Food

I haven’t read all the responses only some so hope I am not repeating everyone.

But your nanny is taking the absolute piss! A live in nanny gets food provided at the house! She can not choose to go out and then charge you for it that’s what her wage is for!
She adds her stuff to the weekly shop if she needs to top up for basics then yes you give her money but you do not need to pay for everything she desires just because she is live in.

To be honest she isn’t a very professional nanny if she is doing this.

Wow. Nanny is def taking the piss

You should not be paying for her wine - and even buying food at weekends at bf is a no - tho if she was at yours she would be eating your food

So maybe a kitty of £20 for weekends and she buys what she wants

If she continues to stay at bf - and you are happy as a nanny then consider live out - yes you would pay a bit more but wouldn’t be buying weekend and evening food meals usually

I would say no more than £50 for a weekly food budget, for both the nanny and your son (unless he eats a huge amount/lots of expensive fruit etc.)

That would allow the nanny ample room to have three meals a day and some snacks. Just because it is provided doesn't mean the nanny shouldn't have to budget. I would go as far as to say that many nannies would be cautious about spending too much of their employers money.

This is a ridiculous thread. You provide board and lodgings. You provide all the food she eats at your home. You dont provide for any food she eats off the premises except if a meal out with your son. If she make a sandwich to take out fair enough. Stop being a push over.
Also spending her days off at her boyfriends fair enough. But on working days i would expect her to in at a reasonable time to be fresh to start work the next day. You might as well have a live out nanny. And hire your spare room out to a lodger. As under two years give notice.
She shouldnt be meeting her boyfriend in work time. You dont know who he is to be spending time with your child.

She cannot take good from your home to cook at her boyfriends. It just doesn't work like that. I don't know a single nanny employer or nanny fir that matter who would behave like this.

Lol handing you receipts for when she's with her boyfriend. This is not a "tough one" as a previous poster said. The food covers her meals at your home and that only. I've heard it all now. No is a complete sentence.

'An allowance is a good idea should the OP employ another nanny in the future but it seems a very light touch way of addressing expenses fraud.'

That's true.

I suppose it depends how much the OP likes her. And how much she thinks it's a conscious effort to defraud Vs being a bit stupid/trying to impress the boyfriend.

'So live in nannies eat meals out and pass receipts on to their employers? What a confusing grey area!'

I must say I've never come across this system before either. It's generally the nanny eats from the family kitchen or the nanny gets a set food budget and shops for herself (in cases like this where the nanny is away a lot or where the live-in accommodation has a separate kitchen).

The OP could give her a budget/increase her wage to cover food if she wanted. I wouldn't.

Just agreeing she now gets a set allowance seems pretty dismissive of the fact she has effectively been stealing from the OP though.

An allowance is a good idea should the OP employ another nanny in the future but it seems a very light touch way of addressing expenses fraud.

'She's not buying a box of cornflakes though, is she? She's spending £150 on food and wine.'

And that is unreasonable. I've said many times on this thread. We don't disagree on this.

The nanny is currently taking the piss. Without question. I agree 100% with you. Entirely. Total agreement.

That's not the same thing as what you're saying, which is she must eat all food from the kitchen. She can't be given a budget and allowed to eat elsewhere.

So live in nannies eat meals out and pass receipts on to their employers? What a confusing grey area!

I would have assumed that nanny would have to pay for all meals she ate out (excluding those she ate out with the family). If nanny chooses to eat out a lot then surely that comes from her own pocket. If she is eating very little at home now then you may have to renegotiate a meal allowance but I don't think this should be receipts, just a set amount.

It's ridiculous to feed your live in nanny when she is out and about. Food and lodging covered at home, but if she chooses to stay elsewhere she should cover the cost.

If you are feeling very generous then I'd give her a small live out food allowance.

I think she's massively taking advantage of you, and sees you as a cash cow.

She's fiddling her xpenses isn't she, is she being coerced or trying to buy affection from bf? Expect her to eat lunch with your child and breakfast if that's part of her timetable. Give her allowance for dinner and days off.
A nanny is nothing like an au pair, they are trained professionals, could be left in sole charge, work all night if that's what you agree. They are paid a wage, less their keep, like hotel or other live in workers.
An au pair is a helper under your close supervision, they get pocket money.

'But it is costing the OP more when the nanny doesn't eat at home. Because she is taking the piss and feeding her boyfriend and then claiming all the food was only for her'

Yes!! And we all absolutely agree that is unreasonable and needs to stop.

The disagreement seems to be whether the nanny can elect to eat her (normal amount of) food elsewhere or not.

If the OP gives her a set amount of cash, she can buy and eat what she wants where she wants at no extra cost to the OP.

She's not buying a box of cornflakes though, is she? She's spending £150 on food and wine.

A simple understanding that food is provided at home solves the issue.

But it is costing the OP more when the nanny doesn't eat at home. Because she is taking the piss and feeding her boyfriend and then claiming all the food was only for her.

A hotel would cost more. A meal in a restaurant costs more. I see why you wouldn't do that.

I don't understand why normal, basic food can't be eaten elsewhere.

If she requested a box of cornflakes in the weekly shop and then carried them back and forth each day to the boyfriends house would that be ok? Because they live during the day in your cupboard? Or if she just packaged up a little Tupperware bowl one portion at a time?? It's ridiculous. If she can have a box of cornflakes, she can keep them where she likes at absolutely no extra cost to you.

Part of the wage is bed and board provided in the employer's home - I wouldn't fund meals out or shopping for a friend's house anymore than I would fund a hotel if she wanted to go away for the weekend.

'I wouldn't be happy buying food for someone else's house.'

Why? Surely, that's just controlling. Why does it matter to you where she eats her cornflakes? It's not costing you any more than it would if she ate them at your house. It can't be a financial concern. It's just control?

'If you want free cornflakes eat them at home'

They're not 'free'. They make up part of her wages. She takes reduced payment in exchange for food. The OP isn't paying her a live out wage and then giving her free food! It's not a perk. It's what she's entitled to under the terms of the contract (normal food for herself that is, not the boyfriend or any excess/luxury food, we agree on that!).

I also think there is an element of "cutting your cloth" that is not going on here.

Many people would like to live on lobster and steak from Waitrose and M&S but actually buy chicken and veg at Tesco because they have to be budget conscious. It sounds like the nanny thinks "food included" = buy whatever you like and your employer has to pay for it.

I don't think it's unreasonable to think that a live in nanny forms part of your household and members of your household eat in your house. Sure, fund lunch if she's out with your kids, but if she's out for a Valentine's Day dinner with her BF you don't owe her half the cost of the meal.

Every nanny I've had has understood that implicitly.

I wouldn't be happy buying food for someone else's house. If you want free cornflakes eat them at home, if you want breakfast with your boyfriend then you or he pays.

*cornflakes, not cronflakes!!

'Sure, she can eat where she wants but that doesn't mean buy whatever she wants and expect the OP to pay.'

Absolutely. I 100% agree that she's taking the piss with the amount. But the principle of wanting a box of cornflakes at her boyfriends house because that's where she eats breakfast is fine. The cornflakes are cronflakes regardless of whose kitchen they're in. The problem is she's currently buying two boxes of cornflakes, one for her and one for the boyfriend. That is unacceptable. One box, for her, fine.