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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Childminder for my kids whilst I study

32 replies

MorningRush · 25/01/2018 08:16

I started my degree in September and my nearly 2yo has been with a childminder. She is fab and I was really lucky to find her last minute after going through all the local childminders in the area who had no spaces. I was pregnant at the time and gave birth in December and as had been previously agreed, new baby went to the CM and I returned to studying for the new term. They are minded for 19 hours over 3 days.
Unfortunately baby has been unsettled and CM has said she will give it another week and if things don't improve she won't be able to mind him anymore as it isn't fair to the other kids. She is trying to push me to leave uni and go back in September.

Obviously I get where she is coming from, dealing with a baby is demanding, but I feel annoyed that it's like I can just drop my plans and it's no big deal. If I had returned to work after having a baby she wouldn't be saying I think you should give up work. If she hadn't implied whilst I was pregnant that minding the new baby was going to be absolutely fine then of course I would have looked at alternative options months ago so that my toddler would have a chance to settle in. Now I'm faced with potentially one more week of childcare before she says that's enough.
I don't know what my best option is now?
I feel like if I leave uni now I will never go back. Also, just because baby will be a few months older, doesn't mean he will be any easier to deal with. The thought of having a week to find a new CM, kids having no time to settle in and potentially have them also say sorry we can't deal with your crying baby anymore fills me with dread. The alternative is to put them both in nursery which is significantly more expensive and what I really wanted to avoid as they'll get less individual attention, which is why I wanted a CM in the first place. I don't have any family I could ask to help out.
All my options seem rubbish and I'm feeling tired, sad and hormonal. Any opinions or advice greatly appreciated.

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Original poster
MorningRush · 25/01/2018 14:17

It is perfectly possible to have a baby during university. Lots of people have done it. I don't think that makes me less of a mum, what is this, the 1950s?? Is my OH less of a dad because he's at work for 12 hours a day? There's no need to be condescending. There are quite a few nurseries in my area that take children from 6 weeks old. I didn't realise it was such a rare thing?! If I leave now I would have to get a job anyway as there wouldn't be any income from student loan and it's not like I'm getting any maternity pay so the kids would be in childcare regardless so I don't really need to be made to feel guilty about that as it's irrelevant. My issue is having to do it so suddenly when I could have dealt with it weeks ago.
Yes, I knew I was pregnant before I started and so did she. It was the CM who suggested the baby come to her in the first place, so I did not put her in a difficult position no. She is leaving me in a difficult position.
Thanks babypeach, I'll get in touch and see what they recommend. Perhaps they will give me a few weeks grace to settle the kids somewhere new.

Thanks anyway x

OP posts:
glow1984 · 25/01/2018 13:22

I think your CM is right, and the child is too young to be in a care setting. Most nurseries and CMs won't take younger than 6 months, for a reason.

babypeach · 25/01/2018 13:17

Hi op,

As a student who took a break due to a failure in childcare make sure you speak to your uni.

I don't know your course and other details obviously but they are usually very helpful in terms of stepping off for a period of time as long as you talk to them and get plans in place fr your return.

I was able to step off and just join the cohort after me.

Good luck x

jannier · 25/01/2018 13:05

sorry with 3 kids you should know that it takes time to bond with your child. You should know how a newborn is and that its a very unsettled time. You should be a mum and not talk like a firs timer in shock who assumed they could pop baby out and get back to the normal pre baby life like dropping your hand bag. Your cm was probably put in a very difficult position. You must have known you were pregnant before starting your course most mums don't want to leave there 6 month olds and feel its too young. a baby of what 5 weeks wow. Go to student support and see what options you have or look at the OU

Original poster
MorningRush · 25/01/2018 10:34

The baby has been to the CM for 3 days as I started back this week.

I guess I am just annoyed that I was led to believe it would be fine. We both have three kids of our own so are no strangers to the demands of a newborn. If she'd just been honest that it was unrealistic from the start then I could have dealt with it beforehand and also minimised the financial implications from student finance.

OP posts:
TheBrilloPad · 25/01/2018 09:42

If you gave birth in December and your baby has already been at the childminder a few weeks (in January), sadly I think your childminder is right. And I say that in the nicest way, as a working mum who uses a childminder. If your baby is unsettled it's because he/she is just a few weeks old and needs to bond with his/her primary caregiver. The childminder can't neglect the other children in her care just to deal with a very unsettled baby. She tried it for you, she gave it a shot, and it's not working. You need to think of alternative options I think, but don't blame your CM.

jannier · 25/01/2018 09:27

A newborn is very hard work and few mums would be returning under at least 6 weeks more 12 weeks, She wont be in any proper routine and will be unsettled. Sorry but the cm has a duty of care to meet the needs of all in her care and will be downgraded if she cant do this even cm's who have their own newborns would be struggling to carry on so soon and be under pressure to take time off.
She has given you a few weeks already so must have taken baby on at a few weeks old surley you knew you would need time to bond with your baby and it would disrupt your studies baby has to come first for you. Your a mummy first and a student second for at least the nest 18 years. She was amazing in trying to support you and you should appreciate it.