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Original poster

How to help the au pair settle in/bond with my DD

54 replies

bloopitybloop · 04/09/2018 16:33

So I had my new au pair start with us on Friday. She seemed lovelywhen we interviewed her and she has been in touch constantly over the past month.

This week in the lead up to the school starting - my DH and I are taking it in turns to work from home while the au pair and DD settle in. My DD can be shy but in general is very kind and listens to instructions and is very affectionate. But somehow they dont seem to have gelled. I realise it's early days but my DD who is 7 ust seems sad and teary eyed. Today i have had to step in and sperate them twice as teh au pair and she got into a "yes you did", "no you didnt" argument. The au pair sounded like she was 7 as well. :D I totally get kids are tough and my DD can drive me up the wall sometimes. This is our second au pair and with the first one they just hit it off straight away.

I have told DD, she has to listen to the au pair and she is the adult. I have told au pair she is the adult and needs to lay the rules but getting into a you - you argument is futile. This au pair comes with child care experience and has watched kids this age.

So my question is - what are you best tips for me to help them gel? Obviously need them both to be happy for this to work.

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sirmione16 · 04/09/2018 17:31

Anyone good with children wouldn't get into that sort of petty argument - for one it's childish and two you just wind the child up to frustration.

Perhaps ask the au pair how's she's finding things, if there's anything you can do to help.

Also, have you gone over your expectations of dd, any discipline rules you have (eg warning then time out) and ensure you're on the same page and that she knows what "force" she can use when dd may start to play up (inevitable) Also would be good to tell her what best works with dd to keep her occupied or what would distract her when she's being strong willed. Basically, give her the ammunition to deal with her if she's not naturally doing so (which it doesn't sound like she is)

Best of luck and best wishes. Try not to worry, she'll learn slowly what works best and if not hopefully you have a good enough rapport to address this in time.

rubyslippers · 04/09/2018 17:18

Sounds like your DD may be a little unsettled - you do have to go to work at some point and perhaps you being around is unnerving ?

Re being on the phone - it’s not a dealbreaker but why is she having such long phone calls? Is she also homesick?

Have a chat over a cuppa and talk to her about how how it’s going etc and her thoughts

Original poster
bloopitybloop · 04/09/2018 17:12

the au pair is 20 - my plan was actually to go to work tomorrow but looking at how today has been i am worried. I do want this to work well for all of us. I sent my DD down a while ago but now the au pair has been on the phone for a long time when she is meant to be with DD. I will have a chat with her about boundaries tonight. the earlier au pair as a short term one and had only been with us 6 weeks and had to leave due to a family situation. I did think DD might be unsettled because of that.

The au pair seemed very happy and we were pleased on Friday and Sa, Sun. She seems a lovely girl but i wonder if she just fnds DD difficult? DD is very shy and takes time to open up - I was very honest about that but i know the reality is different to hearing it on Skype. I am not going to interrupt her call now - am sure she is as stressed as I am and needs a venting channel. I will talk to her over a cup of tea tonight.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 04/09/2018 16:58

You have to keep an eye
Maybe your DD aid having trouble adjusting to a new au pair especially if she really liked the previous one

With the au pair you have to be super clear about boundaries and what’s expected - remember they are part of your family and families have disagreements

I also think a week long settling in period could be unsettling for both - with my au pairs it’s a days induction and then they get on with it!

Is the au pair happy? How old is she?