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Original poster

Food

58 replies

Pistachiolover · 21/02/2019 21:00

I have had my live in nanny for over a year looking after my toddler son. We order delivery of food from Sainsbury and putting in her food bill for her and my son used to be about £70 a week. However in the past few months it’s increased to about £120 a week which I thought was quite a lot. Her explanation is that my son is eating a lot more (I haven’t noticed an increase in his appetite). This increase in food coincided with the arrival of a new boyfriend on the scene and her sleeping over at his place most nights. So she started handing us the receipts of food she buys when she doesn’t stay at home.

Last week in addition to the usual Sainsbury delivery order, she has given us receipts for an additional £150 of food that she has bought and eaten. This seems to me to be unreasonable as she’s buying things like wine (surely I shouldn’t have to pay for alcohol?).

How much is reasonable for food? Is there a better way to deal with this. This situation is very annoying for me as it’s obvious that these receipts are her boyfriends shopping not just hers so I’m effectively paying for him as well.

[Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying information for the OP]

OP posts:
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Smoggle · 22/02/2019 18:33

Sure, she can eat where she wants but that doesn't mean buy whatever she wants and expect the OP to pay.

Whereareyouspot · 22/02/2019 18:33

Woah she is being very cheeky and you are being soft

Draw a line on this NOW

Personally she should be eating with your child- for me part of the nanny role is to model healthy and good manners and that includes sharing meals

So our nanny cooks for and with the kids when she is on duty and shares those meals with them. I expect to be buying more to include her in those meals. I also buy stuff she particularly likes so she can supplement this and also have snacks. She gives me a receipt for their food if they eat out during day trips and soft play etc and uses the petty cash.
She is welcome at weekends to us any food in the kitchen to prepare a meal or to make a sarnie to take with her plus snacks on the usual crisps.
If she chooses to go and eat with a friend or her b’friend then she uses her own money.
She has asked if she can cook for a friend or partner at home before now on a Friday night or whatever and that’s cool too but I don’t buy her food to take out and cook elsewhere.

£70 just for one adult and a child a week is far Too much anyway really given I assume it’s not completely separate from the family food so you get some economies of scale.

And giving receipts for her weekend food is bonkers and you really need to stop this now and draw a line

You are being a huge soft touch and she is taking advantage of you

NuffSaidSam · 22/02/2019 18:23

'and during working hours eaten with the children'

But outside of working hours? She can eat where she wants surely?

NuffSaidSam · 22/02/2019 18:20

'Submitting receipts for any food or drink purchases isn't normal. Eating food provided by the employer at their home is.'

Both are normal actually depending on the arrangement. It's perfectly fine for the OP to give the nanny cash for her to buy her own food.

The excessive food/stuff for the boyfriend is wrong, obviously I'm not disagreeing there.

But the actual food for the nanny is fine either way. A bowl of cereal is a bowl of cereal. If the nanny wants to eat her allotted bowl of cereal somewhere other than the OP's kitchen, that's fine. The issue is the excess, not where the nanny is eating it.

Smoggle · 22/02/2019 18:14

A sandwich is a sandwich she's doesn't have to eat that sandwich inside the four walls of the op's house for it to be a legitimate sandwich!!
It doesn't have to be eaten in the house, but it should be made from food in the OP's kitchen, and during working hours eaten with the children.

Submitting receipts for any food or drink purchases isn't normal. Eating food provided by the employer at their home is.

1Wanda1 · 22/02/2019 17:40

Our weekly Ocado shop comes to around £120 and that does 2 adults and 2 teenagers for the week, including packed lunches. Your nanny is taking the piss!

NuffSaidSam · 22/02/2019 17:26

'She was hired as a live in nanny. Her finish time is 7:30pm so I figured whatever she wanted to do during her off hours was up to her - so if she wanted to go out then that was fine.'

This is exactly right. Some people on this thread have misunderstood what the term 'live-in' nanny means. She isn't not a live in nanny because she goes out a lot! Or stays the night somewhere else.

A live-in nanny is a normal nanny, working normal, set hours (usually slightly longer than a live out nanny), who in return for reduced pay gets food and accommodation provided. It's like an au pair, but with a qualified nanny. If she is at work for her contracted hours then she is fulfilling her role as a live-in nanny. What she does after work or on the weekend is up to her.

As part of a live in agreement you fund all her normal meals (or not depending on your contract) wherever they may be. A sandwich is a sandwich she's doesn't have to eat that sandwich inside the four walls of the op's house for it to be a legitimate sandwich!!

She is however clearly taking the piss. Have a meeting, tell her you buying her food clearly isn't working now she is out so much so you will give her X amount a week and she can buy her own food from that. Give her what you would spend for one person for a week.

cstaff · 22/02/2019 17:22

She obviously thinks you are a soft touch and decided to try it on or maybe it was the boyfriends idea - is he a new boyfriend?

You either need to sit down and talk about it if you do like her and let her know what her limit is or show her the door. It all depends on how strongly you feel about getting rid and also about having to go through the process of getting a new minder.

rumptifizzer · 22/02/2019 17:14

Also, what is she doing with the boyfriend when she is working and looking after your son? I'd have a frank chat with her. He may be putting pressure on her but either way I'd be getting rid. Without trust there's nothing especially when it comes to DC x

rumptifizzer · 22/02/2019 17:12

Live in nanny = provide food for her to eat in. IMO she should be having meals with your son anyway. What she chooses to eat when she is out and not working is not your responsibility. She's taking the piss.

Original poster
Pistachiolover · 22/02/2019 17:12

She was hired as a live in nanny. Her finish time is 7:30pm so I figured whatever she wanted to do during her off hours was up to her - so if she wanted to go out then that was fine.

We had used the standard contracut provided by the payroll company. It mentions petty cash but nothing specific to food provided.

Loookign at the receipts - it looks like a lot of food. The other reason I think it’s not hers alone so the time stamp - it’s during the day most of the time when she is at work (and located where the boyfriend lives not where we live). I’m just thinking she may try to say that she gets him to buy her food for her but that doesn’t add up to me as we’ve obviously bought her food for her with our weekly shop (for which she has given us a shopping list) so why does she need him to buy this food at midday? Also, as @roses2 said, surely the boyfriend is not shopping separately for himself and for her.

@PCohle - I agree with you - it’s the dishonesty that is the biggest issue for me.

OP posts:
anniehm · 22/02/2019 16:43

Look at your contract but reasonably it should only be food eaten with your son (our) or on the premises, for 1 adult and 1 child around £50 a week is a lot not including toiletries, nappies etc. Certainly it's unreasonable to submit receipts for alcohol ever, and if she chosen to eat at his, no you should not be paying

roses2 · 22/02/2019 16:32

Can you not distinguish from the receipt whether the quantity she is buying is for one person?

Why on earth would her boyfriend buy his food separately? That wouldn't even make any sense!

RestingBitchFaced · 22/02/2019 16:25

How can she be a live-in nanny if she's not there most nights? Fair enough that your paying for her food in the house, or at softplay or similar with your son, but she is taking advantage with meals out. Sounds like you are paying for her boyfriend too

Original poster
Pistachiolover · 22/02/2019 16:15

@drinkfeckarsegirls - this is the first time I’ve hired a nanny. I did not realize you needed to agree an amount. Would you do that verbally or does it need to be in the contract?

I assumed she would be reasonable. It’s someone who is looking after my child and living in my house who I depend and rely on. I didn’t think she would take advantage of us.

OP posts:
Smoggle · 22/02/2019 15:44

Yes, you just give (or pay) her notice.

I have had au pairs rather than nannies, but we provided 3 meals a day (eat breakfast and lunch with the children eg toast, cereal, sandwiches, pasta, family dinners that I planned a week in advance). If they didn't want to eat dinner with us or at weekends they could cook for themselves from whatever was in the kitchen. Obviously helped themselves to any drinks & snacks.
Any requests for particular food, I would put on the shopping order.
The only receipts I accepted were for occasional meals and snacks out while working, but wherever possible they would take food from home.
If they wanted to eat out or wanted wine or chocolates they bought it themselves!

Eating with the children, eating the same meals was a requirement for me.

PCohle · 22/02/2019 15:37

If she's been employed for less than two years then you can sack her for any non-discriminatory reason. You will just need to give her the contractually agreed notice.

The fact that she is, very likely, being dishonest would be a huge issue for me. If you are trusting someone with your child you need to be able to trust them implicitly. Plus, as others have mentioned, you are not getting the benefits of a live in nanny if she's not actually living with you.

Original poster
Pistachiolover · 22/02/2019 15:31

I agree that it seems a ludicrous amount to be spent supposedly for just her food - with the receipts she’s giving me. Even the amount I am ordering for her and my son seems like a lot to me so it was good to be able to compare what others are spending. This is why I came on here as I wanted to hear others thoughts in case I was being unreasonable. Note - I always pay for her meals if she’s out at soft play with my son and they eat lunch together.

I will have a chat with her and see what happens. She is generally fine as a nanny - positive and negative incidents. I’m guessing this isn’t a disciplinary event (though if she’s buying food for her boyfriend then could it be, given she’s lying to us?). If we just wanted to move on, given she’s been employed for less than a year, would giving her notice suffice? Is there anything else I need to think about?

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/02/2019 15:07

I’m really surprised you hdn’t agreed on an amount that you’ll be spending on her food.

Zebedee88 · 22/02/2019 13:33

I'm a live in nanny, been with the same family for 10 years. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with the family. In my contract they are meant to provide food for the meals when I am working, within reason. If it's the weekend or I'm going out for dinner then I do not charge them for my food. You are paying a ridiculous amount for food. I do the weekly shop and for 3 adults and 3 children we generally spend upto £180.

Smoggle · 22/02/2019 13:29

I would say you provide food at your house, and maybe you pay for meals out during work eg if she and your son have lunch at soft play.

Paying for her to eat out or shop for her boyfriend's house is bizarre, I've never heard such an arrangement.

PotteringAlong · 22/02/2019 13:28

As an aside, £70 a week Is what a spend on food for me, DH and 3 DC’s. If you’re spending £70 just for her and 1 child, + an extra £150 that’s a ludicrous sum of money.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/02/2019 13:24

Jist give her cash - what you spent per one person in your family. She sounds cheeky as hell - alcohol?

user1483387154 · 22/02/2019 12:05

You do not pay for alcohol, meals out (unless with the children and is pre agreed) or take aways. It covers her basic weekly shop that is iy.

roses2 · 22/02/2019 11:59

This is a tough one. Whilst she is with her boyfriend every night, the intent was that you wanted a live in nanny because it offers flexibility over a live out nanny (in addition to reduced cost for you).

Is the relationship still offering the same flexibility as when she was living with you and sleeping in the house every night?

Personally I would offer the money that I was originally spending on her food when she lived in as that is what you had budgeted when you hired her.

Time for a sit down to talk about expectations I think.