Au-pairs, what do you do with them in the evenings ?

Hi,
you could advertise in the Irush Times, it is online too. thats the best paper in Ireland. I answered ads in it.

Let me know if you do!! LOL Good luck and hopefully a great caring Irish girl!

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I also agree I wouldn?t write in down about having your own space it can sound off putting and very harsh. In reality most AP soon get a busy social life, even where I live we don?t have loads of bars and amenities nearby. IME most potential AP?s do some research before seeking a family or have guidelines provided by the agency about giving privacy and space to the family in the evenings or at appropriate times. I have only ever had this problem once with an AP and it didn?t workout (it was more than just wanting to sit with us every evening, as I could have addressed that issue) AP was older- in her 30?s and extremely demanding person and expected to go out our friends and be part of my social life rather than her own, she would help herself to bottles of wine, CD?s and my costmetics and haridryer and it was a battle trying to get her to do any housework. Needless to say she never read any information sent to her by me or did any research.

I quite agree Sunny - I don't really like it if my aupairs hang around the house either. I just wouldn't write anything about it - rather just rely on their desire to be around other people their own age where there's no chance they'll be asked to pretend to be a giant (current favourite DD game).

It's always worked for me in the past- My last experience of aupair hunting on the internet was that I had to be sooooo careful and almost "over" friendly just to keep the responses coming!

Eventually found a lovely lovely Aussie girl

fionaAP, which paper did you use? I'd love an Irish AP but dont' know how to advertise where they would see it?

Sorry forgot to put the quotes round it so this is the bit that goes in our letter/contract

"We would expect that you might eat with us 1 or 2 times a week and join in occasional family trips. However, as a host family we would normally expect to have some private time to ourselves, particularly in the evenings. During this time, our au pair might retire to his or her room to watch TV or study, or go out with friends from language school"

Then there's a whole section wheere I list the facilties that are open nearby and what things are in the AP room. We're paying for a years pass to our local cinema (only 30 mintues walk or 15 mintues by bus) its in my name but with no photoID that means the AP can use it too! it means one person can go to the cinema as many times as they want for £10 a month. So she is welcome to use it whenever she wants.

I think if you live in a vibrant place with loads of facilities its reasonable to expect an outgoing AP to want to make the most of them. I'd be a bit worried by any 18-223 yr old who prefered to spend their evenings sitting in with two tired adults instead of going to free (see above) cinema, cafe's/pubs with mates, late night shopping or swimming/sports.

having been an au pair and nanny I think your description is fantastic! LOL

We're offering a TV/DVD + freeview, broadband wireless internet in the au pairs room. I'll also show them around clubs, theatre, pubs, cafe's, bowling, live music venues, cinema, swimming baths, gym, ice hockey arena (we're looking for a canadian) etc that are all open in the evenings and all accessible within a 30 minute walk of our house.

This is ideal! If you get a slightly older au pair or nanny they will be happy as anything! I worked in London myself when I was about 23 and was out a lot1 and stayed with distant boyfriend. I knew they needed time alone, and as a family and anyway I didnt want to be about if I didnt have to work! LOL It works best like that. Im sure at interview you will get an idea of what they are likely to be like.
Perhaps you should try and advertise in newspapers abroad? Just a suggestion as Im Irish and I answered ads in my local paper to get jobs in both London and florida!
worked for me! and of course I was English speaking!

Sunnyjim - in my experience you'll be lucky to get many serious replies if you write that. The Canadians, like the Australians are pretty high in demand and can pick and choose their families.

Let me know how you get on though

the au pairs round here used to all gather in the wine bar and have one drink that lasted all night.

No experience yet as still recruiting but I'd say write it into your intital letters etc. I've put this:

We would expect that you might eat with us 1 or 2 times a week and join in occasional family trips. However, as a host family we would normally expect to have some private time to ourselves, particularly in the evenings. During this time, our au pair might retire to his or her room to watch TV or study, or go out with friends from language school.

I do realise that an au pair might be young and lonely - although we are activly trying to recruit someone who is outgoing and who has been abroad before.
On the other hand I don't expect any teenager or young adult to want to spend their entire time with an older married couple!
And I don't think tis out of line for us to want some alone time as a couple.

I would include an au pair on weekend activites involving DS but if me and DH are going out I don't think we'd want a 19 yr old playing gooseberry! And sometimes we will want time just as a family as well, me DH and DS.

We're offering a TV/DVD + freeview, broadband wireless internet in the au pairs room. I'll also show them around clubs, theatre, pubs, cafe's, bowling, live music venues, cinema, swimming baths, gym, ice hockey arena (we're looking for a canadian) etc that are all open in the evenings and all accessible within a 30 minute walk of our house.

My au pair of 4 months 2 years ago refused to eat with us, even though I had written it into the contract, rarely spoke with me except to ask for a rise or complain about the Uk and the food (she was unpleasable and insatiable) and stayed in her room or went out to the gym TOO much-we didn't give her a tv straightaway to help with her English, but that didin't work in this case. It was a real pain at weekends, she was always cooking greasy concoctions, using all the pans, and leaving messes, and we were very uncomfortable-she was always THERE, this rather unhappy, overweight-and-stressed-about-it, malevolent presence that in turm made us feel unhappy. Most happy au pair or nanny employers I've met seem to lose them to distant boyfriends every weekend.

I had a friend's niece for a summer week last year and she was very interactive with me, a lovely girl, but I was utterly worn out and felt we were entertaining her, taking her to see all the sights of London-can't face having her again.

Hard to strike the right balance-I need help, not another child to care for.

Indiajane your very welcome!...When I moved to the other side of London I found Nannyjob a godsend & made a couple of very good friends through it!

I agree with scottish thistle too! I would never ask an aupair to make herself absent from the living room after a certain time as I think it would be crushing to them. I "rescued" an aupair from a family that made her eat in the kitchen while the family dined in the dining room wtf!!?

Emphasis on giving them a nice room with mod cons as described, language college etc and you really will find that they like their privacy too.

Scottish T, I have an asussie aupair, thanks for the info on nannyjob.co and the toddler group idea

I agree Scottish thistle. Both in what is expected for them to do and what they need back. I was an au pair in Florida and did need a bit of hand holding! I guess I was young. Later on after more experience and during training as a teacher I need set hours, as an au pair my hours were not set at all and I found I worked nearly every waking hour! I went to evening classes after work and visited my boyfriennd at weekends and it was much more of a "proper job" if you know what ~i mean. I didnt need my hand held and didnt want it1 LOL

the main thing is to think what you want and be honest at interviews. Then everyone knows what to expect.

Nanny & Au-Pair are two very different things!!!

My nanny tends to spend 7pm to 9pm on the computer chatting to her friends in NZ (in our study/playroom) and then tends to go down to her room about 9pm to watch ER, Des HW etc. She has a freeview and a DVD player with her TV in her room. I think that's fair....

Mojo
My prospective ap is coming to stay for a few days soon - in a similar way to your Spanish one.

I just wondered what she did when she was with you and whether you got her to do any work or just got to know each other?

Hellooooooooooo MOJO Didn't know it was this week she was over! No advice to add as you well know, I've never used an au pair. BUT, if you want me to ask my mindees mum if her au pair would like to meet up with yours, let me know and I'll see what they say! Their au pair is 19 and from Slovakia.

Sent you email earlier so just reply on that if you want me to ask

By the way, when are you planning on her starting?

scottish thistle, they just do. Im not their mums, so I dont ask for details, but going out doesnt have to involve spending loads of money.

Oh just had another thought...when I was an au pair forst I was in Miami on a very very low wage. It was pocket money really....so couldnt afford to do much. the family would sometimes suggest I go to the cinema, and they would drop me and pay for it sometimes too. I would stay all evening and walk back! It was a huge treat for me, boosted my outings and whatever...I felt Id had a treat and boy was I grateful...Im sure it showed in my attitude! LOL
then again i did earn it I cleaned, washed, ironed and by the end I was doing the gardening and decorating! But thats another story!

Hi,
Ive been an au pair and a nanny. I have worked abroad and also in London. I didnt know a soul anywhere. What I would say is, I never had the TV or DVD or whatever in my room either. At the beginning, if you are young and new to the area you are pretty dependant on your family. you can feel very vunerable. So as an employer...get armed with local info. Try the local library. If your kids are young why not let her take them to the local mother and toddler group or a music group or something like that. she is likely to meet other au pairs and nannys there. I made friends when I was an au pair that I have to this day! (more than 20 years later!)
If she is foreign then maybe English evening classes. Im afraid having an au pair part of the deal for sheaper childcare is the fact that you are menat to look after them a bit. but you can become great friends too.
I did some great things with the mother of the kids I looked after. Such as swimming with dolphins...memories for life! her hubby didnt want to! I felt like a valued member of the family, but it doesnt mean she shouldnt be sensitive and leave you alone sometimes too. I got good at reading signs and would disappear when I felt we all needed a break!

Lots of luck!

How can an Au-Pair afford to go out every night???

agree, its mean to resent her being around in the evenings.
however, ime, they are usually out enjoying themselves, or glued to the internet, so you probably havent got anything to worry about.
Get her evening language classes, that should take care of several evenings per week, and also she will meet other au pairs, for evening socialising.
as a general rule, au pair out partying every night = happy au pair.

I think it is mean to expect an Au-Pair to spend all her time in her room, the au-pair experience should be more of a being part of a family experience.

You should at least for the first few weeks welcome her into your family & then if she hasn't made any friends (which she should do at language school) you could suggest she goes onto Nannyjob website for instance to see if there are any girls in your area who are also looking for friends.

i like my own space in the evenings and prefer to watch T.V with a glass of wine with DH usually the lounge becomes mine after 9pm and AP drifts off on the computer. I agree with decent T.V and freeview. Equally we like to include AP at weekends and whenever possible to take her on trips out. I usually find that once AP starts to make friends in the area and at language school we start to see less of AP in the evening and at weekend. We have had one AP that wasn,t interested in going out much and very independent and v.happy doing their her own thing.