Help, my new nanny is a bit shouty, and I'm worried, and would like advice on how to handle it

Not news, no Kewcumber! I've long envied PPH...

Do you do the shopping? If so, ask her to provide you with a shopping list on Friday for next weeks meal plan forthe kids so that you can go to the store over the weekend and make sure she has everything she needs on Monday morning.

This will force into thinking about what SHE is going to cook.

Do you have a nanny diary? It's a useful little tool to write each other noted in. I can suggest a nice if yo like. I think it's www.mydaydiaries.co.uk (not sure though, I can look it up if you are interested)

Is no-one else impressed by the various staircases and a pony and a housekeeper?! is it not news to any of you?

I love reading these sort of threads and drooling with enviousness - no practical help whatsoever though, sorry

Do you have a very full job description? We have a written one which makes it entirely clear who is doing what.

I am also clear with the nanny about who is in charge when both of us are around (her, usually).

The messiness thing would piss me off more than the shouting, though, TBH. A bit of cheerful jolly-ing along shoutiness I can deal with. Coming home to a messy house is something else. FWIW I think that is something that is pretty much innate (the ninja nanny is immaculately tidy, the Serjeant Major nanny was less so, and one of her mates who did some fill-in work for us was a lovely, lovely girl but so messy it would just make you weep. And she really just did not notice it).

sorry I am far too mesmerised by the multitudes of staircases, housekeepers dogs and ponies from not one but TWO of you, to be any practical help at all. One of you aren't Jilly Cooper are you - just how I imagine her life to be... but perhaps she's a bit old.

lol at silent as a ninja! The housekeeper concern would bother me, as would the stairs thing, blimey, that's SO not a battle worth having imo.

I think I'd do the dinner/trial thing AND have a look at lovely nanny Tootyfrooty knows about.

She loves horses too....

My lab still goes totally nuts whenever she comes round to visit. I think that is A Good Thing.

You have a housekeeper, yet you want the nanny to do housekeeping duties... am I the only one confused by this?

Could the nanny and hk be treading on each other's toes a bit... sounds like a possibility to me, so making it clear to both as to what is expected may be a route forward - if nanny is to do children's washing, then tell her that, and tell hk not to do it.

Our nanny starts next Monday and I am planning on saying to her that we have a "permissive household", ie. to let ds do what he wants unless there is a good reason not to which is another way of saying choose your battles carefully. Perhaps she has the wrong idea about what people want from a nanny. Definitely worth at least speaking to her about it and, if necessary, extending the trial period to a month? But if she carried on anyway, I'd ditch her...

She's great PPH. Kind, children love her, she can cook, she's very tidy. Can be strict when necessary. She is a stickler for manners. She used to work for us part time when my dses were teeny and she looked after older boys (5 and 3) the rest of the time. I saw her with her other charges on numerous occasions and she was great with them.

Do you have a dog? She adores dogs....

just wondering - is that the reason your hk is fed up with her rather than the shoutiness?

Oi Peahead, can't believe this is you. I never thought I'd be offer you nanny advice.

I think some of the comments here are a bit harsh. Nannies are employees and they can expect some level of training. I think Nick is right that this is probably a trait that was learned in the nursery. Picture if nanny is used to rounding up fifteen three year olds to come to lunch and one decides they are going via some other route. That would be a safety issue. So, she is probably applying what she learned there to your group of 4. Whereas your kids don't go to nursery so this approach probably has them a bit shocked at the new style of nannying.

I'm not saying you should put up with the Sergeant Major approach if you don't like it -- and obvioulsy you don't. I am saying that she probably deserves a gentle hand of guidance and second (and probably third) chance. After all, does she know you are not happy? As a nanny employer, I would be far more interested in her willingness to adapt to my requests than I would in her instinctive know-how upon arrival.

So, I would:

1- Intall weekly review pronto. Make it fun. Take her to dinner. Ask her how she feels about the job. Ask her how the kids are taking to her when you are not around. Tell her your observations and of course also give her praise where it is due.

2- TRIAL PERIOD IS ESSENTIAL. Put a probationary perion into your contract - suggest 3 months or so. That way you don't have to rush into a decision in the next few days. But, you are still covered to let her go on short notice if she is still not performing up to your standards in a month or two. MAke the notice in probationary period say one week. You don't not want to have to make her redundant (as you won't be able to hire another one) or fire her (that is never fun).

Assuming you know what nursery she worked at, can you find out what the work environment is like there, hence making a good guess at whether she was trained to act like this or if this is just the way she is.

Funnily enough PPH it was my housekeeper who warned me about a nanny we had (not the one I'm recommending to you obviously...). She has 4 children of her own and I trust her judgment 100% when it comes to my children (who adore her and throw their arms around her every morning). She told me that when I wasn't around the nanny was really aggressive towards the children (in a hissy threatening way). Obviously this behaviour was inappropriate but it was even worse because my dses were at this stage 1.6 and 6 months old.

We got rid of her. Best thing we ever did. I'm not saying your nanny will turn into Miss Hissy but it sounds like you value your housekeeper's views so listen to her and also go with your instinct.

Get rid of her, and fast!

I had a nanny on a trial period who was like this and it totally crushed the children. I put up with it for 2 weeks and then told her it wasn;t working out.

I think if you talk to her about it, she will calm it down while you are around, but still be 'loud' when you are not.

I think shoutiness is an inate quality and therefore not easily changed.

She will find a nice shouty family to work for where it will seem normal and okay to be that way.

You will find someone with a calmer, persuasive style.

Horses for courses and all that

I think the things I would pick up most on was why your housekeeper was concerned and the type of shoutiness.

Firstly, was your previous nanny unnaturally quiet? Our current one is as silent and effective as a ninja: if she were to raise her voice I think I would be scared. Our previous nanny however was quite loud. Not really shouty, just did everything at volume. Children adored her, more or less did what they were told, everyone happy - the shoutiness was just a bit of who she was and how she did things but it didn't really bother anyone.

The flip side of her noisiness was that it was tied in with a lively/ do anything/happy to get messy approach. Interestingly the next door neighbour (who was about a zillion years old and very refined) told us after she left that she thought the nanny shouted at the children in the garden quite a lot and we had a think about it but decided actually the nanny shouted to the children quite a lot.

So in those circumstances I can live with shoutiness (and I can get a bit Segeant Majorish myself when things need to be done and there is dithering going on). And I do think it takes a bit of time for things to "bed down" and get used to each other's ways (although I also think people's essential personalities and MO's don't really change).

But why does your housekeeper have concerns? Just because of the noise (aka my genteel neighbour) or because of the content? If it was the content, then I would start to have concerns (although the stair thing in itself would not faze me - I do think there is often a small/benign power struggle that goes on in the early stages between older children and new nannies (think early days of Sound of Music!) which is fairly inevitable.

FWIW I think it is really hard moving on from a very good nanny to a new one and everything seems a bit different.

She doesn't sound madly right...

(and I am very shouty, myself, but realise this is Not Good Thing ).