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Original poster

As a parent, would you find this too bossy?

212 replies

Snap8TheCat · 14/06/2017 21:54

I'm a well established childminder and when a new family starts with me I provide them with a pack of my policies and procedures and all the forms I need completing.

I'm thinking of adding a page to iron out little niggles that invariably crop up. Things like, please name clothing, don't drop off early without prior arrangement, i prefer nappies instead of pull ups, no lace up shoes etc etc

It's all worded very friendly but firmly. I feel it's better to air these things before they become a problem and I have to find a way of bringing it up.

However I'm dithering over whether to include it or not. Parents, what do you think?

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Treaclespongeandcustard · 15/06/2017 14:30

I thought your tone sounded a bit mean 'rock up with their own rules'. Maybe I'm a bit sensitive because to me laces and pull ups aren't a big deal, they hardly constitute 'own rules' but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Original poster
Snap8TheCat · 15/06/2017 14:11

I sound mean? I did listen to the comments but decided I still think it's best to do what I originally thought. You think that's mean? Grin

OP posts:
Treaclespongeandcustard · 15/06/2017 14:04

You sound a bit mean op. You asked for comments but clearly didn't want them. I think your reflections make sense, definitely good for both sides to know what they're getting at an interview stage. For what it's worth, all sounded fine to me (bar the Velcro) before you had a rant.

Floralnomad · 15/06/2017 13:49

I don't think that just because someone wants their dc to have what they consider the most comfortable 'nappy' it means that they expect their child to come first and be the centre of the universe .

Original poster
Snap8TheCat · 15/06/2017 13:46

Actually having slept on this, some of the responses here and really clarified something for me. Something some parents have probably never thought of.

When I meet a new family, I am interviewing them as much as they are interviewing me. It's very much a two way decision process. I am considering the children and families I already work with, my own children and husband and indeed myself when meeting and deciding on whether I can work with the new family.

If people aren't considerate and flexible in a group care setting it can make things difficult for everyone, yes including me! If people have such strong feelings that they can't pick up a packet of nappies instead of pull ups to leave at my house then they aren't going to fit in. I have 13 children on my books at the moment and they and their parents are all marvellous. They appreciate that their child cannot always be first, but that's part of the reason they have chosen a childminder. To integrate their child in to a family setting and learn patience, consideration and generally being nice (even if god forbid it is to make my life easier!) is wonderful.

I think if you can't bear to make your childminder's life's easier by selecting a pair of Velcro shoes instead of lace ups if she says it will be helpful then you might need a nanny that you employ.

It goes both ways, I'll run out to fetch a child from school if a parent is running late or whip up a packed lunch if they've forgotten theirs.

If everything has to be a parent's way or no way then that doesn't make a good partnership for me and I would equally wave you on your way if you indicated that to me.

OP posts:
Migraleve · 15/06/2017 13:21

couldn't believe that parents are no longer shown how to change a nappy without stripping a child off who would show them? Surely it's just common sense to work out the easiest way to change a child. The idea that someone should be showing people this is quite bizarre.

jannier · 15/06/2017 08:17

I couldn't believe that parents are no longer shown how to change a nappy without stripping a child off the first time I saw a mum do this I was just why are you taking his trousers and shoes off? It totally explains why I stand outside changing rooms for so long. It amazes me that in hundreds of years of evolution its only the last 5 that has bread babies that can no way ever be changed in a nappy. God help those parents when the 6 month old becomes a screaming 2 year old htat wont get in a car seat if you cant control a wriggly 6 month old. Cooperation with nappy changes is also one of the development stages.

SoupDragon · 15/06/2017 07:13

I would be questioning why a registered childminder felt trying shoelaces impacted the day to the point where they couldn't spend quality time with my child.

Really? You can't see how having to tie, untie, tie, untie, re-tie, untie, tie...shoelaces for children is an unnecessary time drain?

gamerwidow · 15/06/2017 07:09

If you put your child in any care setting other than a nanny you will need to adapt your child to suit the rules. It's precious to insist on pull ups and lave up shoes when you know it makes the childminders life harder. Just use pull ups and lace up shoes and home.
When Dd started with her CM we had to change all sorts of things to help her fit into the setting because unlike at home there are 6 other children to think about.

OddBoots · 15/06/2017 06:38

If they are your requests and you phrase them as requests then parents who want to can discuss it with you.

I think some will just think you are trying to make your life easier for your own sake so might but some will realise that if you are asking it for all the children in your care then their child will have less waiting around time while you change another child too.

Trollspoopglitter · 15/06/2017 01:01

"Well because I wasn't actually asking if my rules were reasonable requests! I was asking whether the info in written format was too bossy or should I just raise it as the issue becomes apparent? "

And the answers you received said - neither! Make your rules known at introduction time because many parents will not be happy signing a contract and then given you "friendly" rules.

Honestly, none of the nurseries we used were ever so rigid, so I definitely would want to know about your "issues" before I signed a legal contact with you. Oh, and yes. People can easily break that contract if you present them with your "issues" once they signed one.

Shadow666 · 15/06/2017 00:38

I think the point is that the nature of the rules does matter. Rules such as about lateness, sickness, early drop-offs etc. would be utterly essential. The concern is that some of the rules like about nappies start to seem nit picky, so if there are a lot of nit picky rules then parents might be put off and it might give the impression that things are quite rigid and that you aren't open to personal requests. So some issues are better dealt with up front, some are better discussed at the time with parents.

Migraleve · 15/06/2017 00:24

Oh right. I totally misunderstood the post.

Original poster
Snap8TheCat · 15/06/2017 00:00

Well because I wasn't actually asking if my rules were reasonable requests! I was asking whether the info in written format was too bossy or should I just raise it as the issue becomes apparent?

Indeed I do cater for personal requests. I have had a child in cloth nappies for two years for instance.

OP posts:
Ginormoustrawberry · 14/06/2017 23:56

snap

Carry on doing what you're doing. This thread is just testament to how many people just don't have a clue and for everyone who would say that they would discount you based on your OP I would suggest is a bullet dodged!

Willow2017 · 14/06/2017 23:55

Ffs! No fun having to bend down and re-tie shoelaces

Migraleve · 14/06/2017 23:55

I thought you posted because you wanted honest opinions? You don't seem to be able to take them.

I don't think having to use a different nappy or having to tie shoelaces would take quality time away from the mindees. In fact that as a reason makes it worse. I would be questioning why a registered childminder felt trying shoelaces impacted the day to the point where they couldn't spend quality time with my child.

eurochick · 14/06/2017 23:54

The early drop off point is fair enough. The clothes labelling is sensible. The other points seem to be infringing into parental choices to me. I'm paying for childcare, so I wouldn't like to be dictated to.

Willow2017 · 14/06/2017 23:53

I agree pull ups are a p.i.a. when you have 3 toddlers to change before going anywhere. Full strip off and redress bottom half. Another bug bear is skinny jeans on toddlers who are toilet training how many times I have had wet carpets and bathroom floors cos they cannot get them off in time I have lost count!
And laces too some kids seem to untie them ever 2 minutes. Its no f7n having to stop and bend diwb to rie laces every few minutes. I had a no shoes indoors rule as a result.

It's best to keep things clear from the start. Saves justifying yourself later on. Your house your rules.

Calyrical · 14/06/2017 23:49

Well, you seem to have made up your mind Smile

Original poster
Snap8TheCat · 14/06/2017 23:48

But that's exactly it, it's because I want to get on and cherish our learning and laughter moments that I don't want to spend silly time buggering around with shoelaces! I want to teach them how to put their shoes on all by themselves, I want you to thank me at pick up when you realise they can do their shoes by themselves and it makes you getting out the house that bit easier too!

I want to change nappies quickly at toddler group so we can all get back to having fun. Not drag your child off to the toilet so your child can wait for me to change little johnny out of his poo and spend extra time dressing him instead of showing your Benny how to write his name.

Yes it does make things easier for me but it's not all for my benefit. It's taking time away from your child too if I'm having to spend longer doing things for the other mindees too.

OP posts:
Rhythmisadancer · 14/06/2017 23:46

Those sorts of comments would have made me discount you as a childminder but if that if that is what you offer, yes, definitely make it clear

Grainfail · 14/06/2017 23:45

Fully agree Calyrical. That's why for me it makes sense to save the time on the mundane tasks during the day where possible so the CM can spend the quality time with the DCs.

Shad0w87 · 14/06/2017 23:44

Hmm pull ups are a parents choice as are what shoes their child wears and if you cannot deal with these small things then you are not providing a service they pay you for Confused

Calyrical · 14/06/2017 23:40

Grain it's not that the requests in themselves are unreasonable but that when you are sending your beloved child to spend most of their waking day with someone you want to feel they are going to be cherished not a nuisance or business transaction even though technically they may be.

But that's me. Others will surely differ.