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Original poster

Should we bring the au pair with us?

32 replies

christmastreewithhairyfairy · 04/09/2018 14:44

We are new to the AP thing (so please go easy!) and don't yet know what is expected or considered fair. We've just had a lovely 18yo arrive - all well and good so far and I have tried hard to make it clear she's part of the family. But now we have a quandry:

For our DCs birthdays my parents want to buy them a legoland trip. They have found a package where you get 2 days with an overnight stay in a themed family room. They hadn't thought about AP though and I have just raised it. It seems our options are:

  • All 5 of of us squeeze into the family room - everyone would have a bed though I feel a bit weird staying in the same room as an 18 year old we've just met. Also we'd have to sneak her in as you are only allowed to book this for 2 adults and 3 children, and we'd also have to pay for a separate 2 day adult park entry.
  • pay for her to have her own room in the same hotel. It would also be a family room so a few hundred £. I don't feel comfortable asking my parents to shell out for this and we also don't really have enough cash for this ourselves at the moment.
  • put her in a different, cheaper hotel nearby.
  • tell her we are going away without her and she has 2 days off. Seems mean though!

WWYD?

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StarlightIntheNight · 12/01/2019 13:46

give her the days off.

Dollymixture22 · 28/12/2018 21:18

If you feel guilty about leaving her alone, why not treat her to a spa day somewhere local? The house to herself and a massage would be heaven for an 18 year old!!

Raggedyaine · 18/12/2018 21:41

When I was an au pair the family went on holiday for 3 weeks. I spent one week painting their house and two weeks au pairing for another family in a different city (friend of a friend of "my" family). I loved my family (we are still good friends 30 years on) but i did not want to go on holiday with them and was quite happy to stay home, although they did invite me so it was ultimately my choice.

worridmum · 18/12/2018 21:34

Just pay her for the 2 days off and be done with it i doubt she would want to go and it would suck for her to be down money because you choose to go on a holiday.

MrsFogi · 09/09/2018 22:56

Your parents are offering this - you do not need to take the AP with you. Just tell her she will have those days off. You will make yourselves social pariahs if you drag an ap along every time you are invited anywhere by others. We invite our AP if we are organising something for our family but no if we are invited by others (family, friends etc) in the same way as you don't expect the AP to invite you to join her social life.

crimsonlake · 06/09/2018 23:50

I am shocked that you would consider sneaking her in and then expect her to share a room with you all? Please do not even suggest it as an option.

Howhot · 06/09/2018 23:38

I think taking her is a lovely idea and something you can plan to do on future occasions as in this case it seems really impractical. Just give her a few days off

blackteasplease · 06/09/2018 23:31

Give her the time off! They don't have to do absolutely everything with you

wombatron · 04/09/2018 18:42

I'd say set the standard you wish to continue in the future. Otherwise the expectation that she would be invited may happen every time?

Frazzled2207 · 04/09/2018 18:38

Give her time off and some cash. Doubt she will complain.
If you're worried about offending her say that it's been arranged for ages.

superram · 04/09/2018 18:28

Either she can come for the day or have time off. Don’t offer anything else as she might say yes. The legoland hotel for a teenager on their own is a waste of money plus you have to buy extortionate food. Offer a £30 bonus for a takeaway-she will take it.

sirmione16 · 04/09/2018 18:22

I'm 22 and if my family I babysit for offered me to come to legoland half price I'd jump on it BlushGrin to see the dcs little faces would be amazing

Original poster
christmastreewithhairyfairy · 04/09/2018 15:15

ah I see spongebob! No was me being dense Grin
Thanks everyone - looks like days off are the way to go

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SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/09/2018 15:09

No, give her a choice if she wants to go, using any of the options other than share a room with you, or stay at home vegging out on her own. I didn't explain that too well did I though I knew what I meant Grin

Original poster
christmastreewithhairyfairy · 04/09/2018 15:01

Haha ok mindchilder Grin

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Mindchilder · 04/09/2018 15:00

God, give her 2 days off! Lovely as I'm sure your family is, an 18 year old does not want to spend two days at Lego land with you.

Original poster
christmastreewithhairyfairy · 04/09/2018 14:59

I think she could get there and back alone fine - it's only about 90 mins away and she came that far to us from her last family. She could drive or get the train which we'd offer to pay too.

I want to treat her as if she was our 18yo DD but the trouble is I have only had DCs up to 7 so no idea what's normal!

OP posts:
sirmione16 · 04/09/2018 14:58

As a previous au pair, I wouldn't mind just having it as days off. Equally if you want her there then you should pay for accommodation elsewhere and the ticket or half the total cost with her if it's just a "would you like to come?"

SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2018 14:56

How far away is it? Could she realistically get there and back alone?

MarthasGinYard · 04/09/2018 14:55

I'd establish if she actually wants to come.

She might jump at the chance of the extra time off

SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2018 14:55

I'd give her the day off. You can't afford to pay hundreds for her room, abd realistically if this was your Uni aged child you wouldn't take them.
Leave money for take out and let her enjoy the peace

Original poster
christmastreewithhairyfairy · 04/09/2018 14:53

Just thought of another option - pay for (or offer to pay for) just a day pass for her but she stays at home for the other day and overnight?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 04/09/2018 14:52

Give her the days off

Or if she wants to come her own room!!

Original poster
christmastreewithhairyfairy · 04/09/2018 14:51

Thanks all. We wouldn't go immediately, probably half term so maybe she will appreciate a break by then as my dcs are pretty hard work

spongebob what do you mean by a choice, offer her the chance to stay in the room with us? if so what if she says yes?!

OP posts:
Harrykanesrightsock · 04/09/2018 14:51

Leave her at home with a bit of cash for a takeaway.