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NannyCam and our Male Nanny (Manny)

118 replies

foursacrowd · 18/03/2007 12:06

NannyCam and our Male Nanny (Manny):
Well, the brief story is that ATM we have a male nanny, since the difficult arrival of DD. Excellent references, married and a clear background check. No problems on the face of it, but we were curious to see what he was doing with our DS2 and DD1 every day.
A friend of mine put together two tiny camera systems that activated when someone came into the room, and we hid it one downstairs and one in the children's bedroom. They were in for about 6 weeks, and DH and I watched highlights in the evenings.
What we saw was a days packed with love and activity, total attention and consistency. It had never even entered our mind about the possibility for any perversion on his part, so it came as no surprise that we had not employed a Paedophile, contrary to many of the stereotypes on mumsnet! We also discovered why the house is sometimes a bombsite, he prefers to direct his attentions to our DS and DD rather than domestics (which he can do to perfection).
So here is the problem. I feel guilty as hell that I thought to do this, especially as I have seen truly outstanding work that I really did not appreciate beforehand. But where do I go from here? I now value him more than ever, but feel that I have betrayed the trust relationship. Should I tell him? My DH also now feels aquard talking to him, maybe something to do with his insecurities.
What did we expect to see, and why did we do it? I don't know. Everything was perfect before, but it has turned into one big f**K up.
Any thoughts greatly welcomed!

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lovemylife · 23/03/2007 09:33

if you are really that bothered, why not stay home with them or send them to a nursery where there will be lots of staff around.

daisy26 · 22/03/2007 20:01

If she/he seems strange and ure kids maybe acting different,then maybe you can start seein what the situation is or finding out whats going on.The best bet is to pop in unexpectedly maybe

caterpiller · 22/03/2007 18:38

What if you do trust her but she's not really how she seems?

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 15:49

You still can't have your Nanny under CCTV surveillance all day long which is my point!

I've met Nannies who are good but put her in a toddler group or at another charges house & the child was no longer her main priority!

If you can't trust your Nanny, you've chosen the wrong method of childcare.

caterpiller · 22/03/2007 12:39

Sorry, should read 100% reliable.

ST, good point, but the two that the OP did have would have given a good idea of the nanny's general demeaner towards the children. This is what she was concerned with, as I understand it, not any 'weirdness'. The cameras showed that she has a lovely nanny in every respect.

As far as anything perverted, if the cameras showed up anything concrete, the last thing on my mind would be whether or not I had used 'bad practice'. At that point, the nanny, wouldn't really deserve to have his rights prioritised in my view. Would you still be so charitible if you saw evidence that your own child had been abused?? I think not. You would be thanking your lucky stars that you had found out.

caterpiller · 22/03/2007 12:26

Zip, do you have a 100% alternative?

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 11:25

You would have to had a camera in every single room in your house in any case to be 100% sure!

zippitippitoes · 22/03/2007 11:24

so caterpiller any parent should put a child carer in their home or a childminder etc under covert surveillance for 6 weeks ...is this your idea of best practice

caterpiller · 22/03/2007 11:15

I'm afraid I don't care about being pc when it comes to the safetly of my kids.

Foursacrowd, I would do the same, but perhaps not for so long. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. Your loyalty is to your children. How long could it have taken for you to find out if something bad had been going on? Do those of you who are up in arms about his rights think that is just a small price to pay for doing the pc thing?? This logic makes me very when it concerns children. It should be saved for situations involving adults only. As far as I am concerned there are NO limits when it comes to making sure that our children are ok.

It's all very well to say you should not leave your children with someone if you don't trust them, but how can you be 100% sure of what they're like when you're not there? Now you know for sure. Absolutely do not tell him. You did completely the right thing, and well done for haveing the guts to see it through. Now just forget about it.

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 10:40

I don't disagree but the majority of child abuse is infact by a family member or a family friend isn't it!

Believe me I've came across many girls who aren't cut out to be Nannies in my time & I've also had a word with Parents too...If people don't speak up it'll sadly always go on unless cameras became compulsory which would no doubt change the profession.

KerryMum · 22/03/2007 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 10:23

KerryMum, I don't think a Nanny knowing they're being filmed defeats any purpose as they aren't likely to harm the child/lie around watching daytime tv if they know they're being filmed!

It wouldn't stop her behaviour outside the home though & lets face it most Nannies are out at least 75% of the day...This is why you have to trust your Nanny 100%.

franyfroo · 22/03/2007 06:54

i think what you did is awful. if i were him (and i found out) i would leave without notice. really disgusted. could go on, but too cross.

KerryMum · 22/03/2007 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 23:01

I actually wish she had been filming me & I would have had the tapes to prove how bloody crazy she was!

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 23:00

KerryMum, I assume the Nannies in the US are informed they're being filmed?

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 22:58

Oh she was very normal at interview, couldn't have been nicer & I had my first run in with her 10mins into my first day!

I went in to wake the children at 7:10am as she'd told me they have to get up at 7am, she hadn't come upstairs & I was scared they'd then be rushed/late for school...She went MENTAL!, I actually jumped out of my skin & I'm not easily frightened!

She never ever said sorry to anyone & was rude to everyone,she bought me many presents after shouting at me, she really was a weird woman!

Genidef · 21/03/2007 22:55

I have to reply to KerryMum. I'm originally from the US. Is that REALLY that common there? What are you supposed to do - review the tapes each night? When? Have someone else monitoring the tapes?

Genidef · 21/03/2007 22:51

Classic. Did she seem normal at interview?!

KerryMum · 21/03/2007 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 22:46

I'm not a Mum but if I was a Mum who was around most of the day I wouldn't feel the need to have a very experienced Nanny working for me in any case.

She used to pick the child up from school & take her straight to the shop for goodies every day & then she allowed her to only eat 2 spoonfuls of her night time meal which was prepared by the live-in Housekeeper in the house which had 4 daily maids!

Genidef · 21/03/2007 22:41

I'm wondering if those incidents were really a commentary on you - mums just like to do those sorts of things 'cause they are mums and they can't help it. You may well be a mum too in which case you don't need me to tell you this. She may have had no idea how much it grated on you, she was just thinking about her child and what SHE felt she should be doing.

Having been both an employer at this point and an employee - I can see both sides. It's annoying when my boss works from home, for example, and then acts like I'm on holiday when I do.

Good thing you didn't see me eating a krispy kreme on my way to work the other morning.

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 22:23

She will be willing to be managed if there is a need for her to be managed, yes.

On a lighter note: I once worked for a Woman whom thought it was fine for her to manage me (after 8yrs experience) by checking the temperature of her 3yo bath water, the symmetry of her pigtails, the folding of her loo paper, to name but a few!

Needless to say I felt the need to leave after 9mths of her management!...I also informed her that eating pain au chocolat & sweets on the way home from nursery wasn't a healthy habit (as I walked out the door!)

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 22:14

Eleusis, I know whom I work for - not quite sure what you mean by that exactly...I work for my Employers & my main concern is my charge.

Anyway I'll bow out now as we obviously disagree.

Genidef · 21/03/2007 22:09

I agree - she will be willing to be 'managed' I guess!