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Original poster

Expectations

31 replies

CarrieDS · 24/04/2019 18:04

We've had a new Au Pair or the last 7 weeks. She's nice, friendly and doing pretty well on the important things... she is calm and patient with the children, and they are safe in her care. Couple of issue's I'm wondering if anyone has advise on:-

  1. She does zero tidying up. It's in her contract that she isn't expected the clean the house, but just to tidy up after herself and the kids. I don't know if she has misunderstood! Currently she leaves toys/ clothes (coats etc) out all over the place, and bits of half eaten kids meals/ plates all over the kitchen. She doesn't load/ unload the dishwasher ever. I wish I has said something week1 but I didn't, and now I feel awkward about it. We have 3 kids, but 2 are in full time/ part-time school/ pre-school and we give top end pocket money I believe (£150pw).
  2. She isn't great at structuring activities and asks them what they want to do too much. I did explain this to her a few times, kids need direction and structure. It's manageable during term time, but this got a bit out of control over Easter holidays and now I am thinking ahead to summer holidays. Any advise/ success stories?
  3. She knows nobody in the UK (we're in London) and I'm sure she must be lonely, although she doesn't show it. I have tried to help by suggesting places to go, how to meet similar people (facebook) but I worry she spends a lot of time at home/ in her room, which I think makes me feel more guilty than I would if she were off living her best life over here. Makes it harder to 'pick holes' about the cleaning etc.

Any thoughts appreciated.

Carrie.

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roses2 · 25/04/2019 13:54

What a shame there are no language barriers and she is in London but not making an effort to find friends! This is a significant part of the au pair experience.

If you give her a nudge do you think she would make an effort or is she naturally a recluse?

Original poster
CarrieDS · 25/04/2019 13:16

SlightlySleepy that's really interesting and helpful. I really agree with you. I have been thinking the same thing about social issue; our last au pair was very independent and went out to meet people/ travel but was also v happy going out to see cinema/ shows etc. on her own. Having someone around who isn't meeting anyone, doing anything else is making me feel bad and a bit uncomfortable.
I hear what you say about gentle directives. Actually this morning I happened to say to her "Oh I'm not sure I ever actually showed you how to use the dishwasher" and showed her (she nodded that she already knew). Hopefully she may take the hint.
She is Australian so no need for English course. I have asked locally for people with Au Pairs - I may try again. I have encouraged her to meet other Au Pairs on FB there are so many Australians and Canadians in London. I just don't get the impression she's making much progress. I don't know if I can do this for her! I'll look into groups.
Thanks so much. I completely agree about being too nice etc. I think I have been the same and we indeed are slipping into bad habits.
Really helpful xx

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Original poster
CarrieDS · 25/04/2019 12:59

Thanks a lot. Okay good shout.
I did do a timetable, but I didn't put 'empty dishwasher' etc. in. I wish I had now. I feel a bit awkward about this now, but I know need to take to her about it.
Thanks again.
C.

OP posts:
SlightlySleepy · 25/04/2019 12:59

I think you should push the social side a bit more. The au pairs that we have had who didn't make friends, didn't do their job well either. It's hard to stay motivated and positive about your work when you're trapped in 4 walls for too long. We've also found that if they don't make friends at the beginning, they lose motivation to try.

Do you have any friends with au pairs? Does she do an English course? We found facebook good for finding au pairs but if not, what about any hobbies of hers?

I agree a timetable is good. My current one also keeps asking the kids what they want to do. I now tell them they either they decide or the au pair decides for them. I have given the au pair a list of things they can do (building train tracks, Lego, painting, board games).

I also find that you need to frequently remind au pairs or (like all of us) they slowly deteriorate in their effort. So i might say "Oh the costs are on the floor, could you make sure the kids always hang them up" or "when you and the kids have finished eating, could you put the plates in the dishwasher". I'd say it more like a passing comment rather than a criticism. I wouldn't, for example tell them they have forgotten to load the dishwasher or ask why they have left things lying around.

I was too nice at the beginning and after a few months i realised i was parenting everyone! You have to keep on top of things in a nice way. It was too easy to slip into habits of just doing everything because its easier than awkward conversations. But i regretted it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 25/04/2019 12:42

I think a timetable is the way forward.

roses2 · 25/04/2019 12:39

I give all my au pairs a timetable with a specific list of what to do eg:

5pm - heat up kids dinner
5.30pm - tidy up; wash dinner plates; sweep bits of food off floor
6pm - tv for kids
7pm - brush kids teeth

I have found this works best. Not all are great at "using judgement" as don't forget they are young.

There are of course bits which an au pair ignore but most of them stick to the list.