Boss ignoring my (entirely reasonable) holiday requests

what happened OP?

crap and mean not to be flexible with you, that is.

Very unreasonable behaviour on the part of the employer. Unless you've picked a date where she's travelling etc or there is some other exceptional situation I can't see what her beef is on this occasion. But more broadly - that's just how it goes, of course you have to give your nanny flexibility on holidays and/or agree at the time of employment if you have serious limitations. Two teachers, for example, are likely to want holidays in school holidays only but you would expect them to state that when they took you on. You can then say yay or nay, this works for me or it doesn't. I think it's crap and mean.

Unless have in contract 50:50 then she can give you all holiday dates

If she owes you 3 days then when you see her in the evening talk to her

Say the dates you want. Then if she says no ask her what dates she can suggest ?

Email is good once you have confirmed details so have hard copy of it but easier to talk face to face while negotiating

I have been a nanny employer for 9 years and I think your boss is being completely unreasonable. It should be in your contract that you each nominate 50% of your holiday days, but even if it isn't, that's just the etiquette when you have a nanny! Mostly she is being unreasonable not to respond to your messages or communicate properly with you, and to avoid the topic as it doesn't suit her. She isn't respectful that you have a life outside your work, and I think that's just awful. I really hope you get it sorted!

I think you are perfectly reasonable. Maybe arrange a time to talk when children aren't around. Explain as you have explained here. A reasonable employer would see your perspective and good nannies are worth appeasing.

Well perhaps just email and state the obvious - I have xx days leave to take by mid September, presumably y days in August whilst charge is away.

When would it be agreeable for me to take the others days? If she has no intention of letting you take any others at least you'll know and guess your weekend away will be as soon as your contract ends!

If the job ends in September how many days have you left to take before then? At this rate I expect she's rather not let you take them and pay you off!

Since your contract doesn't specify I would choose a date, give a months notice if date and state unless you hear otherwise within the next week you will assume the dates are fine. We employed a nanny for two years and her contract was drawn up to allow two weeks of her choice and two weeks of our choice. We always have her extra days too work d out between us! You sounds like you have been flexible, maybe it's now her turn!

Just remember to sort this out when signing your contract for your next job. Unfortunately at the moment she can choose, but is being very immature not having a simple conversation about it.

I think you need to accept that your job - the very essence of it - is to support your charge's mother so that she can lead her life. The comparison between your needs and your boss making special arrangements when her sister comes to stay is invalid.

Is her job something that can be tricky to get holiday from? When you take holiday she has to cover that in some way, so maybe she can't get the days off herself. However it does not sound as though there is much communication going on, you need to talk about it, try to see it from each others view point.

I'm a nanny employer and our contract is set up so that we pick half the days each (as I understood that was standard - the few other people I know who have nannies all work this way I think). We have always stuck to that give or take a day (e.g. our nanny wanted to go Wednesday-Wednesday and we said yes - didn't insist that she couldn't pick another full week at another time of year). It's worked fine for us. Sounds like the law doesn't give you a right to this if it's not in the contract.

It sounds like she is being very unreasonable, but if PP are correct about the legal position, I guess how hard you are going to push it will depend on how willing you would be to leave if she isn't reasonable.

I would at least try to get her to pin down what her position is: is she really saying that she wants to nominate all the holiday, and is not willing to give you a choice over all of it? Or is she just being a bit crap at thinking about dates, and she is in fact willing to let you nominate at least, say, a week a year?

Then at least you will know where you stand and can make a decision to stay or look for something else.

Legally you have no right to take holiday when you want to. She has every right to decide when you take all of your holiday. However, she must ensure that you get the opportunity to take all of your holiday and must give you adequate notice if she is refusing leave. That means that she must give you twice as much notice as the leave you request. So if you request 2 weeks holiday, you must ask at least a month beforehand, and she must say no immediately. If you ask for 1 day of AL, she only had to give 2 days of notice that she wasn't allowing it.

Thing is though that your employer can dictate all your holiday dates. You do not have an automatic right to take them when you wish

I've just learnt the hard way that this is true.

However that's no excuse for her ignoring your requests, whether it's to say yes or no. That's just rude.

I think you're absolutely entitled to take your small holiday when you like and it's a shame after working for someone for three years she doesn't feel she can accommodate you. In all honesty I've been a nanny for over twenty years and never taken a holiday when I've chosen to. Sometimes you give and give but don't get much in return. Hope you get it sorted and stick to your guns.

Talk to her! She's being really unreasonable not replying to her, but you're not being assertive enough here.

You need to make it clear what you want, and get her to give you a date by which you can confirm.

Yes it should be a two way thing and a decent employer would, unfortunately she doesn't seem to be a decent employer and as long as you do get your full entitlement she can insist it is all at times to suit her. No it isn't fair but it is legal.

Thing is the employer is actually dictating something that should have made part of the job offer and contract.

The employer is being very unreasonable to just avoid this subject and not have a discussion with her nanny. Even if the end result is that she will only be allowed to take leave when it suits the employer the nanny needs to know this not be given false hope, strung along etc.

I wonder if the reluctance to have this conversation is that she is afraid of losing a great nanny!!!! Perhaps an increase in salary to compensate for only get school holiday time off could be negotiated so both parties compromise?