Car seat safety (and other safety concerns)

Just speak to your CM if you have concerns about the car seat she is using. Although it sounds like you just prefer your car seat.

Everything else is a non issue. If you don't want your child going out in the car you are probably better off moving her to a nursery but even at nursery they are likely to have trips out every now and then.

You can’t get dd into a read facing seat but cm Can get into a ff seat

Cm are se so they get to decide the car seats that go in their car

Far better to have in a ff one then escaping a rear

Cm will go out to places.

Tbh sounds like a nursery is your best bet. Once you tackle the car seat issue unless walk there

I’ve read through this several times, in search of the multiple safety hazards implied in the title. I can see three issues...... possibly.

1. Positioning of the head protection in the car seat being used by the CM. You are fully entitled to take this up with the CM. Do it politely and don’t go in all guns blazing. It’s going to seem a little incongruous, to say the least, if you start lecturing them on car seat safety considering the circumstances.

The issue of ERF seats in this context is not a safety issue. It is your personal preference. The CM is required to transport the child safely, and within the terms of her insurance policy. That’s all.

1. "...another parent who said they see the gate unlocked sometimes..." As explained by a PP, this may not necessarily be a required safety measure; it will depend on the situation and overall risk assessment for the premises. Even if it is required in this case, you don’t know that it isn’t locked. All you know is that another parent gossips. Ask your CM about it, but don’t expect her to be impressed at your predilection for believing hearsay without any evidence.

1. "Lies." Well........er......... what lies? Your apparent basis for calling her a liar is that you "caught her out once" over information regarding naps. THey entered incorrect information on Babydays, that’s all. No big deal and well within the bounds of human error. There’s a big difference between a lie and a simple mistake. Anyone reading this can see from "I caught her out once" that you are heavily predisposed to finding fault: looking for it, even. As for the outing, well they didn’t inform you of a trip they didn’t have to inform you of (except they did inform you, because they informed you through Babydays!)

I’m at a complete loss to see how any of this justifies being called "lies.... and general ignorance towards safety issues."

Refocus your demands on your CM. Ask them to teach you how to get the child in her carseat - you can do this. What would you do if they stopped dropping off - give up work? Because a nursery will not do this for you. The headrest thing I think can be addressed through a conversation rather than removing your child.

If you feel she is genuinely unsafe then you need to remove her but you do seem to have a very stringent list of requirements for keeping her safe, and the CM is already doing a lot of it. I'm not sure it's a list that anyone can ever meet, including you yourself if you are not able to put her in her carseat. Ultimately a nanny, or giving up work, may be your only options, because no CM or nursery will be able to jump through all the hoops you set. Does a gate really need a lock to keep a one year old safe? I never locked our garden gate and none of our CMs or our nursery locked theirs. Sorry if this is harsh, there's a lot to pick through.

I'd risk assess the situation. ERF is great and I'm very pro ERF but if she's escaping then surely it's safer to have her forward facing?

Ah I see, thanks

mschook I think - though the OP is a bit confusing - the childminder is using a forward facing seat which OP doesn't think is safe enough but the childminder presumably has found the child will go in

What does the childminder do to get her to stay in the car seat? Is she firm with her? What's different to your technique?

The issue is yours, not the childminders.
Your child won't go in a car seat safely, you're going to have to move them to a childcare setting where they don't go out in the car.
You said your child is the same in a buggy so your only option really is to use a nursery.

I'd be very surprised if you can find a childminder or nanny who would agree to not going out with our child. So you have 2 options: either teach your child to keep their straps on or pay for a nursery to look after them.

Can you get in touch with in car safety and see if they can recommend a seat for a hypermobile child? They rent out seats for kids with additional needs so they might be abke to help with the seat issue

Look, if you think the car seat they're using is actively unsafe/inadequate then you have to say so to them. BUT if you insist on essentially the same seat as you have - rear facing with whatever safety harness you're finding doesn't work for you then they're going to have the same issue as you getting her in it.

Your options
a) let them use a less ideal seat (though clearly it has to be legal and adequate), ie a forward facing one, that she will actually accept
b) expect them to shout at, physically force her, or otherwise do all the things you're not prepared to do. It is likely they'll refuse to do it this, for exactly the same reason as you don't do it (except it's worse go them as they'd be doing it while looking after other children)
c) tell them she can't go in the car. As pp have said, this might be the end of the arrangement altogether - it would be for our childminder as she wouldn't agree to not being able to take any of the kids on trips out, which is what you're asking for

If you don't think they're keeping your child safe then you can't leave her there. But if your definition of keeping her safe is them doing things you can't or won't then you might find that this is a big problem in finding alternative care. You're not going to find many childminders who would pick up and drop off to avoid you having issues with the car - mine is lovely but would think I'd gone mad if I suggested this

I have read this over and over and still can't work out what your actual problem is.

The seat? The childminder? The child?

Can you summarise, perhaps take out the bumph and stick it in bullet points? Your posts are huge and jumbled.

I am sorry but I have struggled to read and understand your post. I think I get it in that they are doing drop off and picks ups as you are unable to assert your authority over your own child and get them into a car seat. You can buy clips that attach to the seat belt to stop them escaping. I do find all children are happier in the car once they are forward facing. As a childminder I do not ask permission for any trips I take, it’s given at contract signing but parents are informed tomorrow we are going too...if they do not want the child to go then they have to find alternative childcare for that day and I still charge them.

I don't understand how she could cut her neck if she was strapped in properly?

Normally you sign a general consent to trips and outings upfront. I'm not sure you can insist on knowing details of each and every one on advance. As long as they use a weight/age appropriate seat, are operating within ratios and you are apparently willing for them to pick her up/drop off when it suits you, I don't think you can complain. You want them to use a seat which by your own admission your dd resists and may not be fully compatible with their vehicle. Inconsistencies in reporting and her wellbeing are separate issues which only you know if you can accept.

Are you wanting a childminder to ask permission for every trip they take your child on? The whole point of childminders is there are out and about in the community. At DD’s nursery I consented to all trips when she started. It’s lovely to pick her up and for her to say today we went to the park, beach or other place.

Wha

I'm quite confused as to what is happening here. So you can't get your dd in her car seat, so they pick her up and drop her off? And you want them to do this, but using the seat that you can't get her in? I'm sort of amazed they agreed to this at all, so wondering if I've misunderstood?

You want your CM to pick up your child from home because you can't get them into/to stay in their car seat?

That's slightly crazy tbh.

Also this...

I can tell she genuinely cares for her and even her partner said she is smitten

...is really weird.

I don't get it....so your child would rear face with you but hates it so much you cant actually get her in the car and if you do manage to she struggles so much you think she's going to be hurt but your cm can get her into a seat (al be it forward facing) where she's presumably safer than no seat at all. Or are they supposed to fight with her for half an hour and achieve something you cant? Maybe if you persisted with your child and got her to realise who is in charge there would no longer be a problem?? Do you never use the car for any other journeys as surely she would be just as unsafe writhing about and hurting her neck rear facing going to town with you as to the childminders? If your seat is adjusted tight enough she couldn't writhe around so presumably is at more risk from not being tightly held in your seat than being forward facing in a properly adjusted seat....maybe she doesn't like rear facing as it can make some have travel sickness?

the nap thing if its a one off could easily be a mix up oh may not have been there during the nap.

I’ve read your op, but it’s quite long, so could you summarise please?

I think your problem is basically that you want the cm to collect your child as you can’t get them in a car seat? But they don’t want to (for whatever reason) to use your rear facing car seat?

As a cm, if a child didn’t want to get into their car seat and I need them to be in it, I would just put them in it and strap them in, I have no idea what the method is called, someone referred to ‘folding your child’ which could be it? The same if they don’t want to be in the buggy. So your minder might not have the same issues as she has lots of experience of this and don’t forget, child may well be better behaved for someone else than with you so the struggle may be less.

My parents agree to outings at the beginning of the contract and tbh, if they said I wasn’t to take them out, I would be declining the work. It’s really important part of what I do- taking children out and interacting with others and the community and I wouldn’t be staying in for one child.

It does sound like you don’t trust the minder though, so it might be better to find another childcare option that suits you better.

Ofsted used to require childcare providers to gain specific consent for each individual outing. Then someone pointed out that, since they defined an outing along the lines of 'anytime they ave the main premises', this would mean parents would have to sign a slip for every school run, toddler group visit, etc and no way could they go on an impromptu walk to the Park.

So, the current regulations require providers to ensure parents are made awareness of "the range and type of activities and experience provided". That is the usually done the first time parents meet the CM, at the initial enquiry stage.

Iow, there is no need for the CM to be constantly informing parents where they are and what they are doing. All that is needed is an end-ofday chat and a look at Babydays.

"Not keeping me informed of the trip" /"taking her out without telling me"
OP was informed, cm put it on Baby's Days.