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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

P*ssed off with au pair - am I overreacting?

158 replies

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 10:19

Our au pair didn't come home last night and sent us a text at 23:30 saying she had missed the last train home from London - 45 minutes before the last train left! She was watching the football which finished at 22:30 so there is no real reason for her not to have made it home.

I'm irritated because I feel that we have been very accommodating and helpful to her generally and she has lied to us which is completely "disrespectful". It is not the second or third time she has lied to us, all about silly things. She is meant to be leaving at the end of the month so there is an issue about whether this is a sign of things to come, but do you think it would be unfair to ask her to go sooner in the circumstances? Or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

She looks after our ds for the whole day on Mondays, but we have someone else lined up to take over anyway. I feel leaving ds in the care of someone who is not honest is questionable, but again wonder if I'm being overprotective...

Any comments welcome! Thanks...

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soak · 02/05/2007 15:55

TBH I think its common courteousy to let whoever you are living with know where you are (though not nesessarly what you are doing )

I am 26 but when I moved back home last year while buying my house, if I was going to be stopping at my boyf's I called and let mom know so she wouldn't think that I had been mugged and left for dead on the bus home!

regardless of how old this woman is, mumpbump has a responsibility to her au pair's family to ensure her safety - what if the woman had got the train home but something happened on the way back and mumpbump just assumed that she was stopping at her boyf's? try explaining that in a foreign language to a grieving parent.

fair enough, au pair shouldn't have lied - she probably even knew she would be stopping at boyf's house but didn't want to lose a mornings work and have to make up time at the weekend (which is probably why she lied)

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/05/2007 15:54

I can see she is annoyed but that's because she imposed a bit of an unreasonable rule which was bound to be broken. That's what I said too, let it go, part on amicable terms.

Eleusis · 02/05/2007 15:52

I think some of you are being a bit hard on mumpbump. She is entitled to be annoyed about being lied to. If my nanny lied to me, I would be pretty unhappy about it to. I just think that since the au pair is leaving anyway, I'd let things run their course rather than upsetting the house even more.

Eleusis · 02/05/2007 15:50

There are no boys allowed in my house when I am not home, unless I have granted permission ahead of time. If she is still on duty, then boys are not allowed upstairs. Call me a prude. But those are the rules in my house.

ST, I would not say okay to boyfriends staying over if I didn't personally know the boyfriend quite well. Even if I wasn't home.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/05/2007 15:50

Well, she was obviously trustworthy enough for 7 months. Now MB has someone else lined up I think it makes her feel better to think that she's doing it because the au-pair is at fault, rather than because her communication style may not be all that great either.

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:49

I have on occasion gone out running before my Employers have risen...I could have been out all night!

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:47

Why wouldn't you trust her with your ds... because she lied about the train?!?

I assume you like her & she's a good Au-Pair (even if she is too old)???

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/05/2007 15:47

If you didn't know whether she was in our out of your house till this morning, then what's the big deal? What if she hadn't texted you at all, turned up in the morning, told you she slept in her bed all night. Would you have gone through her bedclothes to see if they'd been used?

ConnieDescending · 02/05/2007 15:46

Oh FGS, she's not telling you in advance because you then say she cant work that day and she has to work the weekend to make up for the time!

If you cant see this, you must be barking.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/05/2007 15:45

The lie wasn't acceptable. Neither are your over-controlling working conditions. I think you're rather quits on this one.

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:44

There are lies & LIES!

She wouldn't feel she had to lie if she didn't feel staying out was causing hassle...Can't you understand that?

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:42

Well, this has been quite an interesting thread for me because I get the impression that most people think that this lie was acceptable. Am I correct in thinking that you also think I should continue to trust her with ds?

I guess I avoid lying as a general rule because I feel that if the other person found out, they would never fully trust me again and so expect other people to be equally honest and straight-forward with me, but perhaps that is not the norm.

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ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:40

It could have been worse, she could have just not bothered texting at all!

gess · 02/05/2007 15:38

If you didn;t find trhe text until the nexrt morning and she was home at 7am then presumaby it wasn't much of an issue.

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:36

I wouldn't call my Employers at 11:30pm, they go to bed at 10:30pm!

gess · 02/05/2007 15:36

has she ever been late in the morning? I thought it was at the weekend make up sessions?

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:35

I would probably text/call (depending on the time) to say I wouldn't be home but would be there in the morning...Staying out all night shouldn't cause a hassle the next morning & if it does then you'll have something to pull her up about.

gess · 02/05/2007 15:34

well I do all my commicating with my employees by text or email, so I don;t really see the problem. If they're late the first thing I do is check my texts.

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:34

We relieve her of her duties because she has been unreliable in the past...

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Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:33

BTW, she didn't call - she text messaged us and we only picked it up this morning.

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gess · 02/05/2007 15:33

MB- but you'v e already said that wouldn't be acceptable- that she wouldn't be taking the child to nursery. Therein lies the problem. She stays out, you relieve her of her duties.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/05/2007 15:32

I think I'd send a text rather than phone, especially if I was drunk or giggly or whatever. I understand that saying she'd be on time next morning isn't an option as you don't allow it, you said she'd have to make up for it at the weekend.

ScottishThistle · 02/05/2007 15:32

BK she did call but she told a white lie, that is the issue!

FWIW I don't have men stay over at my work place unless my Bosses are away for the weekend...They respect me, I respect them!

gess · 02/05/2007 15:32

she did let her employer know BK.

Original poster

Mumpbump · 02/05/2007 15:30

Scottishthistle, would you text message your employer with such an excuse or would you simply ring and tell them that you were staying out and would be back tomorrow in time to take the child to nursery?

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