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Original poster

CM Club - advice from those who've looked after young babies..............

35 replies

looneytune · 06/03/2007 15:01

Hi everyone

As some of you will be aware, I now look after the sibling of my 19 month mindee. Baby is now 11 weeks.

I started looking after baby at approx. 6/7 weeks and feel very privilaged to be looking after such a gorgeous tiny baby BUT the feeding etc. is starting to take it's toll aswell as the baby crying most of the time if not held

I LOVE LOVE LOVE little babies but I have 3 children under 4 to look after during the day and obviously have to make sure no one suffers.

Baby is wanting to be fed anything between every 2 and half hours to 3 and half hours, usually every 3ish hours. The feed takes a long time and she also has trouble bringing her wind up which makes her quite upset for a while after the feed. Once she settles, I change her nappy and then put her down to get on with other things.

The problem I have is the times baby wants feeding and no matter what time her last feed was, she always seems to want a feed when I'm preparing lunch for the other 2. I was sorting baby as soon as she wants the feed and made the others wait as the poor baby is so small (was 4 weeks early so still very small) but I can't do this forever as the others kids are always wanting lunch straight after the nursery run and it's not fair to make them wait that long (as due to being small baby and taking a long time to feed, it's much later lunch if they have to wait)

So, today mindees were dropped off, au pair told me she gave baby her bottle at 7.30am. I did the nursery run then went to childminder drop in. At 10.30am I gave baby a feed as I have to leave by 11.10am at the latest for nursery run and I knew she'd be getting hungry and would otherwise have to wait until 12. So, baby had 3 and half oz's at group then we went off to nursery to pick ds up. As usual, we were home at 12 o'clock. Only 1 and half hours since last feed so put her in chair and started lunch for the other 2. By the time I'd sorted their lunch out and sat them down to eat, she was screaming for her feed Maybe she didn't have enough at group but she seem settled after and I had no choice but to go on the nursery run. Baby very tired so had some of the milk, fell asleep, put down, sorted dessert for kids, baby woke up for more milk, gave her bit more, her sister falling asleep at the lunch table (very very tired today, don't think she slept well?!) so put baby down again so could clean other and put to bed (didn't want her falling off her chair!). Back to baby, winded some more, had more milk but fell asleep again. Had had a decent amount so put in moses basket for nap, after few mins she woke up and woke her sister up from the noise. Brought baby downstairs so sister could go back to sleep. Changed nappy, tried more feed as chewing hand, had some more and finally fell asleep in my arms around 2.10pm. Left it a bit then put her down for nap again. Luckily she's now asleep but it seems that the only way she'll settle for a proper nap is by falling asleep in my arms, being left, then carefully being put down in moses basket.

20 mins passed and guess what, BABY JUST WOKE UP. Gave dummy, settled but now her sister is awake and really needs a longer sleep (she's a NIGHTMARE if broken sleep, ruins the afternoon).

Oh, baby awake again............just brought downstairs to sleep so I can stop her waking her sister up.

So now I'm wondering if I'm going to get any lunch today??? Should have made it instead of being on here but really need advice.

The worst part of the day for me in dinnertime as baby always wants a feed around 4.30-5pm but I should start making dinner around 4.30pm so that her sister has been fed and ready to go in time for pick up. If it was just my ds then I'd be able to be more relaxed about the times but of course mindees need to be ready to go at a certain time don't they.

So at the end of every day, when parents turn up, I have always either not written diaries in full, not wash all of baby's bottles or older sister hasn't finished her dinner. I feel espcially rushed when parents/au pair come to collect early as I'm not ready for them.

Question 1 - at what age do you normally expect mindees to be in a routine? I can't sort a routine at my end as baby still waking in the night which affects the time she needs a bottle in the morning. Obviously the routine is pretty much based around when the first bottle of the day was, currently timings very bad for what I have to do but not a lot I can do about that.

Question 2 - do you think it's best to have baby nap downstairs with me so she doesn't break her sister's sleep? I wanted her upstairs to get a proper quiet nap but she's not sleeping anyway so maybe best to stay with me?

Question 3 - any idea's for preparing dinner? How on earth do I get round this problem? I have had it where I'm feeding baby bottle with one arm and spoon feeding her sister with the other but most of the time baby wants her bottle around 'preparing dinner' time

Question 4 - is it really cruel to leave baby crying whilst I sort things out? I know she's so tiny but if I leave her crying whilst I make lunch for the others then it's only about 10 mins of her crying but if I feed her first then make dinner, lunch is 1+ hr later than usual and the kids are moaning for food.

I know the mum at home was putting baby in another room to cry if they had to sort their other dd out BUT they now have an au pair to help so of course she's being very helpful and picking baby up whenever she cries - doesn't help me as I can't always do this as have others to look after.

God, I'm so sorry, how long was that!!!! Going to have to go now as can't type anymore with baby in arms. She's suffering with her wind again. I swear this is a lot of the problem!!!

Sorry for moaning but feel it's time to get some advice.

TIA

OP posts:
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mizzy · 06/03/2007 21:56

My baby is 6mths today and i tried to get him into a routine quite early on. You will soon naturally get into a feed/sleep routine as she gets older. I don't think she should need feeding every time she wakes, approx 3-4 hours but not set in stone(how vague was that!). If she's on formula perhaps try a little cooled boiled water. Try not to hold her to get her to sleep, she needs to learn to get herself off. (I looked after a baby girl whose grandparents did that on the days i didn't have her, what a nightmare. They would hold her until she waked 1-2 hours later!!) Try not to put baby down in complete quiet, they like a bit of noise, radio,tumbler etc. I've often hoovered and that's put my boy to sleep. I know that's not realistic as a childminder, I am one. My baby chews or sucks his thumb/fist. Health visitor advised against dummy. If it falls out he will wake up because he can't put it back in. (It has a medical term for it but can't remember what it is).
Prepare as much lunch/dinner the nite before.
Send unwashed bottles home with baby. Mum should understand you can't do everything. (Let the au pair wash them!)
Could you go for a slow walk round the block for 1/2 hour in the afternoon to give baby some fresh air. She may sleep better and give you a break from holding her/listening to crying.
Bear in mind she is only 11 weeks, she's still getting used to the big bad world.
Chin up, it will get better.

Kelly1978 · 06/03/2007 18:50

I had four under four, all my own, and I do what blodwen suggests. I also used to prop the babies up with bottles (in eyesight) while trying to get on with things, and I'm so glad the mum has said you can leave her to cry a bit, it's impossible to look after lots of little ones and run to a baby everytime they cry.

Does she have a dummy?

I also think that feeding all the time creates bad habits, it encourages the baby to snack non stop rather than have regular spaced out feeds, and it is then very hard work to look after the baby, but I guess you don't have much control over that.

blodwen · 06/03/2007 18:43

To make mealtimes easier, why not prepare meals the evening before (cook bit extra when doing family meal), serve onto plates, put in fridge and pop in microwave at lunchtime. I know it's knot quite the same as freshly cooked, but needs must for this short time til things settle down. Just a thought. It makes my lunchtimes much easier with 4 under 4!

JennaJ · 06/03/2007 17:34

Nothing to add to all of the other messages..just wanted to offer sympathy. I have just given notice to the MOST adorable baby for a very similar reason. With 2 other preschoolers full time I just couldn't balance the needs of the baby who wanted my attention all the time and my toddlers who needed more attention than I could give them while I was looking after the baby. It was hearbreaking as the baby and mum are both so lovely :-( Going to be really really sad when he leaves but in a way Im pleased too as my toddlers will be soo much happier.
It also worked out that when one of my current mums found out I had 2 days free she has asked me to have her ds for 2 extra days, and he is just the cutest and gets on fab with my son...so has all worked out ok.

Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one who finds it difficult at times.

Jen

StrawberrySnowflakes · 06/03/2007 16:53

aw bless your ds

i think maybe get one of those gel teethers, put in fridge overnight and see what she does with that!..i think its teeth and i disagree with mum re feeding as mucha s poss!, the poor thing is stuffed and is not all that hungry otherwise it wouldnt keep coming up, maybe advize mum to buy hungry baby milk, then less is more so to speak, but i think gel teether would help???

Original poster
looneytune · 06/03/2007 16:35

x'd posts crace

Thanks for that. My problem with the feed side of things is mum wants me to feed her as much as possible to help her growth catch up (she did this with older sister who was 8 weeks early) so of course wants me to feed whenever she's showing signs of wanting it. I just feel that sometimes it really is more a comfort thing and if she's too full, it must be uncomfy? She's been chewing her hand today which is a new thing since last week. Mum noticed this too so is saying to let her just comfort herself like this and to leave her crying when things need doing. I will try my baby bjorn thing again and see if that helps although I couldn't sit down with her in it. I remember when she was only 7ish weeks old, I used it to settle her and even went to the toilet with her in it for fear of her waking up.

Right, whilst she's sleeping I'm going to go off and try and start making dinner.

Feel so bad for ds, done NOTHING with him today (was at nursery this morning) and he's bored He was ok to start with but his best friend has just left us after being with us for 1 and half years. They are 1 month apart in age and they loved playing in their own little world after nursery. Now all he has is babies. He's being really good and not moaning much but I real do feel for him, he misses mindee soooooooooo much (apart from when he's moaning because she won't marry him! hehe )

OP posts:
Original poster
looneytune · 06/03/2007 16:26

Right, just been having lot chat with their mum and found out something that is different to what I was led to believe a couple of weeks ago. Apparently baby isn't put down for a nap at home, she just tends to fall asleep on the playgym as and when she's tired. So, she has JUST fallen asleep on it! Doesn't bother me where she sleeps, it's just that mum told me she tries to put THEM down around 2pm for a nap but now telling me she only does with the older sibling. At least that helps for me to know, I'll see how she gets on with me doing this!

OP posts:
crace · 06/03/2007 16:20

Just to put this out there - there is a nasty growth spurt at 11/12 weeks, so maybe this is what is happening?

Get a sling it will help you survive this. I had a baby bjorn but have moved onto a wrap style sling for my dd now that she is older. As a baby she wanted to be held constantly, and this was the only way I ate, got anything done. You won't spoil her, and it will help 1) calm her and perhaps distract from what seems like a need to feed and 2) put her to sleep.

You won't always be able to drop things and hold her I understand, but hopefully she will learn to settle - it's probably a new thing for her. Bless her

Hang in there!

Original poster
looneytune · 06/03/2007 15:28

Thanks for putting that SS, I am totally with you on the feeding for comfort thing. She's sick quite a lot and I did put a thread on the bottle feeding section but felt like people thought I was judging the mother so didn't go back to it. I really do think she's not always feeding for the right reason.

Today she just won't settle at all. She's desperately tired, wants her dummy but it keeps coming out - I can't spend every 3 mins putting the dummy back in her mouth, she really does need to learn to settle herself in the long run but whilst I have spare arms, I'm using them!

OP posts:
StrawberrySnowflakes · 06/03/2007 15:14

poor you!

sounds like baby is soothed by bottle more than hungry? or maybe needs hungrier baby milk?..maybe even teething and the biting of the teat helps sooth it??..poor lamb and poor you and poor kids!
the baby isnt satisfied by what she is getting and sounds very unsettled.