Child persistently bitten

Just seen this is a few days old, sorry! Hope you got it sorted OP.

Isn't 'time out' supposed to be 1 minute per year of age? I very much doubt it's an effective way of managing behaviour in a 20 month old anyway, especially when it's another child that's at fault. All this did was ensure the childminder could guarantee herself 30 minutes where she could carry on ignoring the kids (or at least not managing them effectively) safe in the knowledge there wouldn't be any more bite marks to explain. Can you sure this isolation was a one-off incident? I wouldn't be taking her back because the biting is very unlikely to be the whole story, it's just the part you've noticed because it's a physical mark. Sorry OP.

There is no way on this planet my child would be returning to said CM.

30 minute time out?! Your child coming home being bitten?!

The answer is as plain as day.

Any update op?

@OP

Could you please tell us:

How long has the CM been registered?

When was her last Ofsted inspection?

What grade was she given at inspection?

Thanks

I agree with checking whether the 30 minutes was a time out on her own on a step or something, or a chance for her to have a break from the biter and play with some toys in peace. Both completely different.

Let us know what happens! Hope all ok and you've managed to sort alternative childcare.
If you're confident with your au pair then I see no reason to offer her more hours in the short term if she'd like them. Obviously you'd pay her accordingly, but I think the rule is based on using your own judgement and not taking the p**s where some people may make their au pair work loads of hours for pocket money.

Good luck with your meeting today OP. Let us know how you get on.

I’d report your childminder for the 30 mins in a separate room

Good luck with the meeting. Hope it goes well.

Good luck today OP.

Good luck today OP.

HauntedPencil

As per your earlier post, I too am curious about the "time out". I think it was initially described something like "put in a room on her own for 30 minutes." That description could cover any number of scenarios from the totally innocuous to the downright dreadful.

At one end of the scale, she could have been separated from some kind of scuffle, been placed in the next room within sight/hearing of the cm, and played contentedly for half an hour. At the other, she could have been shut away and ignored. We don’t know. Only the cm knows for sure and, as you say, the OP is absolutely due a full explanation.

It says a lot that so many posters have, on next to no evidence, jumped to the worst conclusions and seem to believe the child was cruelly shut away in the manner of some latter day Mrs Rochester. At least one earlier contributor actually inflated this so far a sign to say the child has been "locked up".

Such distortions, coupled with The excessively emotive tones employed, make it very difficult to keep things in perspective. This probably explains why the poor OP I still getting dog's abuse instead of some decent advice and support.

While we’re on the subject, does anybody else think it’s right that the tone of this thread should turn against the OP just because she has an au pair?

I agree with that, all mine have been bitten more than once. As I had a biter I can appreciate they can move like lightening.

Could be sat there playing nicely then whoosh.

I think you should go to the meeting with an open mind, and try to establish the facts.

Biting and behaviour issues are very emotive issues on which many people have strong, but ill-considered opinions. Much of what’s been written on this thread I’d OTT and unhelpful to your situation. It’s as if some posters enjoy exaggerating and distorting the little we know to paint the biter as 'evil' and the childminder as the devil incarnate. As if that’s not enough, they have then extended this 'logic' to suggest you’re a bad mum for keeping the child there.

You should speak your mind and demand answers, along the lines of what PrincessScarlett has detailed. You should also listen to what the cm has to say: she may have some valid explanations.

It’s then down to you to decide if this arrangement could still work. I think that would require the cm making some significant improvements. But, without being judgmental, you may have to make some adjustments yourself, as it may be necessary to address aspects of your child's behaviour too.

More likely, you’ll end up looking for a new childcare provider. But that may still mean accepting some uncomfortable realities. For one thing, biting is far more common than most people are prepared to accept, and the solutions are not as simple as some here seem to believe.

You're welcome OP. I'm glad you have managed to find some alternatives for childcare. Hopefully you will find an amazing CM, there are lots about. It makes me sad and angry that your current CM's actions give the rest of us a bad name.

Ah well because she is happy going in when you drop her off, doesn't matter she's being left in a room for 30 minutes on her own or being repeatedly bitten, both which must be painful and upsetting and confusing for her. I'm done, there's no getting through to you OP.

30 minute time out for a 20 month old that can’t speak yet? Child returned with bite marks without any warning or explanation? Bloody ridiculous. I feel bad for your little girl.

The childminder has a duty of care to let you know if she’s been hurt or is hurting others. It doesn’t really matter who initiated it, the childminder needs to sort it out. Time out can be given at that age but for only 2 minutes or so- or maybe a toy is taken away. I wouldn’t want to leave my child with someone so incapable with children.

Please do not ever send your daughter back to her, if you do you are failing in your duty to protect her from harm.

Money does not come into this, it is about your daughters wellbeing. Take time off work. Go on sick leave but do not let,your daughter keep going back to that unsafe environment, if you do you are guilty of neglect. Nothing in life is more important than the safety and well-being of your child.

Also please report her to ofsted and send copies of texts and messages out of her book as the childminder is a disgrace to the profession and is failing to safeguard children in her care.

I cannot emphasise how important this is. Good luck x

OP, some thought for your meeting with the CM on Monday.

You need to make notes of all the incidents to date. You should ask to see her behaviour management policy and her complaints policy, although you should have seen/had copies of all of this when your child started with her.

You need to explain calmly that frequent biting incidents and 30 minutes solitary confinement is not acceptable. Ask her how she plans to protect your child going forward and whether she has spoken to biting child's parents. She should be working with the parents to manage the situation.

Ask her for the paperwork for each biting incident. She should be filling in a form each time this happens and should be asking you to sign to confirm you have been made aware.

Mention the scabs on your child's bottom and ask her is she's noticed.

Ask her for details/incidents of your child's challenging behaviour. I bet she won't be able to think of any on the spot and has used this as an excuse for not monitoring the biting.

If she comes out with a whole list of things ask her why, if your child is so bad, she has not mentioned this before. She is not working in partnership with parents which she should be.

Tell your CM that you want to resolve the situation and work with her to do this. If she's a decent CM she will take on board all of this and be happy to work with you.

Is your CM actually Ofsted registered? The lack of paperwork and flouting safeguarding regulations is something she could be shut down for so for her to be acting so unprofessionally I wonder whether she's even registered.

As regards your child going in happy and coming home happy, it could be that she has just accepted the situation which is worrying in itself as your child is very vulnerable to accepting potentially abusive behaviour not just now but in the future.

Good luck for Monday. I hope it works out but in my honest opinion I couldn't send my child back to her.

Change childminder. Report to Ofsted. She is not following appropriate guidelines.

You owe it to the childminder?????? Dear god...your child has been bit 8 fucking times .on her ...on her watch .....clearly she is not fit for purpose..your child needs to be safe..