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Original poster

How do those of you without family support cope financially?

56 replies

Musodad14 · 21/02/2018 09:20

Hi everyone,

I have never posted on this site before so I am sorry if this in the wrong place.

We were lucky to have a healthy baby girl nearly a year ago and as maternity has come to and end my wife has gone back to work. She works part time two days a week at the moment. When we moved to the area we assumed that being closer to family would mean free childcare as both sets of parents are retired and this was discussed, maybe not promised in the lead up the pregnancy. Due to health issues and distance, this has not materialised and we are now paying for two days worth of childcare that we can't really afford.

There is an opportunity for my partner to work an extra day however we would need more childcare for this and I am not sure it would be worth it. The other issue is that my wife cannot give up work because unfortunately I do not bring in enough to pay every bill and still have money for food etc.

We feel as though we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could potentially earn substantially more abroad somewhere like Dubai however we aren't in a position to move because of the health of our family members. Also the guilt taking away a first grandchild to another country after a year would be hard to bear. Other family members also have young babies so it be tough to remove our child form that social circle.

Other than just sucking it up, taking the financial hit and head into debt, I would be interested to hear what others have done.

A colleague of mine worked full time while bringing up her children and was paying around £1000 a month child care at one point. I don't want to suggest this to my partner as she wants to have time with the baby at this early stage which I completely understand but I can't think of another option.

As a Dad I feel powerless to help and guilty that I cannot bring more to the table in the short term but I am contemplating a weekend job to balance the books.

Any advice would be much appreciated!

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Passthecake30 · 21/02/2018 09:59

Have you compared prices of childcare options? We used a childminder as they are cheaper than nurseries. Then at 3, 15hrs of childcare came in that helped.

How much more is your wife's takehome pay than childcare for the day?

Can you trim down any other expenses? We had to cut out a lot of extras out when we had 2 in full time childcare (no cable tv, less meat, eBay everything etc)

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/02/2018 09:57

I would move, you loyalty is to you wife and baby. Very selfish for any relatives to guilt trip moves abroad.

Original poster
Musodad14 · 21/02/2018 09:55

I had a look for the frugality thread, is it under a different title?

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Original poster
Musodad14 · 21/02/2018 09:53

Unfortunately we are both teachers so we can't work extra shifts. Also I am the higher earner but both good suggestions!

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Xennialish · 21/02/2018 09:30

We worked opposite shifts after one parent staying home for a few years. Poor as church mice then but one parent at home saved on food and transport, you can implement all the frugality thread style tips. But this is the perfect time to be abroad with your daughter if that would help and move back at age 5 or 7 for school.

pigshavecurlytails · 21/02/2018 09:24

There is no easy answer. If she is the higher earner then maybe you should go part time and do the childcare? childcare and earnings don't match up. are you claiming all you can in tax credits and childcare vouchers.

working opposite shifts can help (one does days/night/weekends) but you'd rarely see each other.