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Original poster

How do you feel about relatives collecting?

31 replies

Doglikeafox · 14/09/2017 16:12

I'd love some opinions from other childminders, and maybe parents on this please. Yesterday a child was due to be collected at 6:00pm. All of my other mindees went home at 5:00pm so it was just me and her. At 5:15pm the mindee's mum rang and asked if it was okay if the child's grandma came to pick the child up instead of her. I said of course, that was fine. I have met the grandma before ( a while ago) but the mindee is old enough to recognise whoever is at the door anyway.
It might also be worth noting that this child has recently expressed quite a bit of anxiety over who is going to collect her at home time. She is fine once I can assure her who is coming, but if I am ambigous (often I don't know if its mum or dad until they get here) she can get quite anxious.
Anyway, 5 minutes later grandma arrives. 40 minutes before child is due to be collected. I opened the door a tad surprised, but said it was fine (It was) and apologised that the child hadn't had their dinner yet and I'd just get her coat. Grandma says 'oh please could she have her dinner here then?' so, again a bit surprised, I said yes but that it wasn't ready yet. I invited her in and her (teenage) granddaughter who was also with her. After 10 mins of awkward convo dinner was ready, I served it up, child ate it (another 10 mins or so) and then I said goodbye and they left. DP and my tea was ready at the same time but I didn't feel like I could eat with them there so our dinner went cold.
As soon as they left the house I felt like my home had been invaded. I feel like the children and parents that come into my home quickly become friends, but this was a lady (and child) I barely know and I wasn't actually prepared for guests. The dining room is at the back of my house so they had to walk all the way through to it, which is an area I don't usually have parents never mind about unknown relatives. My washing was out, I hadn't tidied up from arts and crafts this afternoon etc and I just felt uncomfortable with the whole situation. I think it's already difficult to feel at home in a house primarily used for work and things like this make it even more difficult. This is my home and I don't want strangers traipsing through, commenting on my setting.
Am I being really unreasonable? I know there's not really anything I could do differently next time but I'm still thinking about the situation now.

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Original poster
Doglikeafox · 14/09/2017 19:39

and I think invasion is a relevant and applicable term when discussing privacy being breached, which I feel as though it was.

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Original poster
Doglikeafox · 14/09/2017 19:37

It's a good job this is an anonymous forum then isn't it :-) I would never use that word when speaking to their face, obviously. But I am expressing how I feel to strangers, anonymously.
I'm not at all uncomfortable with my parent's seeing that my house is a mess. They know me well, understand that this is a sign of just how busy we have been learning and exploring. But this lady didn't know me. At all. So yes there are things in my home that I'm not comfortable with a stranger seeing. Because it's my home and a family lives there.
Are there not things in your home that you don't want to share? Or possibly more applicable, do you think that every business should want to invite strangers into the back and show them around? Some things just aren't for public viewing. Parents, mindees, fine. Not total strangers who I don't know.

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Dystopiandreaming · 14/09/2017 19:02

I agree with you, but - and I may get flamed here - if I knew you were my CM and were using the term 'invasion' to talk about clients (or clients' relatives) who come in for any period of time, I would be massively uncomfortable. I don't hang around at my CM's place, but if there was anything in their home I felt they weren't comfortable with me seeing I would remove my DD from the setting. She has to be there all day, so although it isn't a waiting room and the grandmother was being a bit ignorant of that, 'invasion' is very strong language.

Original poster
Doglikeafox · 14/09/2017 17:09

Thank you it's really helpful to have a parents input aswell as childminders.
I think you're right, that's what I should have said. I was a bit taken back at the request but next time will definitely say 'okay we should be done by 5:40, see you then'.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who would see it as an invasion.

OP posts:
Jayfee · 14/09/2017 16:38

you are too nice..she should have collected gd early or come back later. be ready next time and insist on knowing arrval time if not within usual time slot

catkind · 14/09/2017 16:29

Parent here. I think you didn't need to invite her in. You were working, you don't need random family members hanging around distracting you and taking up space. You could just say "OK, dinner will be finished at xxx, see you then." We never went into CM's house as parents for longer than it took to find DD's shoes and hand over. Her space and the other mindees' space, not a waiting room.