Childminder for my kids whilst I study

I sent my baby to a cm at six weeks - in those days six weeks was the maternity leave we got. Some people's situations are different to others - and this didn't make me a bad Mum.

I am a cm now and tbh the younger the better for settling. Yes tinies are hard work but they usually become very attached early on which makes it all easier for everyone. I have had babies from four months and I love them and they love me too

I am sorry you are having all this to contend with

Did your baby visit the cm frequently in the 2 or 3 weeks before starting properly with you allowing her to do everything and being relaxed around he and baby so they could build a bond?

It's a very difficult situation. Some children do take longer to settle particularly ones so young. Your not the only person to have ever left such a young child with a childminder, it happens. Yes, in a perfect world you would be staying at home with little one but life is never perfect. Sometimes you have to find what works for your personal situation.

To be fair on the childminder, she is being very honest with you and giving you the heads up. I've never had a child that I have had to admit defeat with when they are settling in but I am very aware that it could still happen for future families. As a childminder you have to consider all the children in your care and unfortunately sometimes that means making difficult decisions. She won't have done this lightly, after all this is her business we are talking about. To lose 3 days business is a huge hit and no childminder I know would make that decision flippantly. If the little one is completely inconsolable and making themselves ill with it then a call has to be made to decide wether it's in the best interest of the child to keep persevering.

You may find that things change in week you've been given. If a few small steps have been made to settling the child then you know your on your way to a happy child and happy mummy and the childminder will feel more confident that working through it is more achievable.

The baby is very little. If the baby is unsettled a lot then I can understand why the child minder feels like she can't give the attention the baby needs and look after the other children.
I think you have 2 options either you look for a nursery who take young babies or you speak to your university.
Nowhere do you mention how unsettled your baby is, you don't seem massively bothered that your baby is upset. You made the choice to start a course knowing that you would have a baby so you must have thought about how you would cope surely. It is perfectly doable to study and have kids but you have to work hard to get the balance right.

SofiaAmes Fri 26-Jan-18 04:17:57

A childminder who can't manage a baby who "is unsettled" and who complains after 3 days doesn't seem like a very good childminder to me. My dd screamed her head off a lot for the first couple of years of her life. This had nothing to do with whether she was with the childminder or in my arms and everything to do with her hidden reflux. My childminder was perfectly able to manage it and never even suggested that she couldn't manage it.
It's completely inappropriate for a childminder to be judging you as a parent or suggesting that you leave Uni.
Personally, I would stick with your studies and find another childminder who is more competent, and put your dc's in nursery in the meantime

The childminder must be able to prove to Ofsted that by taking on any child the other children in her care are not adversely effected and that they can continue to offer the EYFS If a baby of a few weeks old has not yet got a routine at home (few do before 6 to 8 weeks) they are then going to be more unsettled left in the care of someone who has no bond with them it is then going to be very difficult to meet babies needs whilst doing painting crafts supporting climbing balancing walking mark making etc for 2 other 13 month to typically nowadays 36 month olds. in the days when children stayed to 5 it was much easier as over 3's tend to be more independent but still very hard on the other children. It is unlikely to be that the cm doesn't want to put up with screaming, but would anyone want to know that their 6 week old baby was having to scream every half an hour or so whilst others were being seen to or should the cm leave others in soiled clothes, hungry or sat doing nothing?

Often there is no notice during the settling in period.

Has the CM got a sling she could try? The baby would feel secure and she'd have 2 hands free for the other children.

Have you entered into a contract with the childminder? If so, what is the notice period? It is usually about 4 weeks which would give you longer to find alternative care.

Agree with octonaught.

You sound very aggressive and your poor little newborn sounds like, meh, an inconvenience to you over yourself and your university course.

By all means do your studying but how about prioritising your child’s well being before your own?

Have you looked for a nursery instead
It sounds like the cm is struggling and I wouldn't want to leave a baby in the sole care of someone who has admitted she can't cope
At least in a nursey there are lots of other people around to share the stress of a crying baby

Also agree with octonaght. You seem angry with the inconvenience to you! How was the poor cm supposed to know 100% that it would or wouldn't work out with a baby that hadn't been born yet? She gave it a shot and has done the right and responsible thing by warning you that it doesn't seem to be working out? It's totally unrealistic to have a baby while studying and not expect to have to take even a short break. You say you will have to get a job if you take a break which means childcare anyway-did you and your partner not plan during the 9 months of pregnancy how you would cope with a period of mat/pat leave? I'm a bit at your apparent disregard for the needs of your baby, sorry.

Agree octonaught

Babies are demanding and your Childminder is experienced in the care of children so knew that. Maybe they thought they would cope.

I nanny for a baby whose mum goes to Uni, have had baby since she was 4 weeks old. Care at your home just for your children though is costly, it would be more than the cost of a childminder and it is now short notice for you to find suitable care. There would have been no guarantee that your baby would have settled with a baby though, if you had started with a nanny you could still be in the same position as baby may not settle.

Look for alternative care and give it another go.

Your baby is too young to with a CM, it's not ideal but you can return to uni in September your baby needs to come first and it needs you, university isn't going anywhere it can wait a few months.

Your baby is far too young to be sent to a childminder at 6 weeks. How many other mindees does she have? Your gripe about your childminder is misplaced, it's not her fault she can't meet her needs. The baby's needs are to met by a primary care giver, you. You risk an attachment disorder if you're unable to provide care for another 3 months. Your baby is ultimately not your childminder's responsibility but you and her Dad's.

Op, you haven't said one word about your newborn's well being and it's all about the inconvenience to you. Your poor child.

I took a break in my undergrad degree. Graduated with a 6 month old on my hip having written my dissertation while breastfeeding in the wee hours. Dh was on an op tour. Has Made no difference to my life at all.

The childminder's duty of care to her mindees must also extend to the newborn's welfare. She probably feels uncomfortable knowing that with other children to look after that the baby isn't getting what they need either.

Surely you'd rather that the childminder was honest that it's not working rather than putting your children and others at risk by struggling on?

Perhaps you need a nanny rather than a childminder.

Can your partner take paternity leave if you are unable to countenance mat leave? There is a reason it is offered.
I am not unsympathetic. I’ve had to give up three post grad degrees for similar reasons. Small children (especially newborns) are unpredictable. The only women I know who have not taken a break after birth are those who Time a May baby and go back in September/ October.
I don’t know anyone who popped a baby out and was in class full time three weeks later. It’s not the 1950s but neither is it ‘I am going to sacrifice myself on the altar of having it all.’
Life choices.
I’m slightly weirded out by the idea that you are more concerned about losing a childminder than your newborn being unhappy. I don’t believe in sacrificing my own life, but there are limits. Newborns are one of them. Offspring with disabilities are another. Being a mother sucks sometimes.

A childminder who can't manage a baby who "is unsettled" and who complains after 3 days doesn't seem like a very good childminder to me. My dd screamed her head off a lot for the first couple of years of her life. This had nothing to do with whether she was with the childminder or in my arms and everything to do with her hidden reflux. My childminder was perfectly able to manage it and never even suggested that she couldn't manage it.

It's completely inappropriate for a childminder to be judging you as a parent or suggesting that you leave Uni.
Personally, I would stick with your studies and find another childminder who is more competent, and put your dc's in nursery in the meantime.

Wow op you are getting very harsh responses.
Don't give up your course, loads of nurseries take babies from 6 weeks and they all survive. If this was a job and you didn't get maternity you would be back at work and in America it's pretty standard to go back after a few weeks. I was at uni with four kids and my friend has a newborn whist there.
See how it goes for the next week but also have a look at nurseries in your area but don't give up your course!! No one is asking your partner to give up work are they?

Wow op you are getting very harsh responses.
Don't give up your course, loads of nurseries take babies from 6 weeks and they all survive. If this was a job and you didn't get maternity you would be back at work and in America it's pretty standard to go back after a few weeks. I was at uni with four kids and my friend has a newborn whist there.
See how it goes for the next week but also have a look at nurseries in your area but don't give up your course!! No one is asking your partner to give up work are they?

In my area, the minimum age I saw was 3 months. And that was literally one nursery. Everyone else was 6 months.

So yeah, to me, it is a rare thing.

Look again at childminders in your area. Things may have changed, there may be new childminders or spaces may have become available with childminders where there may not have been previously.

Don’t beat yourself up if your children go into nursery, kids are very adaptable. I understand why you would prefer a childminder, especially for the youngest, but a good nursery will be able to meet their individual needs and there are some great nurseries out there.

I’m a childminder and My daughter was 12 weeks old when I returned to work, I only had one other child at the time. She was 3 and I had had her since she was 8 months old and I found it very difficult. Maybe the extra hands at nursery might be of benefit in your case.

I wish you the best of luck, you stick with your studies, the sacrifices you make now will surely benefit you and your kids in the future 💐

Practically speaking, could you shorten the babies time there each day for a bit until routines/bonds form.

Is there a nursery at the university? How does the cost of a nanny compare to 2 children in childcare? I don't take children under 6 months, but I know other CMs in my area do.

Good luck with your childcare and degree