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Original poster

Our New Nanny Just Quit

39 replies

5amisnotmorning · 05/01/2017 07:29

Just looking for opinions on what we can do differently?
Our current nanny is going on mat leave for a year, I arranged our new nanny to start yesterday with a 2 day handover woth our old nanny. My husband also worked at home yesterday as he does normally on a Wednesday.
Our new nanny has text me this morning to say that the job isn't for her and she was made to feel unwelcome yesterday. I wasn't there but it was a difficult day - my first day back at work, first day back at school for the 5 year old and the 2 year old was very clingy to DH but settled after about 30 minutes.

It might not have been a morning of sitting chatting with me about routines etc but was I unreasonable to expect her to just get on and learn from the nanny there? I don't have capacity at the moment to have a day off work. I also need to make sure this doesn't happen again though and need to find a new nanny to start next Wednesday...

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OVienna · 06/01/2017 21:05

She may have quite fixed views as to what works for her.

I bet a perm job came through but-

I am a little curious about what your nanny said to her about how much time she was taking off though. I would definitely check the message is consistent. My money is on it's possibly something your current nanny said- however inadvertently.

Lunde · 06/01/2017 12:01

I can see this from both sides.

It sounds as though it was an unfortunately chaotic day for her first day with a lot of adults dropping in and out and unsettled children, - the children may have been more upset than usual with a stranger instead of you for your first day after Christmas, DH who is not "amazing with people" popping in and out and leaving hysterical kids behind, and then your existing nanny - rather than showing new nanny how she deals with this sort of situation - leaves new nanny with the hyper children to "bond" while she folds the laundry upstairs in peace and quiet.

It may have, from her perspective, felt rather unwelcoming and caused her to re-evaluate whether this sort of chaos was a normal day and whether she could cope.

smearedinfood · 06/01/2017 11:42

I think you've probably had a lucky escape, I would just move on with life.

Original poster
5amisnotmorning · 06/01/2017 11:33

DH was himself at the interview so same as he would have been. I know him and know that his nature isn't very chatty but he would have been welcoming. This priority on a Wednesday is being able to work. He pops out for lunch and a play with the little one if he is around and then goes back and works. He will have a chat with the nanny if she is around and ask about what is going on. He isn't a warm and fuzzy people person but if that made her uncomfortable then it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. I don't really want to contact the nanny - I feel a bit hurt whether rightly or wrongly and would rather just leave it and deal with first day differently next time.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 06/01/2017 10:46

How was hubby at interview?

Maybe you can text or call new Nanny and ask her to clarify what she meant by not welcoming

EthelEgbert · 06/01/2017 09:53

If she's that particular about the DH then you are better off without her.

I've had a nanny agree to start and use us as a fall back for another position abroad that she was hoping to get. I only found out by total chance (friend of a friend) that she had taken the job with us 4 weeks in advance to her start date then the day she was supposed to start with us took another job in France.

It's probably nothing you did OP.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/01/2017 09:14

I agree, it does sound like there are issues with the way your dh dealt with things that morning.

Babymamamama · 06/01/2017 01:01

If your husband was there and you weren't then she felt unwelcomed by your husband. In her shoes I would do the same and not continue with the post. Gut instinct is usually right. And to work in someone's house you have to be comfortable with the scenario. To all those saying she was unprofessional well the family also need to make their nanny feel welcome. Two way street.

Yerazig · 06/01/2017 00:50

I think it's a situation where you will never know the real reason behind her quitting. But you saying your husband isn't amazing with new people is a red flag for me. But either way look at is a learning curve. Good luck with your finding a new nanny

TheClacksAreDown · 05/01/2017 17:53

Tbh if she really did quit due an insufficient welcome on the basis of what you've outlined you're better off without her.

Original poster
5amisnotmorning · 05/01/2017 17:32

I just feel bad like we are a horrible family or something!
We got her through nannyjob and she is very experienced with glowing references from her families.
Going through an agency now though.

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JeanGenie23 · 05/01/2017 16:50

You never know if she had another job offer and perhaps used that as an excuse

VilootShesCute · 05/01/2017 16:47

I think it's bloody unprofessional and rude of her to be honest. She could at least have given you some time to find someone else. What does she expect, children and busy people's lives are rushed and unpredictable, you have nothing to feel bad about op.

LightTripper · 05/01/2017 16:47

It really doesn't sound like there is any obvious reason for her to go after such a short time. I would also go with the "had another job offer" theory, but bad that she didn't give you more notice if that was the case.

My DD spent the entirety of our nanny's first interview sulking in the buggy because she wanted to go to the park (which is unlike her, but she isn't good with strangers so I guess it was a combination). I would expect most nannies to give it a bit longer than a day before deciding it wasn't going to work under the circumstances you describe.

Better luck next time!

TheClacksAreDown · 05/01/2017 16:40

I suspect she has been offered something else she prefers over your job but doesn't want to come out and say it

HoHumming · 05/01/2017 16:03

From what you have written, I don't think you did anything wrong. You were lucky she left after one day rather than waiting until your current nanny left and then quitting.

EthelEgbert · 05/01/2017 15:54

You are better off with her leaving after one day. Especially if she expects you to be there on her first day when you aren't able to be there. You arranged a handover period, your DH was there - why on earth you should be expected to be there is beyond me.

She either had another job come through or wasn't genuinely committed anyway.

Hope you find a replacement soon.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/01/2017 15:41

In the ideal world dh would say I need to work now and go to office and current nanny deal with any tears etc

Yes it's hard after xmas and time off so possibly more clingy tearful

T bh I prefer the jump in deep end approach so would have been happy with you at work and current nanny there so can interrogate her no point having 2 parents and current nanny there if you did stay there

She sounds flakey. Where did you find her? Any feedback from agency?

Original poster
5amisnotmorning · 05/01/2017 15:33

And DH is only there on a Wednesday. He does school drop offs and the nanny arrives after so little one was very upset at me not being there and that daddy was disappearing to work. He isn't normally like that as he has had me at home for a month and the disruption of Christmas but what do you do if leaving makes him very upset?

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Original poster
5amisnotmorning · 05/01/2017 15:30

Thanks all!

We had 2 face to face interviews, the second was 2 hours that she spent with me and the little one as I was keen to make sure she was comfortable with the role. It is only 2 days a week so reliability is key.
DH isn't amazing with new people but he would have been polite and welcoming. He was concentrating on trying to peel the 2yo off him so he could go and do some work!
Our current nanny is lovely and chatted to her through the day. She was very surprised when I told her. She tried to give them some space to bond so went upstairs to sort some clothes out after asking her if she was ok with that. She isn't the type to boss anyone around!

I did worry about not being there to say hi and make her feel welcome but I have to work and she can't come any of the other days.

I would think our current nanny would describe us as good employers. We pay well, we treat her fairly and act as we would want to be treated. We are fairly chilled out so as long as the children are happy and fed the rest is pretty easy.

I think with hindsight she was looking to have a warm welcome with me instead of a bit of getting on with it with someone there to ask questions of. I will try and ask whoever is next how they would like to do settling in although she did agree to this and we discussed it at the second interview.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 05/01/2017 14:26

Weird. What did current nanny and dh say?

It is hard having a parent work at home as not that we nannies do anything different but that the children usually play up more - winge and wine and parents come out and gets harder ....

TBH why did dh come out. The preg current nanny was there she should have sorted it out

Maybe new nanny felt that dh would always pop out .......

Wonder why unwelcome?

Better you find out now rather then weeks into job

Is nanny coming back with baby? So job is for a year

Least a year is guaranteed. I know friend (and once myself) started a job and 2/3mth later mum quit work as missed baby

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/01/2017 14:17

Ah,I missed the part where the OP said it was temporary,it could well be she found a full time job.

exercisejunkie · 05/01/2017 13:14

My guess is that a permanent non temp position came up and she only intended to come for one day! That or your current nanny is amazing and she knew she couldn't possibly be the same so felt overwhelmed and just walked!! Ha ha
I'm a nanny and do way more than some nannies do, god help the person who comes in after me....not that they will yet, I love the family I work for! Brilliant employers and fantastic children, which is why I do over and above!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/01/2017 11:18

I'm guessing and going on my own experience,not saying the OP is like that iyswim.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/01/2017 10:45

Not sure what they mean by not being made welcome. Wonder what they were expecting

I read that as the nanny 'politely criticising' the way in which the OP treats her employees ,ie like 'staff' possibly.