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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Housekeeper for free?

59 replies

feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 16:55

I have nc to post this ...
This has been playing on my mind for the last couple of weeks and I just can't stop thinking about it ...
one of my 'friends' has a live in help who looks after their daughter, cooks for them, cleans etc. She is foreign and her English is very very limited. She's lived with them for a few years and is in no way related. This friend has recently revealed that she doesn't pay her and was actually boasting to other friends how fantastic this set up is and why pay an au pair or a nanny when you can have a more mature woman with experience without paying a penny. When I challenged her about it she said that food and room is enough payment and she found her another job she does a few hours a week which she gets payment for so they don't need to pay her. She should be really greatful for this job as her English is so poor she wouldn't get that job on her own. She also said if she's not happy she can leave any time and because she's agreed to this set up herself it's perfectly ok and legal. It just made me feel physically sick. AIBU to feel upset about this or is she using her? Is it really ok not to pay somebody for such work?

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everythingburrito · 27/03/2017 17:49

There's a national minimum wage for a reason.

This is illegal.

Report it.

Otherwise you are complicit in this.

PencilsInSpace · 27/03/2017 17:49

She's actually in a bit of a precarious position in terms of immigration status. Someone from the EU has to be a 'qualified person' to have rights to live in the UK. You get this by:

  • working
  • studying
  • seeking work
  • being self-sufficient
or
  • being self-employed

If she only has a few paid hours a week she probably wouldn't get status as a worker, unless they are very well paid hours. She could possibly count as self sufficient but would need comprehensive medical insurance in that case.

People are not generally being deported for not being qualified persons at the moment but times are changing. Is she worried about Brexit at all?

If she possibly can, she'd be best off getting more paid work ASAP, and binning off your exploitative 'friend' obviously.

harshbuttrue1980 · 27/03/2017 17:48

She's being abused. She can walk out the door, but only in the same way that an abused wife can walk out the door. Psychological bonds can be as tight as physical ones. If you don't do something, then you are complicit in modern day slavery. Report it to the police, PLEASE, for this poor woman's sake.

JigglyTuff · 27/03/2017 17:48

Well - you have your answer. Report your 'friend' to the police or you're complicit in her abuse

Original poster
feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 17:37

I can't out the country as it will totally out me ... she's got the same right to movement and work as a French or German national and she does know she could get any other job and rent something elsewhere ... and I know she wouldn't be stopped if she decided to to this ...

OP posts:
BoBaraMoMara · 27/03/2017 17:37

Am she may be sending any money that she earns back to her family. This is awful. I would report it.

Love51 · 27/03/2017 17:34

So this person is being psychologically if not physically held against her will.
You don't want this to be modern slavery, because no one wants to think that of people they know. The whole idea seems dramatic.
But you know the situation isn't right.
Report it to the police. If they investigate and no crime is bring committed, you will feel a but of a wally. If you don't report it and a crime is being committed, you'll feel a lot worse. Not to mention the poor woman who is being exploited.

DoItTooJulia · 27/03/2017 17:33

What are you going to do?

listsandbudgets · 27/03/2017 17:33

Cross posted.

If you speak her first language perhaps you should enlighten her yourself about the minimum wage and freedom of movement

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 27/03/2017 17:32

You need to report this OP. A lot of what you've said is classic abuse language. How many victims of Domestic abuse say try are grateful their partner is looking after them, that they could leave at any time. Doesnt make it true.

OlennasWimple · 27/03/2017 17:32

Kalayaan are a fantastic organization who might be able to provide some advice and support.

There's a short summary of the rights that an overseas domestic worker has in the UK here

listsandbudgets · 27/03/2017 17:31

Whereabouts in the EU is she from feelingsick? Do you think that she knows that there are no questions over her status? Are you sure she is from the EU and her "owner" (yes she is being treated as a slave) isn't just misrepresenting her situation.

Not from one of the old USSR block states is she? Belarus for example?

Original poster
feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 17:31

I meant to say ... she can get by with her English as it is

OP posts:
Original poster
feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 17:30

Wizzy ... no additional needs except poor English but I guess she can get back. I know her and spoke to her many times (I speak her mothertongue) I don't think she realises she's being used ....

OP posts:
wizzywig · 27/03/2017 17:27

Does she have any additional needs? Is she actually thinking she has a good job and hasnt realised she is being used?

bignamechangeroonie · 27/03/2017 17:26

After years of living there I doubt it's 'consent'. The authorities will not view it as consent.

You can't sign your rights away.

OlennasWimple · 27/03/2017 17:25

If she is from the EU, though, she is still supposed to be working, studying or in the UK with a family member. It isn't quite as simple as anyone can live anywhere in the EU...

toffeeboffin · 27/03/2017 17:25

Oh come the fuck on, feelingsick.

Original poster
feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 17:24

Aridane ... she's from EU so there's no question about any immigration status

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Aridane · 27/03/2017 17:23

I wonder if your 'friend' is playing on any doubtful immigration staus??

ofudginghell · 27/03/2017 17:22

ShockShockShock

Original poster
feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 17:21

Yes she does have a passport and she's from a country with free movement with UK so she doesn't need a visa. This whole situation has totally stunned me. There is consent to this set up ... I don't think she is aware or even feels she's being used as she's just so grateful ...

OP posts:
bignamechangeroonie · 27/03/2017 17:20

Slaves are not just physically kept against their will, they're also psychologically prevented from leaving.

She's a slave, tell the police.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 27/03/2017 17:17

Does she have access to her passport tho?