Are we expecting too much of AP?

My youngest 2 love having a bath together! They beg to have one! Love getting the barbies out and play in the water! 2 girls 9 1/2 and nearly 8

This is a zombie thread.

I would be very surprised if the au pair is still working for the OP.

It seems reasonable to me OP

You mention bed and board. Any payment?

"She has to be on duty 8-9am: get 1 dc dressed and walk to school. Then again 3-7pm: pick 1 dc up from school, help with reading, collect other dc (different school), oversee reading and homework, cook simple tea and clear up, get them into bath in time for us getting home, help them get their things ready for next day. Plus the dcs washing but no other housework" ..... To me this seems totally normal, straight forward and not too much at all. Picking kids up from school, homework and tea, bath time 3-7pm... yes, normal! I'm assuming she can do laundry in her own time during the week between 9 and 3pm however? In which case she has tones of free time.

It sounds reasonable, but perhaps you need to stay on top of her for a few days until she gets it. For example, teach her the short cuts, tidy up while food is cooking, throw the laundry in while the kids are in the the bath etc.

YANBU about the being late - absolutely fundamental.

These are issues with basic manners and would drive me mental:

Things get broken and she doesn't tell us. She let one dc tramp dog poo into the house and left me to clean the shoes.

You can't behave like that in someone else's home (i.e. nothing to do with her being an au pair, just a considerate person) or in a house share.

Also, she shouldn't be on her phone during working hours when there's stuff to do. She could certainly have been reading with your DC rather than being on the phone.

That said: I have never known an au pair who could do all of those things you mention, all of the time. I would forget about the washing and also make a point of checking their bags yourself. I would draw a distinction between helping with homework and ensuring the children are doing something towards it (on the understanding you will take over/check it) as opposed to running around, watching TV etc. The first is probably not realistic, the second is fine. It's not a long period of time.

Simple meals - fine. Trying to wash and supervise homework and do the meals, if I have that right, is not going to happen.

It sounds reasonable if you take out the washing and having all the uniform ready. I think those are jobs foe the parents, in particular checking everything is ready for the next day.

You need a nanny, that's not reasonable for an au pair.

@mumto2babyboys
Absolute bullshit.

You live in your world of checklists and ticking boxes and we'll live in the real world. 🙄

Attitudes like yours, throwing around the phrase safe guarding, makes a mockery of real safety issues.

OP we've had APs for years - it is too much but you know that. Good luck with the change, I hope it works out.

I think 8 and 5 are too old to be sharing a bath as safeguarding goes from 4-7 and the no pants rule and they should be bathed separated or older child introduced to the shower alone

What does this mean? Safeguarding goes from 4-7 what?

Really think you need a nanny for the job after she goes.

Suggest using a laundary service, and keeping the Au pair’s focus on just the kids. Au pairs don’t earn a lot, many don’t see it as a long term career. In my opinion it’s a service for people who don’t want to pay for a highly qualified nanny.

I think 8 and 5 are too old to be sharing a bath as safeguarding goes from 4-7 and the no pants rule and they should be bathed separated or older child introduced to the shower alone

In those hours I would aim for picking up children, keeping them alive and making them tea. Possibly homework / reading but only depending on their moods.

Laundry, tidying up tea and possibly bath time I would expect to be later.

Even just buy extra uniforms then

Totally understand the time limits on daycare thats why I'm stuck paying for the most expensive one in my city just because they are flexible

Are you getting a new au pair from the same company?

Maybe try advertising on Fb there are au pair groups on there sometimes

I would definitely prefer a babysitter or au pair not to be multi tasking. As a mum I do it but I can’t give children my full attention. After school can be so difficult so what sounds possible in theory can be impossible with grumpy exhausted children. I don’t expect to get any housework done until they’re in bed. I cook the bare minimum with them around.

That is a huge amount of work. The after school time slot can be very difficult.

Do they need a bath every night? Does washing need to be done every day?

1night bath, other night laundry??

Is there any way that laundry could be cut to every second/third day? That might take the pressure off her just now.

Light housework is fine but as separate hours, not trying to combine with homework and childcare time. I think that’s the issue rather than any of your individual tasks being unreasonable. I did lots of after school care back in the day, and other than one little girl who would only agree to practice her spelling in the bath, there wasn’t much multitasking. Kids would play quietly(ish) while I made dinner but otherwise I was supposed to be focusing on them.

I also think that’s too much work. I have children of similar age and employ a nanny. You can’t expect her to do two school runs, supervise tired grumpy children , nag them to do homework, tidy toys , bath homework and bed as well as laundry. That’s a nanny role. I would have thought tea and supervising play was enough for an au pair with reading homework and laundry.

Yes - laundry and cooking (well heating really - you're lucky to find an au pair who is a good, confident cook ime), hoovering, running errands are all fine as duties but not at the same time as doing childcare.
People might have a split of say 15 hours a week childcare, 5-10 light housework.

As a parent you might find it easy to do some laundry while also supervising breakfast but a young person with no experience of either in an unfamiliar country/house is just learning the skills to do each of those things let alone both together.

It also takes them a lot longer to do everything - whether that's hoovering or getting children's shoes and coats on and off for multiple school runs - so you have to factor in more time for each task than it would take someone who has had years of practice.

I had lots of au pairs growing up. They didn’t do nearly as much as you suggest. Collected from school, fed us dinner and kept us company. Agree with those who say it sounds more like a role for a nanny.

anotherdamnname - Do I like coming online to make people feel like shit? Well not really, no, but when you're complaining that a young person barely (if at all) out of their teens and being paid pocket money isn't doing enough when they're doing everything child related I think it's kinda called for.

As I said, I think you should be paying for a nanny for what you want.