Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Help, my new nanny is a bit shouty, and I'm worried, and would like advice on how to handle it

313 replies

PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 11:46

My lovely calm, quiet, loving nanny of 5 years left last week, and a new nanny started. She is NNEB, worked in a nursery (baby room) most recently, nannied for 2 children before that. She's now been with us for just over a week.

I'm a little worried about how she interacts with the children. She has been playing quite well with DD1 (9), and has been givena very hard time by DD2 (16 months) who screams at strangers generally and hasn't settled with her yet (screamed constantly yesteerday morning when I went to the supermarket apparently). DS1 (6) has been OK with her, DS2 (3) had his tonsils and adenoids out last Tues and was feeling rotten until this weekend.

She is a bit of a sargeant major - issues orders and won't brook any discussion at all, even when it would be (I think) completely reasonable to listen to what they are saying. eg she was asking them to go upstairs for a bath - we have two staircases to go up, and DS2 wanted to go up the other one to the one she was asking him to go up - and she was raising her voice and saying "DS2, I have asked you to go up to your bath and you need to go up these stairs NOW". I don't see why he couldn't have gone up the other ones if he wanted to. There are lots of other examples - I don't think I heard my last nanny raise her voice more than about 2ce (usually in situations where I would have strangled them hours previously!), whereas raising her voice appears to be this nannies MO.
My 9 year old has asked me why she shouts so much
My housekeeper has told me she is concerned.

What do I do?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Eleusis · 04/06/2007 09:34

If I were you, I'd being going throught the points:

1- Seargant Major drill squad you ain't.
2- DD playing in pool alone... prefer not to think about it.
3- Your kids generally don't like her
4- Your trust has been broken
5- Doesn't keep the kids entertained when you are around (this is her job).

I'm sure there was more I've forgotten.

You are doing the right thing. Parental responsibilites are not always fun... but they ever so important. You are looking out for your kids, and that is your job.

Eleusis · 04/06/2007 09:30

x posted

Eleusis · 04/06/2007 09:30

Good luck Peahead. Think I'd send her home in the taxi.

I haven't really got much to add. I think you know what you need to say.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 04/06/2007 09:28

aurgh I'm hiding in here momentarily. Have booked taxi for 9.45 - what do you think, 10 mins before?

aurghghghg

keep rereading earlybirds post!

OP posts:
Tutter · 04/06/2007 07:23

good luck today pph

bet you feel a lot better just having made the decision

JoolsToo · 03/06/2007 22:33

Do a Minty on her

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 22:03

that's good to hear. yup, now that I've made the decision I just want to execute it (so to speak!)

fantastic name btw

OP posts:
BaffledByBabyTights · 03/06/2007 22:02

pph, I have just skimmed this, but had an almost identical situation 2 months ago, and ended up paying a simialr amount to get rid quickly, as the boys were so upset by her shouting. Never have regretted it, despite the problems of coping without whilst working.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 21:56

ah but dogsby I don't HAVE a cellar! (high water table round here dontcha know)

I know her nursery would have her back in a flash, that's true.

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 03/06/2007 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dogsby · 03/06/2007 21:54

she hides them in her celar tbh

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 21:54

fabulous soon to be ex employer
sigh
thanks nurseyjo

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 03/06/2007 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 21:52

think we cross posted!
what do you think?

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 03/06/2007 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 21:50

hi milge!
yes but the waiting for the cab would be awful as well (they take years to find us).
I did think of asking the HK to drive her home...

I was going to give her 3.5 weeks pay (she has worked 8 days (9 inc tomorrow, and one of those a bank hol) and has notice of a week so that would give her an extra week on top.
Also it is a round grand.
Expensive for 9 days substandard childcare, but that'll teach me

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 21:47

haha
I did think about phoning her tonight and doing the deed over the phone, and asking her to return the car and pick up her cheque in the next couple of days... but bottled. Might not have been a bad idea, but it is too late now. Anyway I'm not a complete coward (I don't think?!)

OP posts:
milge · 03/06/2007 21:47

It does sound like you are making the right decision - a nursery to sole charge of 4 children is a huge jump - she is clearly used to other people being around to share the load.
you need to make it clear that there is no going back, she cannot rectify the mistake, you have no confidence in her to keep your children safe and that there will be no 2nd chances.
I would take guidance from the agency re pay and any request for a reference.
I would personally call her a cab rather than endure the drive home with her - utterly grim I imagine.
You are going through the mill atm, aren't you

CrispyNoodles · 03/06/2007 21:45

You could go down the passive aggressive route: print out this thread, add the words 'please post the car keys through the letter box', and sellotape it to your front door?
Seriously though, I hope it goes well - have skimmed the thread and it sounds like you are making the right decision for you all.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 21:43

oooh bloody hell that's good earlybird

I'm going to memorise that

thank you very much

brilliant

OP posts:
Earlybird · 03/06/2007 21:41

Can you say that it became clear last week that you/she have different style/approaches to things - which in itself might be workable. But, the safety issue is a deal breaker, and you feel too uneasy to continue. It may have been an 'honest' mistake, but it's one that could have had catastrophic consequences. It's a risk you can't take. You must have complete confidence in her ability to look after the dc, and sadly, you don't.

It might help you to have a chat with the agency too. They might be able to give you some useful guidance on what to say/how to handle it. Good luck.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 21:36

thank you!

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 03/06/2007 21:36

good luck PPH.

you know you're doing the right thing for you and the kids, good luck finding a new one

berolina · 03/06/2007 21:31

ouch, don't envy you that bit (well, nor any of it really). Good luck anyway

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 03/06/2007 21:30

thank you!
yes. will do. must be resolute.

of course I then have to drive her home as she can't keep the nanny car (double AURGH as she lives 20mins away)

OP posts: