Our future au pair wants the email address for our current au pair..... What should I do?

I always offer to provide contact details for previous girls who've looked after my kids. Just so they know we're not flesh-eating aliens living in flea pit with bizarre sexual practises involving ikea furniture.

I'm not sure it's comparable to starting a new job really. Put yourself in her position. This girl is most likely getting off a plane having never met you or seen your home. It's a big gamble. She's going to be with you 24/7 for months. Personally I think it's a sign of good faith.

I doubt AP1 will pass on bad habits to AP2 during reference process. You can guide AP1 in the sort of information you suggest she provides (she'd probably find that helpful actually, as they rarely know what to write). I'm not suggesting you write the reference, just that you list the areas she covers, and that that list doesn't include how/what duties she does/doesn't do.

Have you thought about asking for a character reference from someone else (for AP2)? School teacher? Priest? Someone responsible who knows her well?

If I was an au-pair I don't think I'd work for a family that refused this request - she is putting a lot of faith in you and moving her whole life.

Maybe explain that things never really worked out with you and current AP and then leave them to discuss (once your current AP agrees). Yes they will gossip and you can;t stop it. It doesn't mean that your new AP isn't capable of making her own judgements, etc.

IME they discuss what you are like what the kids are like, do you treat them OK, do they get proper time off/privacy, and so on. Nothing that will affect your ability to start with clean slate in day one.

Not really in agreement. If your current au pair is not up to your standards then surely it would not be advisable for her to have a handover period with the new aupair...as the old one will just teach the new one all of her bad habits and you will be back to square one!

I would go with the suggestion that your current aupair doesn't want to give out her contact details but that you will pass her email onto her and see if she will make contact..then don't!!

Alternativly you could just explain to new ap that old ap has been lazy and you want a fresh start..that way she will not see you as a pushover from the start.

I would not personally be happy about some of my past ap speaking with their replacement..although some of them I would be perfectly happy. It just depends on each individual situation.

Go with what you are happy with and if the new ap doesn't like it then she prob isn't the ap for you anyway and you will all have saved alot of heartache!!

Jenna

I have I think it's quite normal to have a 'handover period' in a lot of jobs, especially if it is an internal promotion

well just say "i will give [current aupair] your details and tell her to get in touch as i don't think she'd like me to hand out her personal e-mail" and then don't!

Its a fair request, but you shouldn't pass on the previous au pair's contact details without checking with her first.

seems a tad unfair as I am sure you would like to talk to an au pair's former employer, why should she not talk to your former employee?

Hi Streetwise

I don't think that this is an unreasonable request. Your future au pair is taking just as much a gamble on you as a family as you are on her as an au pair and the best way of mitigating that risk is to speak to your current au pair. Your current au pair may also be able to provide useful insights into how to work with your family.

All our nannies have met their replacements and spent time with them as part of a hand-over. They could have gossiped about us during that time, although I suspect that they didn't find us that interesting.