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Original poster

CM Club - advice from those who've looked after young babies..............

35 replies

looneytune · 06/03/2007 15:01

Hi everyone

As some of you will be aware, I now look after the sibling of my 19 month mindee. Baby is now 11 weeks.

I started looking after baby at approx. 6/7 weeks and feel very privilaged to be looking after such a gorgeous tiny baby BUT the feeding etc. is starting to take it's toll aswell as the baby crying most of the time if not held

I LOVE LOVE LOVE little babies but I have 3 children under 4 to look after during the day and obviously have to make sure no one suffers.

Baby is wanting to be fed anything between every 2 and half hours to 3 and half hours, usually every 3ish hours. The feed takes a long time and she also has trouble bringing her wind up which makes her quite upset for a while after the feed. Once she settles, I change her nappy and then put her down to get on with other things.

The problem I have is the times baby wants feeding and no matter what time her last feed was, she always seems to want a feed when I'm preparing lunch for the other 2. I was sorting baby as soon as she wants the feed and made the others wait as the poor baby is so small (was 4 weeks early so still very small) but I can't do this forever as the others kids are always wanting lunch straight after the nursery run and it's not fair to make them wait that long (as due to being small baby and taking a long time to feed, it's much later lunch if they have to wait)

So, today mindees were dropped off, au pair told me she gave baby her bottle at 7.30am. I did the nursery run then went to childminder drop in. At 10.30am I gave baby a feed as I have to leave by 11.10am at the latest for nursery run and I knew she'd be getting hungry and would otherwise have to wait until 12. So, baby had 3 and half oz's at group then we went off to nursery to pick ds up. As usual, we were home at 12 o'clock. Only 1 and half hours since last feed so put her in chair and started lunch for the other 2. By the time I'd sorted their lunch out and sat them down to eat, she was screaming for her feed Maybe she didn't have enough at group but she seem settled after and I had no choice but to go on the nursery run. Baby very tired so had some of the milk, fell asleep, put down, sorted dessert for kids, baby woke up for more milk, gave her bit more, her sister falling asleep at the lunch table (very very tired today, don't think she slept well?!) so put baby down again so could clean other and put to bed (didn't want her falling off her chair!). Back to baby, winded some more, had more milk but fell asleep again. Had had a decent amount so put in moses basket for nap, after few mins she woke up and woke her sister up from the noise. Brought baby downstairs so sister could go back to sleep. Changed nappy, tried more feed as chewing hand, had some more and finally fell asleep in my arms around 2.10pm. Left it a bit then put her down for nap again. Luckily she's now asleep but it seems that the only way she'll settle for a proper nap is by falling asleep in my arms, being left, then carefully being put down in moses basket.

20 mins passed and guess what, BABY JUST WOKE UP. Gave dummy, settled but now her sister is awake and really needs a longer sleep (she's a NIGHTMARE if broken sleep, ruins the afternoon).

Oh, baby awake again............just brought downstairs to sleep so I can stop her waking her sister up.

So now I'm wondering if I'm going to get any lunch today??? Should have made it instead of being on here but really need advice.

The worst part of the day for me in dinnertime as baby always wants a feed around 4.30-5pm but I should start making dinner around 4.30pm so that her sister has been fed and ready to go in time for pick up. If it was just my ds then I'd be able to be more relaxed about the times but of course mindees need to be ready to go at a certain time don't they.

So at the end of every day, when parents turn up, I have always either not written diaries in full, not wash all of baby's bottles or older sister hasn't finished her dinner. I feel espcially rushed when parents/au pair come to collect early as I'm not ready for them.

Question 1 - at what age do you normally expect mindees to be in a routine? I can't sort a routine at my end as baby still waking in the night which affects the time she needs a bottle in the morning. Obviously the routine is pretty much based around when the first bottle of the day was, currently timings very bad for what I have to do but not a lot I can do about that.

Question 2 - do you think it's best to have baby nap downstairs with me so she doesn't break her sister's sleep? I wanted her upstairs to get a proper quiet nap but she's not sleeping anyway so maybe best to stay with me?

Question 3 - any idea's for preparing dinner? How on earth do I get round this problem? I have had it where I'm feeding baby bottle with one arm and spoon feeding her sister with the other but most of the time baby wants her bottle around 'preparing dinner' time

Question 4 - is it really cruel to leave baby crying whilst I sort things out? I know she's so tiny but if I leave her crying whilst I make lunch for the others then it's only about 10 mins of her crying but if I feed her first then make dinner, lunch is 1+ hr later than usual and the kids are moaning for food.

I know the mum at home was putting baby in another room to cry if they had to sort their other dd out BUT they now have an au pair to help so of course she's being very helpful and picking baby up whenever she cries - doesn't help me as I can't always do this as have others to look after.

God, I'm so sorry, how long was that!!!! Going to have to go now as can't type anymore with baby in arms. She's suffering with her wind again. I swear this is a lot of the problem!!!

Sorry for moaning but feel it's time to get some advice.

TIA

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Original poster
looneytune · 10/03/2007 10:34

Cheers for that, useful info!

OP posts:
sunnyjim · 09/03/2007 11:53

no way will an 11 week old baby stay awake most of the day.
DS was on a rough routine at this age (still waking in the night) so here's what he was doing in case it helps;

6am bottle, usually went back to sleep for 1 1/2 - 2 hrs between 6.30 and 8.30am.

9am, second bottle, bit of a play and massage first then bottle,
10am - often went out DS woudl fall asleep in pram or in carrysling so I coudl have a coffee/do shopping. I woudl keep him in the sling to do cooking/washing up.

12pm bottle, again have a bit of awake time for about an hour between 11 and 1pm before and after bottle

sleep in cot for 2-21/2 hrs between 12.30 and 3.30pm - i get my lunch/have a break/do washing up

3/3.30pm bottle
keep baby more or less awake between 3pm bottle and 5pm bottle, he might have a short nap in his pram but only 20-30 minutes.
Get outside and do gentle playing

5pm bottle
bath and play
6pm bottle and bed

10pm wake up for bottle

then he would wake once between 2am and 4am for another bottle.

He was sleeping 18-20 hrs at this point out of each day - he was also tiny when born and 3 weeks early.

I found the 3 hrly during the day and 4 hrly at night worked okay for him after about 8 weeks, he could take a good full feed each time and have a bit of awake time to play and digest his feed.

Original poster
looneytune · 08/03/2007 21:12

Thanks for that, will mention to mum again then

OP posts:
StrawberrySnowflakes · 08/03/2007 19:53

as far back as i remember i made up dd a bottle of cooled boiled water with all her feeds, she never drank much, but always made one for her

Original poster
looneytune · 08/03/2007 18:59

Another quick question........when do you introduce cool boiled water? I rarely did with ds as he got water from my milk but I'm sure if you bottle feed, there should be water offered at some stage??? Can anyone advise on this?

Thanks (again!)

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Original poster
looneytune · 08/03/2007 18:15

Cheers SS, think I've got her thinking my way now anyway I suppose I needed the confidence in my own judgements and you've all helped me see that I was right and that baby is still too young to MAKE stay awake most of the day.

Au pair picked up today and I chatted to her about next week. She's looking forward to her mum coming, not surprised as she said they are full with B & B guests next week and of course she still has college and the 2 little ones to look after.

OP posts:
StrawberrySnowflakes · 08/03/2007 15:32

i know this doesnt sound good but as much as it would be ideal to follow mums routine, id go with the flow of the baby..i wouldnt wake her and if mum says anything say she is so upset once woken, you cant get on with your ds and her dd and the baby gets into lather..say you'll try, but cant guarantee as dont like seeing baby so upset..a little white lie, but baby will thank you for it

Original poster
looneytune · 08/03/2007 14:35

Oh, well it's the whole week and for an 12 week old and 19 month old. Oh well, she must be ok with the arrangement so I'll leave them to it! Couldn't do it myself but I try and keep my opinions to myself as I've learnt that everyone is different and has different views.

OP posts:
lunavix · 08/03/2007 14:20

As far as I was aware, au pairs are only meant to do around 20 housr a week, for over 5s.. poor baby

Original poster
looneytune · 08/03/2007 13:49

I agree, it's very The au pair is pretty much having them both the whole time she's not at college. I will have them at the usual start times on Tues & Wed but instead of 6.30 pickup, it will be more like 4.30/4.45 on way back from college. She's doesn't go to college on Thursday's so I'm not required as she'll be having them. I'm going to make sure mum is aware that I'm here to help if I'm required as I have no mindees on the other 2 days. Obviously I value my spare time but would much rather I helped out than au pair struggle. Having said that, her mum is coming so hopefully they will be fine.

Not sure about the legalities too as I thought au pairs are allowed to do so much childcare a week?

OP posts:
JolieGirl · 08/03/2007 13:40

while they go skiing i mean...they jet off leaving their newborn with a young aupair who has only been with them 2 weeks. Unbelieveable.

JolieGirl · 08/03/2007 13:39

I just feel so sorry for this little baby. A 19 year old aupair is going to be looking after her and she only started working for the family a couple of weeks ago. Some people, I don't know how on earth they justify this sort of behaviour to themselves. I just feel sad and angry.

Original poster
looneytune · 08/03/2007 13:24

Thanks again, I emailed mum earlier and basically said it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep baby awake if they want to sleep and I also said that I personally think she could be having a growth spurt and needs more sleep. Luckily she's come back and said ok, hopefully it is that or her cold and that she doesn't mind waking in the night but hopes poor au pair isn't woken next week! She runs a b & b from home aswell as the day job so I think maybe that's part of this wanting her to sleep through?!

Yes, they are off for a week next week. Au pair started nearly 2 weeks ago, she's lovely but still, they don't really know her that well. Her mum is coming over to visit so that will help au pair a bit (she's only 19).

Strawberrysnowflake (see, used the full name this time! ) - i totally see what you are saying about routine and other mindees etc HOWEVER this is a hard one to use as it's my own ds and the other mindee is baby's sister and that's my 3 under 5 (don't have any over 5's). Makes it harder as can't use the 'affecting other mindees' as she'll just say 'I don't mind, it's only x'

I really hate it when you get a situation where mum wants something doing but you know it's best to do something else. How do you deal with it? It's hard as don't want to come across as I know better or she doesn't know how to bring a child up, just disagree with some things and don't know how to deal with it.

OP posts:
ScottishThistle · 08/03/2007 13:08

I'm a Nanny & I wouldn't keep an 11wk old Baby awake in the day, I do what's best for the Baby not the Mother!

ScottishThistle · 08/03/2007 13:07

Please don't tell me the Baby's being left with the Au-Pair for a week whilst they go skiing!?!

StrawberrySnowflakes · 08/03/2007 12:57

your doing everything right..that baby needs sleep and the mum!!..what 1 week old doesnt wake through the night??!!..she needs to have a reality check!
also you have other children there, so her 'Suggested routine' should be just that!, do what you need to do taking baby into consideration as im sure you do..who ever else said earlier was right, you are not a nanny you have other mindees to look after too..hope todays good

lunavix · 08/03/2007 12:12

let the baby sleep. it's cruel not to.

Don't worry about structuring naps, start by trying to structure the feeds and the rest will follow suit.

Are they leaving the baby with the au pair while skiing?

Original poster
looneytune · 08/03/2007 12:07

Wow, thanks guys. Between you, people at toddler group and at nursery (they could see me trying to wake her for a feed), you ALL say what I already thought. I fed ds when he wanted feeding and let him sleep when he wanted to sleep but apart from ds, I've never looked after such a little one so it's hard to know what the 'norm' is. I also think that baby mindee is probably having more sleep as maybe a growth spurt and she was early so probably catching up.

Anyway, I feel better about knowing that I can't do the impossible BUT what do I say to the mum? I think the sleeping through the night/not sleeping through the night isn't necessarily as a result of what she's done in the day?

Au pair collecting tonight and I don't have them again til Tues next week and it will be au pair dropping off and picking up as parents off skiing for the week. SO, next time I'll actually SEE mum is the week after next.

I think I'll email mum saying that I've tried very hard but she's just insisted on sleeping this morning. Next week I'll just do what I think as it's not actually mum who'll be dealing with it all and then I'll see how it goes for the following week.

Mum did email me today with a suggested structured routine which I thought was great (timing wise etc) but I think it's going to be very hard to keep awake and make her have the feeds at set times as I've tried today and she was so not interested in having the milk when I tried it.

I just hate letting parents down but what else can i do. This tiny baby just wants to sleep!!!

OP posts:
Mumpbump · 08/03/2007 10:16

PS - sounds to me like the mum wants a nanny who will work around her baby!! If I sent my ds to a childminder, I would expect him to have to fit in with the childminder to some extent.

Mumpbump · 08/03/2007 10:15

Tell the mum that if the baby is overtired, it is possible that she will be less settled overnight. Ds used to stay awake for most of the day, but was a complete nightmare to deal with in the evening. Once he was more settled in the day, he was much easier in the evening. Plus it's not good for them. They need lots of sleep at that age and they do most of their growing during their sleep. If she wants her baby to grow well, that's another argument for making sure she has naps during the day.

saltire · 08/03/2007 10:11

She is expecting you to keep an 11 week old baby awake all day.
it's impossible

ScottishThistle · 08/03/2007 10:10

Totally agree with JolieGirl, it's very unlikely that the fact she was awake most of the day was the reason she slept all night.

Babies who sleep/feed well in the day (obviously not all day) tend to sleep better at night.

JolieGirl · 08/03/2007 10:05

I don't think the Mum has got a bloody clue personally. An 11 week old CANNOT physically stay awake for most of the day. A young baby needs plenty of rest, I woud say at that ages at least every 2 hours especially if they have a cold. Utterly selfish of her IMO just so she can get a better night.

Original poster
looneytune · 08/03/2007 09:43

Just about to shoot to toddler group but very quick question..........

Idea's for keeping 11 week old baby awake for most of the day???

The awful day I had on Tuesday resulted in a great night for mum, baby slept til 7.30ish BUT, my good day yesterday with baby settled and having more rest resulted in baby waking twice in the night

So, mum has asked me to keep baby awake as much of the day as possible. I'm worried as I did try this yesterday for fear of mum having a bad night and when baby wanted to sleep, there was no waking her. We tried all sorts. I just think that if baby wants her sleep (she's got a cold too) then she's going to sleep but I'm worried about mum getting annoyed thinking I've not tried.

So, ANY IDEA'S?

Will be back after lunch to see all your clever idea's!

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Original poster
looneytune · 07/03/2007 16:06

Sorry guys, had every intention of coming back to this thread last night but ended up falling asleep at 8pm!!!! I NEVER fall asleep so early, was one of those days!

SS, got the teethers in place but don't think I'll be needing them yet (today been a dream, will explain in mo). As for feeding, I agree that she's probably being sick due to too much. One of the cartons I got last week had hungry baby so I said to mum 'oh, she's on hungry baby now then' and mum's reply was 'no, just that they ran out of the normal cartons so I got what I could as the cartons (ready made) are very handy!'. I must say I was shocked at the reason as a baby should be on what they need and not what they have in the shop at the time.

I'm not going to mention change of milk, teething etc. until I see how at least tomorrow goes. Today has been great since I've found out about baby liking to sleep on playgym. I wasn't told that this had been happening at home, she originally said that she sleeps in the moses basket so of course I tried naps in that and also bouncer chair but would never have thought of placing her under all those toys when she's so tired but hey, it's deffo worked today - totally different baby!!!

JennaJ - thanks for the support, yesterday was truely awful, especially the afternoon as sister was over tired and really grumpy, turned out she hardly slept at weekend - why don't people pass this important information on??!! Helps to know! ANYWAY.......feeling much better today I actually found having the 4 under 4's easier as at least my ds and the other nearly 4 year old played together in their own make believe world. Harder now she's gone as ds of course nagging me as bored He ended up getting every single teddy from his bedroom to cheers the girls up which was very sweet of him I thought, especially considering between them they made sure ds had NO mummy time.

Blodwen - I may well end up doing that if today is a one off good day! Yesterday's dinner wasn't a difficult time consuming one, just peeled/washed potato's, broccoli and cauliflower, bunged into steamer with salmon steak and peas and left them all steaming. It's just that 10 mins of doing that I had baby screaming. TBH, even reheating food already on the plate would take about that time as I'd have to get them out, unwrap and microwave them. I just need to learn to ignore the crying a bit more Hopefully I won't have an issue with tonights dinner. Going to put jacket potato's in oven shortly and baby SHOULDN'T want her next bottle til at least 5.30pm [fingers crossed]

kelly1978 - yes, i'm to leave her to cry and not feel bad BUT, not been like that at all today as settling on playgym so fingers crossed I'll be ok. Yes she has a dummy but not very often and it keeps falling out anyway. Going to avoid using it unless I have to as it's worse having to run back and forth putting dummy back in her mouth!

Mizzy - thanks to you too. fingers crossed this new information from mum will sort most of the problem out as she's been great with the bottles too - sure it was a comfort feeding to get off to sleep type thing! Sorry to cut short, all useful advice , just got to get baby's sister as she's just woken up!

Please god let all days be like today and NEVER again like it has been!

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