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Original poster

Working 60 hours on shift, impossible childcare situations!

32 replies

civicxx · 16/09/2018 18:43

Help!

Me & my partner currently work in the same place on the same shift doing the same hours. 60 hours one week, 24 the next. (Although overtime is currently needed so it's more like 70/34) We work 6-6 days & nights, the shift pattern operates 364 days a year.

We net around £4200.
We have a 3 bedroom house but do not have a room free for an Au Pair nor the parking room & don't think it would suit us.
Does anybody know how we could overcome our upcoming childcare issue?

Daughter is 8 & pretty much takes care of herself. Currently she stays with grandparents (who we pay). When working day shift I then come out of work to pick her up & take her to school as we couldn't find anybody to pick her up from one area of the town and take her to school in another. She then is collected by a childminder on the days we work untill 6pm & then taken back to grandparents.

On a weekend she is solely with grandparents which costs me around £90 for the weekend, however grandparents have their own stuff to do & child isn't really being entertained or engaged in much bar YouTube on the computer.

On a night shift daughter does to grandparents at 5.30 after running round like a lunatic doing showers after swimming, tea & homework. Daughter then sleeps at grandparents & is collected by me in the morning for school. The struggle to stay awake & then drive is horrendous each shift.

Come June grandparents have said they no longer want to look after daughter & we are faced with zero childcare.

Could anybody suggest any ideas?
We are able to go on opposite shifts so that one persons days off is the others in, however this just would not work we would never see each other atall. We are also able to go on opposite in the sense that when one is on nights the other is on days, but can't really see how this would make things much different either.
Very worried that I will have to leave!

Any intel majorly appreciated!

OP posts:
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Original poster
civicxx · 17/09/2018 15:01

@FruitCider

We've looked at that, we would still need a nanny a few times a month for when we cross for example on the what you worked out there there would be a Sunday night where on is on nights & the other starting at 6am on the Monday. Massive improvement though & what we are considering on doing, think we could ask to do it for a month now & see how it works out.

I've printed paperwork off today to request flexible working but expect it will be denied.

OP posts:
EmeraldVillage · 17/09/2018 13:54

Ah ok so I assume your partner isn’t your daughter’s father. And thus if a career has to take a hit it will be yours.

If you want to go down the nanny route I would suggest finding local nanny agencies and discussing. There is only going to be a finite number of people who the job would appeal to though given the weekend work and irregular hours as it would make it difficult for them to have a regular life. You could also tryvplaces like gumtree but do your due diligence.

I get the impression though that you don’t have a space room/ is that right? If so I can’t see a nanny/au pair etc can work as where would they sleep?

AndWhat · 17/09/2018 13:32

We tried opposite shifts when I returned from Mat leave. Within 2 months we knew it would not work for us. The small time we got as a family was spent on admin and chores or arguing!
I ended up changing roles to a Daytime role so I could do pickup/drop off at wraparound care.
What works for you and your family won’t be the same for others.

DorothyGarrod · 17/09/2018 13:19

Could you find a local older teenager who could help? I would have loved that kind of thing and £90 a weekend would be loads of money to them!

FruitCider · 17/09/2018 13:08

Why can't one of you do

Mon tues day
Fri, sat, sun night
Weds thurs day

And the other do
Weds Thursday day
Mon tues day
Fri Sat sun night

?

Then you wouldn't have any childcare problems...

Original poster
civicxx · 17/09/2018 12:48

@MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig thanks so much for that, Mum net went in and edited it for me this morning :)

Yes it is four shifts. So say this week we do Monday & Tuesday 6-6 Day
Friday, Saturday & Sunday 6-6 nights.

We would still have the crossover which wouldn't be too bad at 6pm but at 6am would be, also at the weekends whoever is on nights would need to sleep the majority.

Glad you found something that works for you as it's very stressful!

I am not intending to do this job forever and I am thinking of putting in a formal flexible working request but I imagine it will be denied: if anybody could offer advice or experience on a nanny that would be great!

OP posts:
3littlemonkeys82 · 17/09/2018 01:29

Is there a different option to working totally opposite shifts? I'm guessing from your op there are 4 shift rotations running? So rather than working totally opposite could you work a shift that butts on to his? So on the week you do 5 shifts he does days, you do nights, the opposite the next week?

Whilst I appreciate you'd literally not see each other for days at a time you would surely still get some rest days together?

We are both emergency services workers and have arranged out shifts to work opposite. Yes it's shit at times but there's always one of us at home for the school and nursery run and we now have zero childcare costs. We have no family support for childcare so this is the only way to do it. We do still end up with around 7 days a month off together when our rest days coincide.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 17/09/2018 00:33

You’ve named your daughter in the last post, did you mean to?

Original poster
civicxx · 17/09/2018 00:01

Thankyou for all replies.
My job has NO flexibility with hours. We are both engineers, working part time isn't an option you get in this profession, sadly either is 9-5 Monday - Friday in most places. I have previously 18 months ago applied for 42 jobs over 4 months & received 3 interviews, the range, asda & Lidl. All of which I didn't hear anything back from, when I chased feedback they said I was over qualified. So just changing jobs isn't as easy as that. & is we can not afford for me to just leave & live off one salary.

I can afford to pay cut yes & I struggle massively with the effect on DD, she can't attend after school clubs, scouts anything like that etc. She attends every club she desires over summer holidays as they are more drop in drop out!

Daughter is never left alone. She goes to nanny's at 7.30pm for bed & I collect her at 7.20am.

I am interested in being a parent. But am I also interested in my career, and just because I am a woman doesn't mean I don't get to have one. Someone has suggested I think that I work 364 days a year? That is clearly not the case, I stated my hours. I have done this job for 2.5 years, ex partners shift made it easier, we crossed over slightly but had a Nanny for those 6 times a month who did have her own room, we don't live in that house anymore.

The 24 hour week is fantastic. I finish at 6 Wednesday Thursday having had the whole of Monday & Tuesday off and the whole weekend, we make big efforts to do things together in this time as we know the next week is pretty crappy.

I am able to drop onto continental days but we're still faced with pretty much the same problem.

Daughter has always spent a lot of time with grandparents, so yes she is back and too a lot but is used to spending time there. I was a single mum the first 5 years & I worked 6-2 2-10 Monday - Friday.

Does anybody have any experience with a nanny? Or know where I would even look?

Ours was a years old family fiends daughter who was qualified in all things she needed to be to look after her etc & had known DD since birth so slightly different to how we would work with one now. But she pretty much ran her wherever she needed to be, school, friends house, after school clubs, days out on the weekend we were working etc.

Although some people have made assumptions I'm thankful for the response, I can see how looking at the shift pattern from the outside must seem pretty crappy but for example in school holidays where most people spend 8-6 away from their child 5 days a week every week, I have a few weeks where it's only two days, and I'm home for 5. Also, the way I can use my holidays is much better than an office, to have a week off I use 2, for 16 days off I use 7. Shift work does have its perks. Especially nights in the week as I work while she's asleep and sleep while she's in school.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 16/09/2018 20:53

I guess you can't work opposite shifts if you need to do the 60 hours one week a if you worked opposite weeks there'd still be handover times where she is not looked after.

I think one of you needs a different job where you work office hours or a nanny.

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 16/09/2018 20:43

We work opposite shifts here. My partner works days and I work nights. I do the nights my partner is off and my partner does the days I'm off. We work in the same place too.

Beckie222 · 16/09/2018 20:36

So when you work days you start at 6am, leave work for a while to bring DD to school and then go back to work? Is she left alone then in the mornings for a few hours when you're both at work?

continuallychargingmyphone · 16/09/2018 20:28

It’s too much for the dd never mind the grandparents.

NewUserNameTime · 16/09/2018 20:26

That sounds intense. Can both of you complete flexible working applications in order to drop hours, say to a 0.6 contract and then work opposite hours?

Have you both always done this? I can understand why it's too much for the grandparents

Dontknowwhatimdoing · 16/09/2018 20:24

Is there any potential for both of you to cut your hours slightly, and adjust shifts slightly so you can cover childcare? Maybe work opposite shifts, but add in some days off together with extra days off?

MistressDeeCee · 16/09/2018 20:16

*au pair

MistressDeeCee · 16/09/2018 20:16

One of you needs to cut down your hours. At least you'd get to spend time with your DD. That's if you want to. Failing that, get an audience pair and out her in the 3rd bedroom.

6-6 days and nights 364 days a year makes me wonder if perhaps grandparents would have your DD live with them permanently, since you're not interested in being parents beyond I suppose providing money for stuff.

victoriaspongecake · 16/09/2018 20:16

To quote Llangennith.....your poor dd. She must never see either of you.

twilightcafe · 16/09/2018 20:04

I do think you and your partner need to have a good, hard look at your finances ask working patterns to see what can give do your DD some stability re childcare.
From your post it seems as if your DD is being pushed from pillar to post in order to make your shift patterns work.

llangennith · 16/09/2018 19:53

Your poor DD

Ostagazuzulum · 16/09/2018 19:32

Ive a funny feeling we might be in a similar job. We had the same, but for me, I felt consistency at home was more important than being on the same shift pattern (that totally isn't a criticism of your choices because you have to do what's best for you) we work opposite shifts now but we use annual leave to spend family time, time together when the other one is waking up and time together before late shifts iyswim. At first i was worried about how it's work having so little time altogether but it works ok, not ideal, but it's still good. We save on childcare, when we do have time together as a family we tend to make sure we do something so it's quality time, and most importantly our dc gets to sleep in their own bed and is at mostly at home, rather than being shipped between houses. Try the opposite shift pattern just to see whether it works. It might be easier than it looks on paper. Good luck.

EmeraldVillage · 16/09/2018 19:20

Well given you need a lot of unsocial hours and overnights that aren’t The same each week, including weekend coverage, I think you’d struggle with anything bar a nanny or possibly au pair. You could call around local childminders but I would be very surprised if anyone could accommodate.

Alternatively between you you’d need to look at your working patterns and either go on alternate shifts, one goes part time or one leaves. But that shouldn’t automatically be you. At least you have a good amount of time to sort it out.

PatriciaHolm · 16/09/2018 19:13

Honestly? I think someone needs to get a new job, round which normal childcare (after school club, childminder) would fit. Either that or nanny or au pair.

3luckystars · 16/09/2018 19:10

Could one of you jobshare? Just for a few years.

There is a ‘shared aupair’ or shared nanny that some families do. As in, they share an aupair or nanny between 2 families. Is there anyone at your place of work that need opposite childcare, this might work.

There is also a live out nanny/aupair, but this would be more expensive than the grandparents.

Working 70 hours a week, both on shift, you are going to end up paying so much, and missing so much, I don’t think it’s worth it. I would seriously consider one person jobsharing.

Good luck.

NerrSnerr · 16/09/2018 19:08

Opposite shifts, au pair or one of you gets a new job.

I changed jobs as I was working shifts and my husband is often abroad and we have no family able to do nights or weekends. It was the only way.

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