AIBU - how much does your au pair eat

The French don't do snacking, only for children at 4. That;s why their chn eat their meals and stay slim.

TBH I think that an au pair either eats with the children OR with the parents but shouldn’t be preparing or eating meals on her own. Au pairs are meant to be part of family life and, as much as anything, what kind of role model is it for young children to have a young adult in their home who is living in the sidelines of family life?

I see a couple of options for the food. Give her her own shelf in fridge, freezer and cupboard and either stock it yourself (you could accompany it with a meal plan that states 2 sausages and chips, so that she knows it's not six at a time!) and ensure it includes more than enough stodge for her to fill up on, or give her a weekly budget and she buys food herself. Is there really no veg she eats at all?? You could also make enough of your evening meal that you routinely leave her a (large!) tupperware of it for her to reheat at 6pm the following evening.

remember when I was au pairing in a strict French home I would be STARVING and they did zero snacking and zero eating away from the family dinner table. I came home very slim!

And what is wrong with that?

Does she eat with you at weekends?

Most of the food she is eating doesn’t sound very healthy but does she buy it or do you have it in the house?

Agree with cranston, I made sure there were frozen pizzas, soups, bread, cheese and eggs, jam (all things she’d told me she liked! She wasn’t into fruit or veg).

I do remember when I was au pairing in a strict French home I would be STARVING and they did zero snacking and zero eating away from the family dinner table. I came home very slim!

And 9 pm is three hours too late for german people. You wouldn't like waiting till midnight either I guess.

I don't think that you should dictate how much another adult (and one in your employ) should eat. However, it would be fine to tell her which foods are not unlimited and which are. Just make sure that there are a couple of unlimited options (bread, cheese, eggs, popcorn, spaghetti, beans etc)

@HenrnyPennyHorror I'm 49 and I can remember what I was eating aged 20. Oh & drop feed was an autocorrect ( new phone).

Come on now, how, realistically, are you going to say to someone, "you're chomping too much" without making them feel like shit?

She's probably happy eating away in front of Netflix or something. There is joy in comfort food and watching something on screen after a long day with children - why would she want to give that up to eat at the kids' table??? I would be eating my own arm off if I had to wait til 9pm to eat and by that point I would be in a serious grouch and not in the mood to talk.

As a pp said, make your expectations crystal clear for when the children are in her care and otherwise just let her get on.

Good god, you must know there is no such thing as a normal amount for a twenty year old to eat. Everyone is different.

If she is slim then she's burning it off. You cannot control her food intake. She's not some form of slave where she is allowed set portions.

If you don't have a financial issue then back off.

chocolate as a reward*

I think you are confusing au pair with children.

Gertrude I don;t bloody well remember what I ate at 20 either! I'm 47...it was a looong time ago.

And the term is 'Drip feed' not 'Drop Feed'.

What a strange thread. How come the op doesn't remeber what she used to eat when she was 20?
Does she see au pairs as a separate species?
Why the drop feed ?

ReapersHowler A take away serving is not a regular serving size though. A 1/4 pounder is a regular serving of meat.

Sixth is not a big deal, some of them come for six months. Some people need ten years of childcare. Is that a crime?

I have been an au pair, really needed my own space at the end of the day. I’ve also had three au pairs, one of them ate an enormous amount (compared to us, and we eat a lot). I just resorted to making a lot of student-type food like huge pasta bakes and lasagnes. I did find it overwhelming as I was having to do much bigger grocery shops and cook over twice as much as I did normally. Plus I couldn’t ever have a rest and just put together a few things or leftovers, I felt like part of the deal was providing a meal and she really needed/expected a big one!

I did actually change my job at this point as I found the whole situation overwhelming for various reasons, so now we don’t have an au pair.

Some 20 year olds do eat an enormous amount! I ate a lot when I was twenty too.

How is she able to serve herself that amount of food? Are you planning for leftovers but she eats it all? I would buy a chicken breast or two sausages or equivalent per adult, half for small children, so there are no leftovers. Buy plenty of cheap fruit and vegetables, pasta, rice, so these are unlimited.

Thank you @underneaththeash - I think that I may look to do that in future. This is our 6th au pair and just something that we have never experienced previously.

Your 6th au pair?

OP - I assume this thread has trended, hence the unhelpful responses from the ignorant masses.

With our first au pair who lived in our house, I just put a black star in marker pen on anything that was for a dinner, so that it didn't get eaten.

Subsequent au pairs had their own flat next door, however, as the au pair regs say that they have to live as part of the family, we insist that they eat with us at least once a week - usually roast on a Sunday.

We now give them a Sainsbury's card with money on it to buy their own food and we have an account at the local butcher and deli. I tell them the spend is about £35/week at Sainsbury's, but if they want to spend more they can. I wouldn't want anyone to be hungry.

We've had 7 au pairs now - their spend has ranged from £10/week (I was slightly worried about that one) to our French au pair, who was my butcher's favourite ever customer as she could consume vast amounts of meat.

I also think with au pairs you need to assume that they know nothing. For example when you asked her to supervise them, tell her exactly what she needs to go "Please would you go outside and supervise the children, they need watching quite closely so that they don't; hurt themselves."
You need to also tell her that phone use needs to be kept to an absolute minimum during her hours.

On the not watching the kids while the OP was doing a conference call though - OP says she gets home at 6pm. The Au-Pair had presumably been watching the kids solo for anything from 3 to 10 hours by then, depending upon the children's ages, whether they go to school or nursery and what hours, and her duties. Certainly the OP mentions that the Au-Pair gives the children their tea.

Its understandable that someone working for pocket money and board who thought she'd be finishing work and free to go to her room at 6pm wasn't enthusiastic about going outside with the children on their bikes instead because her employer needed to do a conference call from home in the evening. Especially if this was a surprise.

Something is certainly not right and it's unlikely the issues truly are seperate if they add up to the op being isolated and unhappy or resentful, and the OP feeling similar.

An Au-Pair is supposed to live as a family member to immerse them in the language and culture, and certainly that doesn't sound as if it's working out.

I'm not sure eating at 9pm is really conducive to welcoming an Au-Pair on a cultural exchange unless you live in a country where they'd expect that... Families usually eat together, with children and Au-Pair.

It definitely sounds like she can’t be bothered to cook the veg. There’s a few can’t be bothered’s there - eat with the family, watch the kids, cook healthily. I also wonder if she’s not very happy.

I had an au pair who would polish off a lot of food. I started cooking extra veg and carbs and leaving it aside for her and only cooking a fixed portion size of meat. That helped a bit. She just couldn't be bothered to cook a balanced meal for herself so if I didn't do it she would only cook one item ie meat.

I'd go with setting aside everyones portion size (of course agreeing with her in advance how much she wants) then ensure it's clear all other food is spoken for. If she wants extra point her in the direction of frozen veg or salad.

It's not that we cannot afford to feed her but I wanted to know if this was normal to eat

Why? If its not a problem to you financially why do you care? Just buy more food. If the consensus is that she eats more than "normal" (which on MN is three grapes and a crispbread per month apparently) are you going to tell her she can't eat? If she is eating the "wrong food" instead of the servant food then just tell her what you want left for the adults.

I come from a family of long thin people who eat a lot at least into the early 30s. My kids are exactly the same. I would not have been happy if one of my kids was working in a supposed family environment where their employer was policing their food and posting to forums about them.

Frankly she doesn't sound that happy with you so maybe a change is best all round but next time you interview specify the size of acceptable rations before they take the job.

1 1/2 lb of meat in one sitting?

It's only 3/4lb, you've doubled the amount there. All our local take outs serve 1/2lb burgers - often with extra toppings - doner meat, egg, cheese, bacon, salad. So with toppings they're easily 3/4lb burgers then served with fries,