How do those of you without family support cope financially?

You can’t work extra shifts as teachers but you can boost income by tutoring, marking or a couple of shifts doing bar work or similar in the evening. You can work on playschemes or intensive revision courses during school holidays. You can become a centre manager for PGL or similar during school holidays.
It’s not easy but it is possible.
You can also get promotion through gaining additional qualifications and asking for greater responsibility at school.
You might have to move for promotion but teachers are in demand nationwide, so not a real issue. You might need to move several times for the right jobs but if money is important (and it is), you do it.
Teachers have huge earning potential if they’re prepared to make sacrifices and put in the hours earlier in their careers. Dan Moynihan has a package in excess of £500K.

Sorry, that £1000 for 2 was for 3 days a week!

£1000 for 2 is cheap . My youngest DD is now 8 but I was paying £819 for 3 days per week in nursery 4 years ago!!

I won't even start to tell you how much it cost with twins!!

^
A colleague of mine worked full time while bringing up her children and was paying around £1000 a month child care at one point. I don't want to suggest this to my partner as she wants to have time with the baby at this early stage which I completely understand but I can't think of another option.^

This is what we did. Two children in nursery for 2 years was just shy of £1000/ month, even accounting for childcare vouchers and early years funding once the eldest was 3.

It sucks, but as you have found, with no local family and “office hours” jobs there’s not much choice. We lived very modestly until the first child started school. Even now they are both at school, wrap around care and school dinners (only free in KS1) cost £500/month.

I used to be a Teacher, and my DH is too. I’m now a sahm.

I really wanted to become a sahm, and my DH was also very keen for me to do so. We really didn’t think it’d be possible though, so looked into the costings and logistics of putting our DD into a nursery to enable me to go back to work. It was horrifying to see the costs involved, and trying to work out the logistics of it was a nightmare! Despite being at the top of my payscale at the time, after paying for a full time nursery place and my travel to work, I’d have been left with just over £100 per month!!! That’s just half of our council tax bill - ridiculous.

I looked into the costings for part time nursery places versus a part time salary, and again for me it just was not worth it. Logistically it would’ve been horrendous too. DH would have had to have taken DD to nursery in Central London (costing a lot more) via the tube at the busiest time. I worked outside of London on a long multiple train commute, and none of the nurseries near to my school were open early enough for me to drop her off and then get to school and have enough preparation time. DH has a position of responsibility and usually reaches home between 6.30-7.00pm every night. I would’ve therefore had to have travelled to Central London every night to collect our DD, after my horrible commute, to avoid paying further nursery fees!

Money is incredibly tight each month, and daily living has unfortunately seen us get into debt. We were very fortunate at the beginning, as a family member used to give us some money every month to help us (we never asked or expected, they just did), but due to their now ill health, they are no longer able to.

My DH now also works for a few hours at the weekend, and sometimes in the weekday evenings as a tutor. I have sold lots of items on EBay to help in whatever minuscule way that I can. If I could find something legal/non-sexual/not a con, that I could do from home that met my skill set, then I would apply and hope for the best. Perhaps your Wife may have more luck finding something that matches her skill set? I know that home working is more commonplace now, so perhaps she could have a look?

I’m creative, and have been making items to sell (hopefully) on Etsy. I may also try and do some tuition, but I’m due to give birth soon, so I wouldn’t be able to for a while yet. The problem is, that my DH gets home so late that I can only offer 8-10pm, or Sundays (our only time we usually get some semblance of family time). My experience is in creative subjects too, so I’m not confident that I’d get any, or much work anyway.

Very best of luck to you and your Wife.

I could not imagine how you would cope with both of you working full time as teachers unless you have a child that sleeps well and those mythical supportive schools I keep hearing about.

Everyone I know who has moved abroad in teaching say it is much better than the UK.

Our nursey offers term time only which reduced the childcare costs significantly.

I do think you are unreasonable to be expecting free childcare from parents especially as they did not outright offer.

Pigs just my impression, but like I say, I think it's odd and doesn't reflect reality that actually most people don't have family close by. Hopefully MN is about getting other mums' views of what options are out there, but I do think on topics such as this, sometimes the response is not reflective of the real world, just those on MN

Or babysitting in the evenings ? Remember these things aren't forever .

Teachers here (ireland) earn extra income doing exam corrections and exam supervision. Would they be options?

Otherwise I agree with pp, for me minding baby means roof and food first. You can only stay home if you can find a way to do it within your income.

We have good jobs and we were still totally broke on it tbh. My mum was vg and threw money at us from time to time.

The babies are lovely but Very Expensive

I think the tutoring thing is a brilliant idea, she'd probably earn better that way.
If you have a spare room and don't mind sharing your home, you could look into having an au-pair.

Can she not work evenings in a supermarket etc? I know it's not ideal and she is a trained teacher etc but it's what a lot of people do to bump up the income .

Or maybe do private tutoring at the weekend / evenings ?

I'm afraid sometimes a minimum wage job at the evening or weekend is the only way until the children start school.

I also take issue with your wife's attitude. She should not be contemplating sending you all into debt or you to work seven days a week so she can spend time with the baby. You are both equally responsible for your family and that includes finances.

Wanting to stay home is all well and good if you can afford it. If you can't then you need to get your arse back to work. It's that simple. Millions of parents do it every single day.

Sit her down and talk to her. She can't be so ignorant as to know your family cannot afford her choices as such they are simply not an option for her.

You both decided to have a child and you both are equally financially responsible for that child. It's not all on the father and the mother gets to do as she pleases. That's not how it works.

Locally we have wildly different costs for nurseries. One that are £60/70 per day and those that are £30 per day. Are there other nurseries that are cheaper

I also think Mumsnet is a bit odd in that the consensus seems to be you have family support or give up work

I don't get that vibe from MN at all. I see women encouraged to keep working all the time. What is often said, which is true, is that in the younger years one earner may be taking home very little, or even nothing, and working just for pension contributions and to keep their career going.

It's just hard, it's the same for quite a lot of parents. I also made the mistake of assuming that family would help and it was really hard when my DC were little.

I don't think I would move to Dubai, thought, too many horror stories. I would consider moving abroad, but to a safe country. Spending time abroad broadens the mind!

They are only young once, no way would I work during the young years and miss out just for a little extra income. We've had to cut back a lot but it's worth it.

I wouldn't go through the upheaval of a move to Dubai to be honest; I don't think you wind up that much better off in the long run.

i've lived in dubai for over a decade and our finances and quality of life are better in every area. it is expensive, but you can re-coup your costs after a year or so. and have a wonderful life too. OP, feel free to PM me if you’d like any specific advice or feedback.

Would it be possible for your wife to offer private tuition on evenings and weekends when you could look after your DD?

We have no family help but are earning enough to cover nursery for the hours that we need it. The simple fact is your household cannot afford for your wife to spend more time at home. Her giving up work altogether would be extremely foolish in the long run; it does get easier once the free childcare kicks in at 3 years old, and you might be able to find term time only childcare given as you are both teachers. Make sure you are maximising childcare vouchers/tax free childcare perks. I wouldn't go through the upheaval of a move to Dubai to be honest; I don't think you wind up that much better off in the long run. If your wife's extra day is unlikely to be an opportunity that arises again, I would take it right now - 3 days a week is perfect, to be honest!

In short: suck it up until your kids are at school. Tighten belts, no holidays and all that stuff, unfortunately.

P.s. I also think Mumsnet is a bit odd in that the consensus seems to be you have family support or give up work.

Actually, I would say 90% of people I know didn't have family support and continued to work. Yes, it's hard, yes you can't see how ends will meet, but it really is just for a few years. In some ways you're lucky (although I know you don't feel it at this point) as when your child starts school, you'll be able to cover the school holidays. There's 12 or 13 weeks if school holidays that working parents have to cover - the costs of that will make your eyes water

Have you done the online check to see which type of childcare assistance is best for you? The old style vouchers or the new tax free childcare? Also second using a childminder, it was £12 per day cheaper than our local nursery and I loved the relationship my baby had with her! Lastly, as you are also teachers, is your childcare term time only? Mine was (child now at school), due to various half terms etc the only months I paid the full amount were November and March.
It is difficult but it doesn't last long!

What’s wrong with her wanting to spend time with the baby? I would put that above trying to earn more if reasonable sacrifices can be made. It’s a struggle for a few years when they are small but it does get easier. We don’t have family support with childcare, all my income goes towards paying for our nanny (we have three children so although expensive it is easier and more flexible for now). In your position I would use a childminder as it is usually more flexible than nursery and more of a home environment.

I'd also consider moving for a few years but understand your predicament.

You need to look at bringing in more income or reducing your costs. Can you / your wife look at tutoring after school hours (very lucrative where we are with entrance exams etc, but also for GCSE support etc). Exam Marking? Maybe starting a baby singing group / cooking group/ craft - just something that builds on her specialisms working with children etc.

Make sure you're both claiming the childcare vouchers so you save some tax and NI on your childcare costs.

Honestly? I think most families without help struggle. I gave up work, others work for very little once childcare is paid. I think most view it as a short term expense that you just have to bear tbh. I would echo advice of pp, childminders are often a bit cheaper than nurseries. Are you taking full advantage of the voucher scheme?

I have a huge issue with the fact you don’t want to suggest that your wife work more because she “wants to have time with the baby”. If you need more household income then she needs to up her hours or you both have to cut costs drastically. Personally, I would always maximise income before cutting costs drastically.