont want them to snoop in mine....

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MightyMoosh · 06/08/2007 14:24

Perhaps in perspective as a nanny I'd expect more trust than an aupair, as this is my career and I have been in childcare all my life. I still dont know if I would ever employ someone unqualified especially for under 5's.

pianoplayer · 06/08/2007 13:28

i now agree with monitoring Au pairs activities on the computer ( except i don't know how to go about doing it yet). I have just found out that our Au pair has been sharing our family photos and sending personal info about us because she forgot to close down the computer when she finished using it. its made even more suspicious as she always deletes history after using it after I found out she was plonking the kids infront of the T.V and logging on the computer.

Uptil this point I would never have bothered to check up.

nightynight- where do i look windows?

MightyMoosh · 06/08/2007 13:24

scary... as a live-in part of my 'perks' was use of the families laptop, as I couldnt get one to take abroad in time. so you're really stuck! It's so hard when you're not trusted. I've never looked at anything confidential, gone through drawers or cupboards (you always see that on films and tv when theres a babysitter, gives us a bad name!) I couldnt care less how much my employer earns or whats under her bed. But its hard to prove yourself.

Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 06/08/2007 13:05

Mightymoosh, I guess it is the same in any job, you dont use your employers computer to moan about the employer...

My last au pair told me how au pair and nanny friends of hers were even going through their family's bank statements and discussing their financial choices!

As a live in nanny / au pair a great deal of trust is laid upon you, you are a stranger in somebody's home, you have their keys, alarm codes, can see their bank statements and other sensitive information.

I for sure would install both keystroke loggers and email filter to ensure none of this leaves the house!

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MightyMoosh · 06/08/2007 12:45

yeep... the idea of someone watching what I do on the internet scares me witless... not that I do anything bad, but I do send emails home, especially when abroad, which bitch and moan because you do need to moan sometimes! Its not always true! And the way I chat with my non-childcare friends is totally different to how I am with the kiddies... now I'm paranoid...

Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 05/08/2007 22:19

Nightynight. That is a good point. I will be monitoring.

I have found my girl now, I hope it works out, she is the best by far. It also helps she is from Norway, so we have communicated in Norwegian, easier for me to assess nuances, and I have been taking up references in the same language. Spoke to them today, and I dont believe it was fake. She has been looking after 3 kids, so think she will be more than capable. And the best part is that she was keen on us. Possibly because it is less scary to go to somebody from your own country, reckon her parents would be more keen to let her go then? For her this really is just a gap year, not a ticket to have work and accommodation lined up in the uk so she can come and look for other work.. I so hope it works out.

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Nightynight · 05/08/2007 19:48

no, hidden copies made by Windows. Windows copies everything if you know where to look for it

scienceteacher · 05/08/2007 18:12

Google Desktop, Nightynight?

Nightynight · 05/08/2007 14:22

starry, I have other questions that I ask them. I like to have a several chats, during which I ask them about themselves, and encourage them to talk. The more someone talks, the harder it is to hide anything. If their reactions and answers don't add up, I refuse their application.

Also, I ask them quite a lot of "what would you do in this situation" type questions. Again, it's hard for them to hide lack of experience or the wrong sort of reactions.

We also have another big turn-off for APs who aren't serious - we have 4 children! So we generally only get the ones who feel confident with 4 children applying!

I also do quite a lot of checking up on APs when they are here - eg I monitor computer use without them knowing. I have in the past read what they posted on chat sites about our family! (never let on to the AP though)

yogimum · 04/08/2007 19:47

starrystarrynight, it wasn't you it was another post.

Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 04/08/2007 17:28

Nightynight,
If I hadnt bothered with references I would haved brought to my home a deceiptful girl, who knows what else she would lie about?
I find that asking for references and checking them is giving some usefult indications to their suitability and their personality. I get suspicious if they are dodging the question!

Yogimum, parents occupation has no bearing an on au pairs suitability and I have never asked that question.

Mightymoosh, that is useful to know thanks. The perks I now highlight in my profile is cd player / radio in room, full use of internet (wireless broadband), mobile phone, bus pass and a bicycle at their disposal.

Alibubbles, each situation is individual, and even I realise that you have no need to speak about career progression for a dentist/physiotherapist who takes a year as au pair to learn better English. I am specifically talking about young girls who have just finnished equivalent to A-Levels, thought that was obvious. On the previous occasion when I used Au Pair world, I got applications from psychologiests and peadiatric nurses etc. No such high quality applicants this time around.

HOWEVER, it looks like I am getting there, have found a lovely 19 year old Norwegian girl, she is pleasant like sunshine about references, have emailed me her passport front page and given me the number to a family she used to do babysitting with. Fingers crossed.

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yogimum · 04/08/2007 13:07

I would be offended if someone asked me what my parents did for a living. My father was a lorry driver and my mother a housewife. This had no reflection on my upbringing. We were still brought up with manners.

Nightynight · 04/08/2007 12:43

like scienceteacher, I never bother with references because they are so easily faked. The refs in your current case, sound a bit clumsily faked, starry!

Recruiting at this time of year is a nightmare ime. Our gorgeous Kenyan AP leaves in November, I am going to try and get her to recommend someone, and get them a visa.

MightyMoosh · 04/08/2007 12:29

I'm live in nanny, and the perks that have made me choose my job over the other I was offered was fridge, wireless (I'll have to bring my own laptop though), seperate bathroom (big big perk) and the fact the family doesnt want to eat with me at night, my last job did sometimes require it and I spent SO LONG waiting when I could be sleeping or doing something else!

alibubbles · 04/08/2007 10:43

starrystarrynight, my au pairs have been a physiotherapist, a dentist, and a teacher with a law degree, but they earn more as cleaners here. The last one ssposke fluent Japanese and mandarin, but was perfecting her english, so I don't know what careeer progression they should be looking for

The dentist was saving to set up here or buy into a practice.

Admittedly they are not in their teens, but none have been older than 26 years old

Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 03/08/2007 19:44

Fingers crossed! I have been talking at lenght with a 19 year old norwegian girl on msn today, and it is looking promising, I have photocopy of her passport, and she will get back to me with phone number I can call for somebody she has been babysitting with a lot. please please please let something work out!!! [fingers and toes crossed emoticon]

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Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 03/08/2007 11:25

Science, thanks. I have checked, our local colleges has stopped doing this. I shall look out for other suitable courses which I may offer to pay for au pair after christmas when she has proved her suitability with our family, as part of her Au Pair plus payment.

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scienceteacher · 03/08/2007 10:31

They are funded by the borough adult education dept, and located wherever adult education takes place

Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 03/08/2007 10:29

Science, I am in Putney, which is still London.
I havent found any free classes around here. Are yours through your local colleges? Are they offered by the council?

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scienceteacher · 03/08/2007 10:18

You don't sound too far from me, SSN. I live in Staines, and we have free language classes in Staines, Egham, and beyond, and there are both day and evening classes available.

It's really good for an aupair to do classes because that way she will make friends. It's something to really encourage, and part of the aupair ethos.

Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 03/08/2007 10:05

Science, I have updated mine with less information, maybe it was too heavy duty to read for somebody who dont speak english well.

I have taken away the money bit from mine. As I can only afford to pay the standard rates. I do mention the train, it takes just 30 minutes to central london, I mention the river and parks, tennis courts, leisure gentre and swimming pools locally.

I am not giving info on english courses as they are not free, cost ranging from £140 per week, to £180 for 20 weeks. But I am looking for au pair plus, and if they want english courses it will be hard to combine this with their duties. I dont know where to find free language courses, could you recommend something?

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scienceteacher · 03/08/2007 10:00

I try to sell the London bit on my profile - train info (35 minutes from Waterloo), and also talk about local free language classes, and other local attractions.

The kind of au pairs I am looking for are the ones who basically want to spend a year in or near London.

I also mention money and terms on the profile.

Original poster
StarryStarryNight · 03/08/2007 08:15

I sent an email to Girl 1, where the reference did not check out as I suspect it was her boyfriend, basically saying I was sorry but we would not take this further with her as her reference was not very favourable. If he really was her boyfriend, it might make her think twice?

I will have a closer look at my profile. I have lots of pics of us and the boys, nice pictures.

I am not selling myself I suppose, I am honest about what it is like, and I am emphsaising the great area we live in (south west london) with close links to central london, great city centres nearby, and plenty of parks.

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