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Original poster

Help, my new nanny is a bit shouty, and I'm worried, and would like advice on how to handle it

313 replies

PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 11:46

My lovely calm, quiet, loving nanny of 5 years left last week, and a new nanny started. She is NNEB, worked in a nursery (baby room) most recently, nannied for 2 children before that. She's now been with us for just over a week.

I'm a little worried about how she interacts with the children. She has been playing quite well with DD1 (9), and has been givena very hard time by DD2 (16 months) who screams at strangers generally and hasn't settled with her yet (screamed constantly yesteerday morning when I went to the supermarket apparently). DS1 (6) has been OK with her, DS2 (3) had his tonsils and adenoids out last Tues and was feeling rotten until this weekend.

She is a bit of a sargeant major - issues orders and won't brook any discussion at all, even when it would be (I think) completely reasonable to listen to what they are saying. eg she was asking them to go upstairs for a bath - we have two staircases to go up, and DS2 wanted to go up the other one to the one she was asking him to go up - and she was raising her voice and saying "DS2, I have asked you to go up to your bath and you need to go up these stairs NOW". I don't see why he couldn't have gone up the other ones if he wanted to. There are lots of other examples - I don't think I heard my last nanny raise her voice more than about 2ce (usually in situations where I would have strangled them hours previously!), whereas raising her voice appears to be this nannies MO.
My 9 year old has asked me why she shouts so much
My housekeeper has told me she is concerned.

What do I do?

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PinkTulips · 31/05/2007 17:34

she sounds horrible, i'm shouty as a mom but as a last resort. from what your kids are saying it sounds like her first line of attack is to give out which would be unacceptable to me (not that i could ever in my wildest dreams afford a nany )

the messiness is excusable as like someone else said she's just getting used to the place and the vast amount of work that is 4 kids but the shoutyness and the grabing dd2 away from the others isn't nice

filthymindedvixen · 31/05/2007 17:31

I'll come and be your nanny PPH! (I never shout, I'll have them outside most of the time, feeding your chickens and building dens and I'm Practically Perfect In Every Way. Except for the fact that I have 2 children of my own which might be a teensy disadvantage as your nanny...)

seriously, this isn't going to get better is it? As F&Z says, if she can't 'do' sweet and people-pleasing in her first week, it doesn't sound good.

Mumpbump · 31/05/2007 17:27

Pretty big no-no, then from the children!!

TootyFrooty · 31/05/2007 17:26

Good point F&Z. You'd think she be extra specially nice for the first month or so.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 17:26

that's what I think Franny

Oh Shit

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Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 17:25

mmmm. I say please always, even "please do not hit your baby sister on the head with a poker you will KILL her"

they asked if they could have the other nanny I interviewed (who they met for a nano second and who I rejected because I thought she had a bit of an "edge" and this one was sweeter) instead

and DS1 asked if I had paid her yet and if not could I pay her and then fire her

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jura · 31/05/2007 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrannyandZooey · 31/05/2007 17:24

Ditch her, you can't change something basic like this no matter what rules you lay down

if she can't be calm, lovely and funny in the first week of a new job with her employer within earshot then there is no ruddy hope

I speak as ex-nanny if that makes any difference - this is really no good AT ALL

Mumpbump · 31/05/2007 17:22

Well, I think you have to lead by example and if she is just ordering them around without saying "please" and "thank you", that is not good. Doesn't sound like great feedback to me though.

TootyFrooty · 31/05/2007 17:20

Oooh, time for a chat I think. Mind you at least they didn't actually say they don't like her.

Good luck pph. Let us know how it goes.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 17:19

Oh I also asked if they thought that DS2 liked her, and they said "well sort of... but when she wanted him to go up for his bath and he was playing downstairs she just picked him up and carried him up screaming and dumped him on the floor"

I'm really unsure and unhappy about all of this, although I have to take the descriptions with a slight pinch of salt

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Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 17:17

thanks everyone

well I've just had a chat to the two eldest in the car on the way home from school. I said "now that Nanny has been with us for a week, how do you think she is getting on?" DS1 said "well she is very bossy". dd1 said "well nannies have to be a bit bossy, but they should say things like "please could you put that thing over there and not 'PUT that OVER there' in a cross voice". Then DS1 said "she also takes DD2 away from us, like when I was playing with her and she was happy and Nanny told us to go away and grabbed her from us because she said otherwise DD2 would never get used to her". THen DD1 said "DS1 and I talked about this already in our secret hiding place and we said we should tell you that she takes DD2 away from us" and DS1 said "and she is bossy bossy".

So. ?

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fizzbuzz · 31/05/2007 14:32

Don't normally post on these threads, but glimpsed the shouting bit.

I am a teacher, I know from experience shouting gets you nowhere. The teachers with the best control rarely raise their voice. All shouting does is wind up the kids more......

I of course never shout in classroom or at home ....But it is true that shouting makes everything worse

chipmonkey · 31/05/2007 13:49

LOL Jools, dh comes home from LIDL with the weirdest cereals and it makes my life hell in the mornings, particularly as ds3 always wants to try whatever ds1 and ds2 are having, hates it and I end up giving him readybrek anyway!

nannyj · 31/05/2007 13:47

She may be struggling with the amount of work there is as well. When i started my current job 3 years ago i found looking after 3 kids and keeping up with washing quite difficult, although i did have a young baby. Now i can do it in my sleep. Things take longer when you are new, for example when you're putting away washing you have to learn which childs it is and where it goes.Something your old nanny would have done in a fraction of the time.

Regarding the shouting i agree that you should have a review and explain that you don't mind if the children have their way of doing things. The nanny may well have thought your ds was being naughty and not listening to her. Absolutely no excuse for shouting though but she hasn't had a huge amount of experience as a nanny and looking after 4 children is a huge difference than 2. Good luck

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:45

salisbury is really too far, sadly, it is a good 45-1hr mins across the downs. poo. but thank you very much anyway tooty

yup eleusis, I'm going to DO BETTER

Have just done contract, put in probation of a month (don't want to scare her with a much longer term, esp since I've never mentioned a prob period to her). Anyway a month should be enough I think...

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TootyFrooty · 31/05/2007 13:27

I can certainly email her and ask her if she's found something yet and whether she'd be interested in a position in your neck of the woods. Does that sound ok? She might want to be closer to home but I'm more than happy to ask. (She is Salisbury btw).

Twiglett · 31/05/2007 13:25

she sounds very much like she'd suit our house

Eleusis · 31/05/2007 13:25

You have probably hit the nail on the the head there yourself. You have had lovely nanny for many years and gotten used to not really having to manage her. And now you have a new less experienced nanny and she requires a bit more attention.

And of course, you know as well as I do, that this is the place to get any nanny employer advice you may need.

Oh, and I not only agree that you need a written job description, but I think you should put it in the contract. I have a "job duties" section in my contract that outlines where nanny's job ends and mine begins.

JoolsToo · 31/05/2007 13:23

It's hard to gauge the decibel level you're talking about, but personally I like 'strict' as long as it's coupled with fairness and fun too.

Watching the dgs's I think they get too much choice, when I were a lass or should I say young mum - you got cornflakes for breakfast and that was it, done and dusted in 10 mins - the dgs's take 10 minutes to decide which cereal they're gonna have!!!

but I digress, I'm sure you'll do the right thing PPH, you're very sensible!

Tutter · 31/05/2007 13:22

can someone with experience of nany shares have a peek at my thread here

Kewcumber · 31/05/2007 13:21

My sister (who has more than one house so is in your league PPH ) is very shouty (though not in an angry way). I wouldn't employ her as a nanny, she'd do my head in (and DS's)

Eleusis · 31/05/2007 13:20

Excuse my appalling typing skills, please.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:19

eleusis this is all the sort of stuff I used to do with nannies but didn't need to with the last one because we worked together for so long

you are 100% right

I need to be much more proactive and train her up as well as keeping an ear on theshoutiness

whatelse have I forgotten?!

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Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:18

it isn't news to anyone, sorry kew

it isn't jolly shoutiness, it is cross shoutiness though... I hear what you are saying about the tidyness though!

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