Child persistently bitten

Ffs..how is this not obvious..don't send her back...your childminder is not fit for purpose,and needs reporting to ofsted

I am a cm and I say do not send her back.

I have had bitters , part of the job . Some are reactivist some are really sneaky . I had one bite a new child who was sat on my lap no reason ( possible didn’t want me cuddling new child) but walked up smiling. However bite was cleaned , both sets of parents were informed.

I don’t like the way your dd is been blamed and I am also appalled Your dd was left alone for 30 minutes. Children that age don’t share , encouraging side by side play is usual.

I would put your complaint in writing . Ask for complaints procedure.

I think your dd is possibly acting up there but for very good reason . Any child that was bitten here would be given lots of care and attention not the other way round

I appreciate that you are worrying about finances and wanting to ensure you have as much money as possible for when you go on maternity leave but YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR CHILD FIRST AND REMOVE FROM THE CM IMMEDIATELY!!

I cannot believe that you are still going to send your child back to this CM after what you have told us in this thread.

Please listen to everyone here, it is pretty unanimous that your CM is at best neglecting your child. This can potentially be very damaging to your child's development.

I'm utterly gobsmacked that you're putting finances over your daughters safety. You don't seem to be listening to the numerous posters who have said your daughter is being assaulted and neglected by this child minder. So long as you get your commission though OP that's what matters 

Your child is being abused by this childminder, and still you keep sending her back. "Time out" for a 20 month old is 5 minutes sitting on the naughty step in full view of the carer. 30 minutes by herself is abuse. If you had an elderly parent in care and they were bitten and locked away by themselves, would you tolerate it?? Childcare is supposed to be a loving and nurturing environment, a home from home, not a place of abuse. Take the financial hit and get your child out now!

If you aren't going to move her, I'd ask her to explain exactly what happened on that time out, that you don't want it done again, why you aren't getting notification of bites, what is she doing to manage biting, what she is referring to regarding challenging behaviour, how she's going to manage that appropriately which isn't going to involve time outs, and I'd also complain about her trying to infer your daughter in anyway brings the biting on herself.

If you find it difficult on pick up/drop off could you write an email over the weekend and ask to have some time Monday morning to discuss?

The consensus on the thread is everyone would move her, but we only have the snapshot of this thread. Find out exactly what's going on.

I'm curious over the half an hour time out, it sounds so awful. Did she maybe mean she'd put her to play somewhere else or something? I put mine to play in different areas sometimes if they are all wound up, need some quiet time etc.

At the end of the day I think you need to go with your gut on this, speak to her and make your decision from there.

But surely your mat leave will be the same length over all and any loss incurred from the commission would be countered by not having to pay any child minder fees for ythe next 6 months??

Thanks for explaining about the au pair, I didn't realise they couldn't look after children younger than 2.

I'd be concerned about the biting obviously but if she's actually leaving a twenty month old in a room on her own for half an hour there is no chance I would be sending my child back there, ever. That really stuck out for me.

I understand you wanting to be around in September but I don't think that trumps what's happening now.

Do you don't get paid maternity leave then? I'm confused about the unpaid leave as you can take maternity leave any time after 29 weeks.

Find another childminder or a nursery. You can't trust this one and she sounds unprofessional.

My son had similar at nursery with the difference that he was a bit older and could tell me who it was. The fourth time he'd been bitten hard by this child in a month I'm afraid I lost my shit.
Asked my child to tell me in front of the staff who had bitten him (which they didn't like) and threw around lots of words like 'safeguarding' 'letting down both children' (mine and the biter) demanded to know why biter wasn't supervised more closely. We had a meeting after with the manager and it never happened again.

How are you paying an au pair when you can't afford to leave work a few weeks early? And surely you don't need the childminder if you have an au pair and you're going to be on mat leave anyway very shortly?

This is the worst childminder in history by the way. You need to report her to anyone you can.

Hi OP

I feel where you’re coming from, pressure about upcoming maternity leave and difficulties you had with DC as a newborn. Plus the month deposit and funds being short. Lots of pressures at a very stressful time for you.

However, this can’t go on. You need to protect your daughter. Additionally,now the childminder has finally written something about biting in the book but also that your daughter is challenging - sounds as though maybe she is lining up things to no longer have your daughter.

You mention an au pair. Can you either increase her hours (and pay with funds that would normally go to child minder), even just temporarily until you work out another arrangement, or find alternative live in help paying the combined salary of au pair and child minder so the costs to you are the same? This carer can then take your daughter to playgroups for socialising with other children.

I haven’t had need of childminders in many, many years. However, in the past I had one I gave notice to when moving out of the area do no issues about funds but one we fired as she was taking my son with her to work at a burger bar (cash in hand) while also meant to be minding my child in her home. There was no deposit and of course we did not pay her in lieu of notice.

Perhaps other MNers can advise how you can get your deposit back as chilminder has (1) failed to safeguard your daughter from repeated biting (2) failed to write up/record these incidents with correct paperwork ( is she in breach of set rules?) (3) is indicating your daughter is a problem (causing herself to be bit) and is perhaps opening dialogue to end arrangement therefore your deposit should be refunded.

With these factors, I’m hoping there’s a way to end the arrangement and get your deposit back without having to give requisite notice. I’m just not savvy in that area but seems as though you have cause.

I just don't see how you can even contemplate sending her back. If you have time off saved to support her when the baby comes, use it now, now is when she needs it. Start your mat leave early, give her a few months with you and look for better childcare in that time. You mention an au pair???

Move her. She sounds absolutely shit.

Really you need to pull her out. Write a letter to the childminder explaining why. Keep hold of the communication book. I would also report her to ofsted.

This all sounds terrible OP, I wouldn't be keeping my child with an adult who cannot control the children she is supposed to be responsible for and thinks it's acceptable to lock a toddler away for half an hour. That is shocking. And then the unexplained marks on your DDs bottom sound really worrying, I would be wanting an explanation and if one wasn't given I would be reporting the CM. How many children is she minding? Because as far as I'm aware she can have a maximum of three toddlers which should be easy to supervise and stop any bad behaviour, does she have more children than the ratios allow? This sounds like a horrible experience for your DD and at this age where they can't communicate a whole lot I wouldn't want to risk them being at harm and not able to tell anyone. I'd pull her out and lose the money, although you could try and challenge her on that by pointing out she hasn't been recording injuries and accidents properly and you removing your daughter is due to safety concerns because of her negligence, she may be guilted into refunding you if she thinks you won't report. Still report her though, she sounds like she should never be supervising children alone.

I really can't believe you're considering sending her back on Monday. I understand all of the reasons you have come up with that you can't pull her out but she is being repeatedly hurt, left alone for 30 minutes, and now you've had discovered horrendous marks on her bottom.

You're daughters safety needs to come first over anything else. Would you continue to go in to work where someone was biting you and locking you in a room on your own for 30 minutes. I highly doubt it.

The childminder needs reporting to OFSTED. She sounds horrendous and abusive

If it was me (and it wouldn't be), I wouldn't be expecting to see the parents or child again. I would just expect a letter saying she was leaving. In an ideal world a child would attend for the notice period and everyone would have closure, but this is a safety issue.

Please change your childminder!

Yes, biters can be incredibly fast, I’ve worked with several, but your childminder should be being highly vigilant and working on distraction techniques and activities and be able to outline her strategies to you so that you can see she is doing all she can.

Legally, not reporting accidents and incidents she is on very shaky ground, and this combined with secluding your dd for 30 mins (which breaks my heart to think of, so I can imagine how you felt in hearing this) would for me equal a phonecall to ofsted, no questions.

I’ve worked in early years all my working life, this is appalling bad practice and reportable. The biters’ parent should also be aware of any incidents (excluding all names) and a plan put in place if this is a repeated behaviour. Equally, if she is correct and your child is displaying challenging behaviour, you should be involved in putting strategies and sanctions in place for her and you to both use together at home and at the minders.

Your childminder is not safeguarding your child, please get out.

Forgot to add. Does the child minder have any children of her own? I'm wondering if it could be her own child biting and that's why she's blaming yours?