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Original poster

FOR CHILDMINDERS & ANYONE WHO USES THEM ~ A QUESTION

29 replies

Jealousyisgreen · 16/04/2007 21:36

Hi everyone.

I hope you don't mind me asking this here. I am a regular but feel uncomfortable to post under my usual posting name as I am regularily praising my fabulous childminder.

But something has started to happen that makes me feel quite strange.

I know she is fond of ds. He is 2 now and she has been his carer from he was 6 months old. First she had him 3 days a week, just a few hours. The she started saying it would suit better if I left him up first thing in morn and picked him up at 5pm again, this way it suited her routine with the other mindees.

Lately I have noticed that she takes ds from me. When I pick him up in the evening he will run to me, she will scoop him out of my arms again Last week her son toppled ds over as I was getting ready to go home [picking up ds bag etc] so I walked over, lifted ds and tried to comfort him, he was bawling. She came over, tugged him out my arms and took him to the other side of the kitchen. I filled with tears and tried not to let her see it hurt me as much as it actually did.

Then she started saying it's ok baby, I love you. She has started this in the last few months I have noticed. Telling him she loves him [fwiw I can and do understand that a childminder forms an attachment and a bond with a child, it's perfectly natural and I would much rather have this than her being cruel to ds] But it just sort of makes me sad, if that is even the right word at all.

She had last week off as dh and I were off work also, and she text me saying she was "missing my baby". And today when I dropped ds off she came running out and scooped him up and said "hello my baby, are you glad to be back? did you miss me? Has your mum been good to you?"

I seriously doubt myself as a parent next to her. This is just lately. It might just be me though, and she is really really nice. I think she is a god send in loads of other ways, but this "my baby" thing pisses me off big style.

How would you, as childminders, deal with this? do you tell your mindess you love them> Do you take them from their parent when they are in pain?

How would you, as parents, deal with a childminder who was perfect and fitted your needs, except for this possessiveness with your child?

ds is not an only child. My older child is at school and does not attend a childminder.

Please advise me, I am feeling really resentful as all these little things built up today when she said "has your mummy been good to you".

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S88AHG · 16/04/2007 21:46

I never tell mindees I love them, I might say I missed you last week, if they had a week off but thats to make them relax after a break from me, I never take children out of parents arms once they arrive to pick up, as I see that as their time, maybe she thinks its what you want her to do, ie treat him like her own so he feels safe and secure, I think you need to have a word, but without any other children, I always tell parents they can can call in the evening if they need child free talk time, you must do something otherwise this will fester and not go away and probably get worse, good luck

Rubybees · 16/04/2007 21:45

a childminder should never make a parent feel like this I'm ed.

I love my mindies to pieces but would never take over from a parent.

As for the 'my baby' thats weird in my eyes. All the children have little nick names but not something so precious as 'my baby' that what I call my dd (2.5)

LoveMyGirls · 16/04/2007 21:45

Ohhh hun i'm not suprised you're upset as a childminder i try very hard not to be all cuddley/ lovey in front of parents as i'm aware that they are not my children - i have my own children and they're very lovely and cuddly anyway.

I do cuddle them and tell them i love them being here etc - i havent had a mindee for longer than 10months though and didnt have him from being a baby. I'm always aware the child can be taken from me at any time - the last 2 that have left have been a harsh reminder of this for me so i love the children and care for them as they are my own but when parents are around i respect the fact they are the parents and i would never try to make out i'm doing more for their child than they are. Working with parents is high on my priorities so anything the child achieves is something we have all worked on - not just down to me.

Also the thing about her changing the hours to suit her is a bit there are some circumstances where their hours need to fit in with my routine especially if they expect me to pick them up but not to that extent - i'm talking about maybe half hour or something not what your cm has done.

Original poster
Jealousyisgreen · 16/04/2007 21:44

So, should I have put this in the "am I being unreasonable" bit then?

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