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Original poster

Concerned about childminder - are these things normal?

43 replies

Roeslein · 30/01/2019 09:20

DS is 4.5 months old and will be starting at a childminder's in the next few weeks, first for 20 hours a week (while I am in training) and then full time when I start a new job in April. Unfortunately we didn't actually choose the childminder - she was the only one in the area with a place and the hours we needed. (I do know there are fantastic CMs out there and given the choice, we might not have chosen her.)

She is older with 4 grown children and always came across as a bit old-school. However, during our last meeting (after we signed the contract), she talked about a baby she used to leave alone behind a closed door for hours because she would not stop crying and "there was nothing she could do". She also mentioned occasionally leaving children with her son or daughter-in-law (who live in the same building) while she ran errands. As far as I know these people have not been vetted. This is only information she volunteered, so I can only imagine what she is not telling us.

We recently relocated due to my husband's job and have no family or friends nearby. We looked into other options (other CMs, nanny, nursery) but none of these were feasible for various reasons. I can't bear imagining DS being left alone in a room crying and I am very worried about an accident happening, but I feel my hands are tied. What can I do? I have thought of showing up unexpectedly to pick up DS to ensure everything looks ok but sadly this is likely not feasible with our jobs. Even if I were to report her - so what? We will still need childcare. Do you have any advice?

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whyamialive · 03/02/2019 03:08

Sorry not meaning to scare but registered means nought my sister no contact 20 years is a registered child minder she beat me covered brothers worse abuse has contact with abusrers I let nspcc local school police as she is middle class and high profile husband and Im nought nothing done Please registered means nothing but done a course .. research who you TRUST your kids with x

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2019 18:22

Def don’t her over the crying

But any chance that her relatives are listed as a helper and they would have a dbs as love on the house she cms

So maybe she can legally leave them with them iyswim

So you have a place in sept

Dh is doing over summer

So you need now till July?

Yes Nannies are the most exp form of childcare esp for one child but is it worth looking at it for 6mths and get a long term temp
In

Or a nwoc which will reduce costs a little bit

But please don’t use this cm

planespotting · 02/02/2019 08:12

Don't
She is not following guidelines and should be reported

Marmie4 · 02/02/2019 07:43

Why would she tell a perspective parent that she leaves babies to cry for hours and leaves children with random strangers to them? Makes you wonder what other horrifying things she is doing? She is being paid to look after the children in her care. It's a difficult situation for you OP, putting your DC with her now isn't an option. I don't know your circumstances but could you travel to a childminder on a temporary basis? I childminded many years ago and not all the children I cared for were local, some of the Mums worked near me, picked their DC's up and then travelled home. Could this be an option? Good luck OP hope you can arrange alternative care.

1CantPickAName · 01/02/2019 23:27

Sorry OP, I didn't read the full thread before I posted.

There are many childminders I know that I wouldn't do a shared care situation with. Maybe the other cm knows this one and doesn't want to share care with her? I would go back to the cm you like and explain how stuck you are and that you can't find care that you are happy with and that you would really like your child to go to her. See if she has any suggestions or if she knows of a cm she would be happy to share care with or that has spaces coming up?

It is always worth contacting people again, things can change quickly for childminders and a vacancy can come up unexpectantly

LeonoraFlorence · 01/02/2019 23:21

Please don’t leave your baby with this person.

1CantPickAName · 01/02/2019 23:19

@Roselein you mention that there are no cm with a full time space. Have you considered a shared care situation? I currently share care of a 2yo, I have him 3 days a week and another childminder has him 2 days a week. We have a written diary that stays in his bag and we (the family and 2 cm) communicate this way plus on whattsapp. We've been doing this for a year now.

luckylavender · 01/02/2019 19:46

No OP you can't. It's not even as if you found these things out - she disclosed them. Big red flag.

SherlockSays · 31/01/2019 09:04

Why does it have to be a childminder? Why not a nursery?

No way would she be having my DD to look after.

jannier · 31/01/2019 08:02

She sounds awful.....she doesn't have to have a valid DBS or old CRB as she and any partner at the time would have been registered under the old social services police check system but any convictions would be notified to Ofsted, Anyone living in her home over the age of 16 should have at least had a CRB and again Ofsted will be aware, but unless registered Assitantnts are not allowed to care for children while she goes anywhere.
I would go back and say sorry after what you have told me Im not taking up the space and will be reporting you to Ofsted if you don't feel able to at least contact your LA to see if they have a childcare development team who can go in.

There is no reason why a shared care arrangement cant work so I would look again at using 2 childminders no body suggests it is confusing to use grandparents and another setting.
If I couldn't sort something I'm afraid Id be looking at giving up work until I could.

hibbledibble · 30/01/2019 20:22

Absolutely don't use this childminder.

If I couldn't find another decent arrangement then I wouldn't be going to work!

Gottalovesummer · 30/01/2019 18:02

Have you tried your local authority family information service? They keep lists of childminders in each area and current vacancies (I am a cm and we have to update this information regularly)

You can also try childcare.co..uk Type in your area/postcode to see who is available.

Good luck. I reiterate what I said above, and please don't send your baby to this woman.

Good luck x

Original poster
Roeslein · 30/01/2019 17:36

@Maryann1975 I'm very lucky that I work in the same area that I live and can walk to work. You make a good point, we will look in the area DH works in (30 minutes drive from here). The problem is he travels for work for a week at a time and on those weeks I would still have to get DS there and back somehow, so they would need to have flexible hours, but it's an idea!

OP posts:
Kemer2018 · 30/01/2019 17:13

Ugh. Not brilliant. I know how difficult it can be.
I used my last resort childminder for the same reason as you. Nobody else was able to do school pick up 3 days per week when my child was 9.
I used her 3 weeks, luckily my child was able to communicate what a cheeky fucker she was.
If my child had been younger, I would've had to turn work down rather than use that woman.

HSMMaCM · 30/01/2019 17:09

The other childminder sounds much better than this one. I would go back and see if she still has space. If there are no childminders, see if any nurseries have spaces until September.

Maryann1975 · 30/01/2019 14:26

I’m a childminder and know several other mineders who ‘share’ children over the course of a week, so cm1 Monday, Tuesday and cm2 Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. It does work for several families that I know. So don’t write of childminders because they can’t help on every day, try to work with them- They might even know a cm who has a space on the days they are full.

If you have only looked in the area you live, can you look in the area you work in? Or the area dh works in? Might increase the amount of minders you have to look at.

I wouldn’t leave my child with someone I wasn’t 100% happy with. If there is a problem at the start, in my experience it will only fester and get bigger and you will never be settled with your arrangements as you will always be worrying about your child (which it sounds like you would be right to be).

ErictheGuineaPig · 30/01/2019 10:46

I'm surprised another childminder wouldn't try having him part time. I've had this arrangement with other children and it worked fine. I'm sure it wouldn't work for EVERY child and isn't ideal but it would be a far better option than one incredibly dodgy childminder. And in fact, what often happened with me is extra days opened up with time and part timers became full timers.

Original poster
Roeslein · 30/01/2019 10:40

@StrongTea we actually asked about this but the other CM said she didn't do this as going to two different places creates un unstable environment for the child, which is a valid view

OP posts:
StrongTea · 30/01/2019 10:20

Probably daft idea but could you have 2 part time child minders. Would imagine the childminders all know each other and maybe could sort something out.

scrawnybutscrumptious · 30/01/2019 10:15

I would not leave my child with this person. She had a complete lack of professionalism, is not nurturing (leaving baby to cry) and is not prioritising child's safety and care. You can't just leave children with others who aren't registered.

I sympathise with your lack of options, but I would try everything to find an alternative. Perhaps a temporary nanny for those three months before nursery place opens, or contact local council offices for numbers. Even going out with the area for an free months. Don't worry about having signed a contract. Explain that for the reasons you've told us, you've decided to withdraw agreement and look elsewhere. If she gives you a hard time then Ofsted should be informed.

Original poster
Roeslein · 30/01/2019 10:00

And yes she is registered / certified. She has been a CM for 30 years apparently., which is why I wasn't sure if I was right to be concerned.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roeslein · 30/01/2019 09:54

Thanks everyone for commenting. It's helpful to have an outside perspective. I find it scary that she just told us about these as if they were completely normal things to do. It really makes me wonder what is she is not saying.

To clarify, we have been looking for alternatives. We found a place at a great day nursery, but it's only from September. I'm starting a new role (we have recently moved for his job) so I don't have any flexibility re: hours etc. but my husband is looking to take leave from work for two months over the summer. So that would leave about three months to cover. We can't afford a nanny and the other CMs in the areas don't offer full-time care.

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 30/01/2019 09:48

As a PP says, is she Ofsted registered? Also, does she have a current DBS? If she leaves children with family members they should also have a DBS. In fact any person over 18 living with her should have a valid DBS. I've done all the childminder training (not yet registered - new baby and it's next on my list) and let me tell you it sounds like she falls short of meeting safeguarding requirements if she's leaving children with people with no DBS and certainly lacking in safeguarding of their emotional needs if she's leaving them crying in another room.

I've been in your shoes - only one available childminder - thankfully she was a godsend. However had she not been there is no way in hell I would have used her. I would have found another form of childcare and if there really was nothing, then another job with different hours with compatible childcare.

If you can't find something can you continue with mat leave until you can?

RicStar · 30/01/2019 09:48

Not normal or ok OP. I am afraid you need to start thinking about what you would do if this option was not available (as effectively it is not). Nursery near your dp work? Delay the training / new job.

bobstersmum · 30/01/2019 09:41

I have to add that I see many childminders at dc school. A worrying amount of them drag the children along and have no sort of interaction with them, and are using their phones instead of talking to the children. It really does seem like just a job to the majority of the ones around here, and they all seem to look miserable! Obviously I know that there are amazing childminders around but I honestly think they are few and far between.
At the end of the day your child's life is in their hands, it's so important to make sure they will be safe and happy!