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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Are we expecting too much of AP?

59 replies

anotherdamnname · 15/11/2018 21:14

Our au pair is sweet and the dcs like her but she just can't seem to stay on top of her responsibilities. I can't tell if we're asking an unfair amount (she's our first AP) or she is just incapable/lazy. She certainly lacks any common sense.

She has to be on duty 8-9am: get 1 dc dressed and walk to school. Then again 3-7pm: pick 1 dc up from school, help with reading, collect other dc (different school), oversee reading and homework, cook simple tea and clear up, get them into bath in time for us getting home, help them get their things ready for next day. Plus the dcs washing but no other housework.

Every day something slips. She struggles to be on duty on time, so we have to call her. Homework gets left at home not put back in bags, or not done. Washing gets done but not put away, or only some things get washed. Things get broken and she doesn't tell us. She let one dc tramp dog poo into the house and left me to clean the shoes. She never tidies except if asked directly, I.e. please put x away. We rarely use our babysitting hours but planned to tonight - I came home early to find dc still up (late), AP was on the phone, but she still hadn't found time to do their reading with them.

We've tried so many ways to help her:
A detailed guidebook we went through at the beginning, have been through again and highlighted areas where she wasn't quite getting it
Several friendly chats about where things were slipping - mostly being on time and laundry.
A week later a cross chat where I made it clear I was annoyed that I had to spend the weekend washing uniforms and bedding (amongst other things)
A one page summary of responsibilities so it's all in one place
A fridge whiteboard with the main tasks (for all of us so it's not singling her out) to tick off daily. Yesterday nothing was ticked off. Sometimes she ticks things without having done them or only half done.

They are not huge things in themselves but they do have big impacts (e.g. missing a train so ending up late for work, DCs having to wear dirty uniform to school, dcs going to bed late so tired in the morning), and it constantly puts us in the position of having to remind her/nag her, and getting irritated.

She's not with us for much longer and it is not really worth looking for someone else early, but can anyone suggest ways to give her (another) kick up the bum? Or do we just need to hugely lower expectations and fill the gaps ourselves?

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anotherdamnname · 17/11/2018 20:14

Mum2 they got into 2 different schools. We could now move dc1 into dc2s school (the closest) which we are considering, but don't want to disrupt.
After school clubs all full, and don't go late enough.
Interesting you say too old for bath together, never considered that! My dcs love their bath together.

Ok will think of her more like babysitter. I did think laundry and cooking was par for the course though, it says that on all the AP sites.

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Hohocabbage · 17/11/2018 20:12

All of this doesn’t sound hard but I have to do it myself and it takes me ages, so I know it isn’t as easy as it looks!

BasinHaircut · 17/11/2018 20:06

I think that’s possibly too much work.

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 17/11/2018 20:04

Orlande that makes good sense. A teenager should be able to interact and play with them and keep them safe/happy. But I wouldnt expect multitasking. Or really sole responsibility for the kids and their needs during the week. Picking them up, giving them their tea and playing with them /taking to playdates or activities would be what I imagine. We've had teenage babysitters and they're really lovely but the main thing is they interact with the child, especially if theyre that childs main carer for weekdays.

mumto2babyboys · 17/11/2018 20:01

Why are they in different schools if both primary age?

If the other school is close by why can't an after school/daycare club collect them instead of an au pair?

Orlande · 17/11/2018 19:59

If you need someone who is going to be on top of everything, has common sense, will get homework done etc then definitely look for a nanny/nanny-housekeeper.

Teenage babysitter I would expect someone nice who the kids like, dropped off/collected from school on time and to come home to everyone alive, fed and probably watching TV.

mumto2babyboys · 17/11/2018 19:59

Aren't they a bit old to be in a bath together also

anotherdamnname · 17/11/2018 19:52

Orlande that sounds sensible thank you. Though its too late to do homework really.
Nb she gets them into bath but we get home and finish bath time.

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anotherdamnname · 17/11/2018 19:50

Milktwosugars that's really mean. Thanks for piling on to my working mother guilt.
I spend alone time with each dc each day. Which is why I don't want to fill it with homework and getting ready for school.
Do you enjoy going online purely to make people feel shit?

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Abra1de · 17/11/2018 19:48

It sounds like a lot for a teenager on low pay.

Orlande · 17/11/2018 19:44

I would simplify her jobs a bit
Do the school pick ups
Make tea and tidy up after
Get the children to read
Get the children to get their uniform out.

When you get home at 7 you can do children's bath/shower and check older one did his homework.

As for the laundry - could the children go to an after school club one to free up a few hours for that?

Sparrowlegs248 · 17/11/2018 19:41

Do they need bathing every night and does washing need doing every day? Making that adjustment will make life easier.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/11/2018 19:40

Do you spend any time with your children yourself? Or do anything for them yourself?

It sounds to me like you need a nanny rather than an au pair.

mumto2babyboys · 17/11/2018 19:35

Is there an after school club somewhere close that will pick up even one of your kids?

Why are they in different schools if both school age?

Orlande · 17/11/2018 19:32

How old is your AP? What is her childcare/housework experience like?

I wouldn't be surprised if she finds it too much to do two tasks at the same time. I probably wouldn't expect her to do bath time either.

When I had an au pair she got dc dressed, breakfast and took them to school.
Did laundry or hoovering while they were at school.
Collected them from school and gave them a snack. Supervised them playing or watching TV.

Just keep in mind that you're getting a teen babysitter - she's watching the children, tidying up etc. Multi-tasking, supervising homework, bath time maybe does require someone with a bit more experience imo.

anotherdamnname · 17/11/2018 19:28

8-7pm Hmm. Not sure where you got that.
She has 1 child for a total of 3 hours and 2 for the other 2 hours.
If APs can't do that what are they meant to do?

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JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 17/11/2018 19:27

But tbh I really don't know what is a typical expectation. Im feeling relieved I didnt go abroad as one now though as I had been tempted!

anotherdamnname · 17/11/2018 19:26

And yes she gets bed, board and use of car. We offered a phone but she didn't want it!

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JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 17/11/2018 19:25

I couldn't have basically been responsible for 2 children from 8am - 7pm and be responsible for all child related homework/cooking/washing in those hours too as a teenager (not sure I do now tbh... we have activities afer school, washing gets done at the weekend etc.)

Blinking good value if all things child related is basically taken care of all week for pocket money and you just have to do bedtime and weekends. If we had a spare room it would be tempting for the help!

anotherdamnname · 17/11/2018 19:23

Wow, such mixed responses! Tbh I though school run, kids homework and tea plus kids washing was normal au pair stuff.
The cooking is all super basic (It's for herself as well as she eats early) - sausages, pasta pesto, microwave baked potato. Also we asked if she could cook so no surprises.
Now it looks like:
8-9: get dc2 dressed and walk to school. Put a wash on.
3-5: collect dc2, do reading and quiet play. Hang washing at same time (It's in same room)
5-7: collect dc1, check homework is complete, if not ask dc to do it (No supervision needed) while tea is on.
Tea then into bath by 7. Washing away and uniform ready while bath running.

If we an AP really can't manage that then we'll accept our expectations are way out and get a nanny!

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Brimstonenotfire · 17/11/2018 19:08

Good grief at these replies!
That’s a really basic expectation and easily doable plus she has all day to herself and rarely babysits

And I assume gets bed and board and phone etc

She’s lazy and taking the piss

Call her out formally. You’ll be doing her a favour when she starts a job in future.

Orlande · 17/11/2018 19:08

When is she supposed to do the washing?
Also cooking tea might be a bit much for a young person not used to it.

I think you expect childcare or chores in a particular time slot but not both.

Twickerhun · 17/11/2018 19:04

I’d struggle to do that most days!

Printerneedsink · 17/11/2018 19:03

Sounds fine.

anotherdamnname · 17/11/2018 19:00

Justkeepswimming, which bit is more nanny's role? Or just the amount?
If so which bit should we cut?

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