we had to sack our nanny!

As Gess says, children with autism generally have trouble sleeping. The night-shifts with the OP's 4 children wouldn't be anything like a night-shift with 4 NT children of the same age. My ds2 (4yrs) is high-functioning but a typical night for us would often include ds2 being wide awake until at least 11pm, sometimes 1am. Once in bed he would wake up at least 2 or 3 times in the night and start roaming around the house. He doesn't need full 1:1 but I couldn't imagine expecting anyone else to sit up with him at night and then cope with a full day's work the following day.

if you are not able to educate your children,which you are clearly not as you are not there,then they should be and are legally required to be,in school.i find your actions disgraceful.you are neglecting your children and imo social services should be involved for that very reason.

If you work full time and your husband is working 3 days - who home ed's the children??

As you have 2 houses I assume money is not a problem, you could hire the help needed yourself.

The original issue Sindy had, seemed to be with the nanny not feeing the children. I would expect home educated children, even more than others, to have learned basic kitchen skills to be able to prepare a meal, by the age of 12.

I had one of those mothers who did everything for me, but I would cook for myself several times a week by the age of 14, due to my mother working, and tought nothing of it.

Learning food preparation is an essintial life skill.

weird something wrong with the link try again

SS aren't allowed to say "you need x amount of help but we have no money". If they say "you need x amount of help" and you say "great I'll have direct payments please" they have to give it to you. Yes they often say they don't have money, but if you reply with the law then they usually find that they do have the money after all. The difficult bit is getting them to say you need help in the first place- it sounds like you've crossed that hurdle already.

I've written about it here, not much in my piece, but the direct payments link is really useful. Read the parents/carers guide and the local authority guide it has all the info you need.

SO let me get this straight. You and your husbad in ONE house, that he is redecorating and you are working from. And the nanny and the 4 kids, one of whom is SN and cant leave the house without 2 helpers, stuck in another house?

If this nanny had any sense she would report you and your partner to social services for serious neglect of your children.

have just sat and read thread and i am really shocked by this.

poor,poor woman.you were asking far too much.it is really shocking that you thought this was acceptable.

i do actually think this is a wind up tho.surely a severely autistic child needs 1-2-1 care?

if you are genuine, i would just like to say to you,if anyone has been neglectful it is you.truly shocked by this.

You abused her and she sank under the pressure.

Simple as.

not to mention someone who sounds like was also home educating your children as well as looking after them 24/3.

that in itself can't come come cheap.

Also shocked at this thread.

I employ people in my business, but not a nanny. I have had to sack a person before, but it is important to find out what is going on before sacking someone. If they have done something really heinous, then it is usual practice to suspend them while you investigate.

There is one thing I really don't understand: if your dh is off sick, then why did he have to go away for 3 days?

Did your nanny really have the opportunity to talk to you? If you are abroad 25% of the time, and work 80 hours a week from a place 100 miles away, when are you at home? I understand that it is important to have someone providing proper care for your children. But it does seem to me that in your circumstances, you do need more than one person. Also, in light of your work commitments and your dh's health, I really don't understand your decision to home educate, without employing a tutor. My own experience of running a business is that it takes over your life, and you simply don't have time for anything else. Whilst I understand your concern for your children's welfare, I do feel for your nanny, too.

And I do wonder if you are trying to cope with too much, Sindy, and maybe over-reacting because of your own stress levels? Is this post also a yell for help because you're drowning under everything you have to deal with? Other posters have suggested ways of getting extra support, especially for your SN child - please explore them. Even with a nanny, I would struggle to cope with running a business, 4 children, 1 of whom is SN, a sick husband, and a home being renovated around me.

I still dont get it...

you have a full time / all hours job

Your husband also has a full tiem job (though currnetly on sick leave)

so who is responsible for educating the children... cause clearly it cant be their parents (you and dh) cause you both work?

its also a mystery how anyone on sick leave is well enough to removate a house

also i think you expected way too much of this nanny

expecting a 14 year old to make dinner is not the end of the world.... when i was 14 (12 years ago) and both my parenst worked i almost daily produced a fully home cooked meal etc for myself my sister and parents... part of bringing children up is teaching them to look after themselves

im assuming you are not expecting to replace your nanny cause i think you will find it very hard / impossible

£250nett per week when you expect someone to work 24/3 + is an insultingly low wage.... i doubt you will find anyone to work fo 250 nett with 4 children including 1 SN

My sympathys are with your nanny.... but then perhaps she is a bit silly herself letting you treat her like this

Do you get direct payments btw? That's how I employ my helpers. I have 2 who come in a run an after school programme with ds1, 1 who comes in to help me go swimming with ds1 and ds2 & also (along with another 1) comes in on school holidays so I can take the children out & 1 who has ds1 at her house so I can take the other 2 out. All paid for by direct payments. They won't pay for education so you would have to be careful when making your application, but I would have thought you could get some hours for help/respite.

I'm trying not too be shocked at this thread.

I am a mother of three, and have in the past worked as a nanny.

There is no way I could have single handedly done the job you reqired your nanny to do. Please tell me you have a cleaner, and didn't require her to clean as well.

Realistically I think you at least need a tutor and an au-pair.

I wish you every luck in finding a new nanny, but sugest you reconsider the job role before hiring.

I am interested in why you home educate your children. What was the thinking behind your decision?

I usually have help in after school (to help out whilst I'm getting tea ready, giving tea (ds1 needs full time 1:1 to eat), doing bath and getting to bed. Last night I had none, so the kids had gluten free pizza (frozen) because I literally couldn't manage to cook anything else and supervise the children properly.

I still don't get how this would work. newlife- the autistic child needing 2 people out and about and running off sounds very true (& does sound like severe autism)- that's also why I can't see how this would work- I have an army that come into help me out (paid for by social services- I employ 5 people currently) & mine are at school

What do you mean by severely autitistic? Non verbal? Surely he needs full time 1:1 (mine does)?. For comparison I have help in during school holidays to help with ds1 (8 severely autistic); ds2 (5) and ds3 (2). I would never leave someone to look after all3 alone as it's not safe ( yes I do it sometimes alone but I figure one of the kids having an accident under my supervision is different to someone else being responsible for them). I know your children are different ages, but I would have thought a severely autiustic 10 year old would need full time supervision.

Do you have a home program for your autistic son? I'm just trying to work out in my head how someone could home ed 4 children including 1 severely autistic. I can see high functioning without challenging behaviours, but severely autistic???? Did she have night duties as well? Does your autistic son sleep? Many often don't and I think that outside the scope of £250/week tbh.

The only way I could imagine a situation such as yours working would be a nanny for the children's care plus tutors/therapists for your autistic son. I really don't know any severely autistic child that doesn't require a very high ratio for care/education. For example ds1's class has 6 severely autistic boys aged 7-; they always have a staff ratio of at least 4 adults to the 6 children in the class, if they go out it's 1:1, if they want to teach something new/educational it's 1:1. I can't imagine how your set up would work tbh.

Sindy - please can you clear up the question which a few posters have asked and I can't find your answer for: WHO EDUCATED THEM WHILST YOUR DH WAS AWAY FOR 3 DAYS? Or did they just 'not' get educated for those days? I am unclear as to how you would expect one person to cope with a severely autistic child and 3 others (albeit with 2 older ones)who are all stuck inside the house (as it takes 2 persons to take your autistic dd outside) Shopping and sanity comes to mind - a 4pm bath pretty much says it all for me - it was probably that or G&T.

If your husband is on full sick pay, why cant he look after the children - if he's well enough to renovate a house then he should be well enough to look after the children. After all, you are supposed to be home educating them.

With regards to your nanny, i'm not surprised it all got too much for her - 4 days and 3 nights care of 4 children including one with special needs is a hell of a lot to ask of an employee. Especially is she had to home educate as well - i assume they do a set amount of maths, english etc a day.

I think you seriously need to look at your priorities and spend some time with your children. No wonder they covered for her, she was technically their primary carer whilst both her parents were away for days on end. I'm not against mothers working but I do wonder why you bothered to have children to leave them for most of the week inc nights.

DWP may like to make people think that but it is about the sustainability of such effort and therefore such a person may not be able to hold down a 'real' job. If your OH was anything like my ex in that respect then you will both appreciate how rong DWP are about this. This is why it helps to have the CMHT on side when applying!

nnn - I do realize that - my OH has just started working again after being off sick since Feb with stress, anxiety and depression - according to the DWP if you are capable of doing the sort of work OP's husband has been doing then you are capable of doing various other jobs.
I just asking if they were claiming for something they shouldn't. if he is claiming incapacity benefit when he is obviously capable of doing quite a lot is wrong IMO. same as if I was his employer I would be quite p!ssed off at paying his sick pay while he was actually renovating a house

Fifilou you should maybe do it, I don't think anyone else would.

Soak, being incapacitated does not have to mean one has a physical disability you know. I see you don't realise that, so just putting the point across.

can i also say here that its a nannies responsability to make sure the children are eating a well balanced diet, and while i agree they are old enough to cook simple meaks for themselves, this is not their responsability. This is why sindy employed her- to ensure her children were well fed and looked after.