How would you handle this situation?

My MiL used to care for my kids one day a week and was similar in that she would forget to feed the kids or feed them at 3pm. Now they are old enough to say/ get something themselves.

I've long suspected she has an eating disorder so has disordered eating patterns herself not that she was being awkward.

I really try to put effort into ensuring the kids have a good relationship with her and respect her as my DH mother and the huge favour she was doing us.
Besides at one time we really needed her help so I had to make it work.

I used to leave labelled food in the fridge or in a lunchbox in the fridge so she couldn't not find it. I'd show the kids it as well so they could point it out. I would then often phone up at lunch time and say just checking you've found the lunch.

As soon as I could I used paid childcare because I was always uneasy about the huge favour she was doing and the forgetting to feed them is neglectful.

It sounds like you've got exasperated with her so probably notice every annoying thing she does. The tidy house really isn't important.

Try to remember the time children have with grandparents is often to short and I believe they are really important for children's emotional health and development.

Personally I will always try to foster a good relationship between them even though there's other things my MiL has done which means I now without her knowledge restrict/manage her contact with the kids to protect them.

Speak to your hubby without putting his mum down and say what's been happening re the food as he really should be aware so you can both make a decision on if you want to carry on with her caring for DD if not how will he ensure their relationship continues.

There you go, sandwich, drink and yoghurt (a la Morrisons) on the fridge plus food for you MIL. Note to say it is in the fridge.

And then just let them get on with it. Leave some activities within easy reach maybe otherwise let them do whatever they want!

Time with a grandparent is precious. Free childcare is also precious!

Honestly I think you are being very unfair. I personally wouldn't faff around making pasta for my toddlers lunch - I would make something quick and easy or maybe prepare something the evening before that could be heated up. I'm also usually too busy playing and having fun to worry about tidying up until the end of the day. My DH comes home sometimes to a bomb site and couldn't give a monkeys.
She is doing you a favour and your DD is getting time with granny. Relax a bit and accept she won't do things the way you would but she is taking good care of her and they are having fun together

We know it's not your 1st choice but it was dp's 1st choice and presumably he's quite happy with the arrangement. I remember my parents looking after my children once a week for a while and it never occurred to ask what they'd eaten and where they'd been. I just knew they were safe and happy. Is it possible to just chill for one day a week?

She sounds like a nightmare OP, I would look at getting a childminder as it sounds like far less hassle & will stop you getting pissed off with your MIL. The downside is that you will have to carve out some regular time to spend with her as she sounds like she really wants to spend time with your DD and that might be difficult knowing what finding extra time is like for me!

Don't know why you're getting such a hard time here, anything that makes life harder rather than easier with kids doesn't seem worth it to me!!

You sound ungrateful OP. The fact that your mil is helping out with childcare should be enough for you. Why leave notes on what' she has to make for lunch? Good luck in finding a child minder for one morning!!

Can they stop at a cafe on way home from nursery?

What do they do for the time in the house?

It does sound odd for it to be going this way, if she really wants to do it and you're sure she's not being strategically incompetent. Can you engineer to do a couple of hours together with her and your DD to kind of model what you do?

It does sound like she's a bit nervous and doesn't want to get it wrong.

maybe she's just getting a bit flustered and nervous about you being cross with her - give her a break.

Sorry but you sound like a nightmare.... Pesto and Pasta isn't as 'easy' to some people as you make out. You should be grateful she does this for free.

How about beans on toast or a boiled egg? Something more traditional? And be nice, it's nice for your dd to see her granny.

And yes I agree with Kent!

I'd think carefully about the consequences if you "sack" her

What does your DH have to say about it all? Was it made clear to her that you wanted her to take DD to the park every day?

And like others have suggested, I would leave a packed lunch for your DD. Then see how that goes for 3 months.

Spending time with grandparents is a valuable thing. Maybe like other posters here your MIL thinks that time spent back in her own environment after a busy morning at nursery is better for your DD than coming home, eating a rushed lunch and heading straight out to the park again?

Kent makes a good point.

I hope you leave lunch for your MiL too

Sorry but you are completely unreasonable. I imagine the place is a mess because she's too busy focusing on your child (hence toys everywhere) - that's hardly a sackable offence to me!

She probably thought you meant a sandwich for lunch! And it sounds like she can't win with you anyway

This about your DD spending time with her grandmother, let them do what they want.

Leave a packed lunch, and something fur your MIL to eat. If they spend three hours watching CBeebies one afternoon a week does it really matter?

If your DD is safe and happy you need to overlook a few toys not put away.

I think from what you said it would be unkind to "sack" your MIL. She's your DDs grandma, not a professional nanny.