Thinking about an au pair. Could anyone share tips and experiences please?

OP from experience of my own teen working as an au pair it works best if you are clear about your expectations. It will also help to be realistic. If you advertise for a teenager it will be a huge responsibility for them to drive children to and from school, particularly if they are from abroad and have limited experience of driving on the left hand side of the road. Therefore if you want a driver it may be wise for you to consider someone who has experience.

A teenager will also have limited childcare experience and will need time to adjust. My dd is working as an au pair and her family do not expect her to cook, clean, babysit and do the laundry for the money they pay her. I like the fact that dd helps the family out by getting the children up dressed and fed and walked to school and spends all evening with them 5 days a week until they go to bed.

During the day an au pair can attend a language school if needed, but that would not be possible if they had lots of chores to do on top of childcare. My dd has made lots of au pair friends and some say to her their families expect too much and treat them very badly which the girls feed straight back to the agency from where they were recruited.

Do you definitely need a driver?

We thought we did, but then the car insurance would have been astronomical. It didn't make sense. We kept an open mind and found our ap on aupair world. She didn't want to drive in the uk. She's really happy using the crappy bus service in our town. We give her lifts as needed. Only infrequently and only as convenient to us.

She didn't need language school either.

I am on my third au pair and all have been amazing. I recruit through an agency, they have been 18 but ultra resposonsible. I think you need to revise down the minimum age you will accept.
Au pairs have enhanced our lives and given us brilliant flexibility

Sleeper - we have had 2 au pairs both of whom were 18 when they started and turned 19 during their year with us. They were both required to drive, so we had to put them on the insurance. We just renewed and I think it was about £800 or £900 for the year. We also pay for 3 driving lessons when they first get here, and the AA instructor takes them on routes they will be driving with the children.

(We used to have a nanny, who cost over £20k a year in salary, tax, car insurance etc so balancing au pair car insurance and pocket money against that may skew my perspective...)

We have recruited through an agency and I've found them very good. Again, it's a cost we could avoid but we both have very long hours jobs so having someone do the initial sorting makes sense for us. The prospective au pairs have to have done a fair bit of work to complete their side of the application, so I think that already takes out those who had a lazy afternoon to fill and just replied to a couple of ads online... Happy to PM you the details if you want them.

One thing I'd add to what has already been said, is that when they start you need to go into things enormous detail. You almost can't give too much detail. I didn't do that with our first au pair - gave her a weekly schedule similar to the nanny. So, e.g., it said "school finishes at 3:30. Monday - ballet, 4-5; Tuesday swimming 4:30 - 5" etc. I found after two weeks she was really floundering, we had a good chat and I provided her with a schedule that said something like:
"Monday. 3:20 - leave home. 3:30 - fetch from school. 3:30 - 4pm - drive to ballet, X changes for ballet. 4pm - 5pm - X at ballet, you and Y go to library and do spelling. 5pm - 5:15 - drive home."
I was worried she'd find that patronising but actually she loved it, and of course after 2 months she didn't need that much detail and was far more at ease. (This may not apply if you get an older AP.)

Good luck! As so many have said, a good au pair is a great addition to the family and a huge help to busy parents.

Our insurance with Admiral multicar on a VW Golf is fine as long as they are over 22 and have been driving for 4 years. I also state that they have to be regular drivers.

I'd take your profile off for a couple of weeks, whilst the pool of potentials re-fills then re-write and put on some new pictures.

Bit late to the party but we've had two au pairs, one was a short placement during her uni holidays. Both were from small towns and the short placement was actually intimidated by our city (Manchester) so i don't think rural is an issue. Most applicants do seem to want London (having said that) but there will be some looking for outdoors rural places.

We have only had one au pair but she has been with us for 9 months (and gone home to Spain during the summer and Christmas holidays). We chose an older au pair - 28 - who really wanted to concentrate on her studies. She has been absolutely wonderful, so much so I could go on and on for hours! She is not a great cook but she just has to make 4 evening meals for the kids so something simple is absolutely fine. For me the most important thing was that she could use common sense and her own initiative. She has a great social life with other au pairs and students from her college in the area (outskirts of London). From the conversations of her friends a common complaint/ reason for au pairs to seek new families is an unreasonable expectation of hours. Ours does before and after school (8-9 and 3-6) 4 days a week and offers 2 evenings which we don't always use. She is very happy to do extra but I don't ask unless it's to watch the kids while I pop to the corner shop and she's in anyway. I think it's important to remember they are not supposed to be working full time and may get fed up if they're expected to, especially if they don't get time to study,

Good luck! The freedom from stress if my train is late is worth it alone, plus the kids absolutely love her.

Some great advice on here.

The only additional advice I can add is that once your au-pair arrives:

• State your expectations clearly
• Run through a contract with her
• Take a day off so that you demonstrate a typical day with her
• Expect your au-pair to do some jobs a lot slower or less efficiently than you (although this can get better)
• You'll know within 3 days if your Au Pair fits in with your family - trust your instincts
• An au pairs job broadly consists of childcare, housework and cooking. An AP is rarely good at all three areas but should be brilliant in at least one of these
• If an AP needs reminding of the same thing over and over again, get rid
• If an AP does not work out for any reason, part company as soon as possible. Don't make excuses and don't hope that things will get better. They don't. A bad AP will never get any better. Although it is a pain getting rid and going through the whole re-hiring process, remember that there are so many great APs that it is not worth putting up with a bad AP.

Brilliant advice from Stalingrad

In case it's helpful here is a note of recruiting which I sent to a friend.

"The first thing I would say about recruiting through the au pair world site is that you must be specific about what you want. If you are clear from the outset about duties, hours, housework and how much you will include the au pair in your family then you are more likely to find an au pair who will be happy when she arrives and who will stay and work well with your family.

As a London family you will be inundated with applicants. Decide on a just a few countries you want to recruit from and limit your criteria to those countries. Also decide an age range and ask for applicants only from that range. I personally have had good experiences with Germans, there is a real culture of au pairing as a gap year activity in Germany. Having said that I currently go only for English speaking countries as my youngest is learning to talk.

I look for young au pairs. I choose 18/19 year olds as I would prefer to teach them how I like things rather than have them come with lots of pre-set ideas, plus I find younger au pairs easier to live with. But it's personal choice.

On au pair world I delete all applicants that don't write a bespoke message when they contact me (some use generic messages generated by the site). If their message doesn't mention my kids I delete them, I want them to show they have really connected with what I have written in our profile. This immediately leaves me with a long list. I then email a few basic questions:

Why do you want to be an au pair?
Why London?
Tell me more about your childcare experience.
What kind of relationship do you want with your host family?

If I like their answers, and they ask good questions in return, then we arrange to Skype. On Skype the key is deciding whether you have a rapport. Au pairs become part of your family, you spend a lot of time with them, so rapport is important.

Think carefully what kind of person you want. For example, do you hope they will go out a lot and give you space? If so look for someone who is obviously outgoing and sociable. But consider whether returning from late night parties will bother you. On Skype I ask the following:

Why did you choose au pairing over other gap year activities?

What kind of activities would you do with the kids on a rainy day?

How would you deal with the kids fighting with each other?

What's your approach to discipline?

Can you cook?

What do you like to cook?

Is there anything you don't eat?

I ask for light housework. Are you comfortable with this?

Are you a naturally tidy person?

What were your own hobbies in school?

What do you hope to do after au pairing?

How much time do you want to spend with us as a family?

What do you hope for from your year in London?

How will you spend you spare time?

How will you make friends in London?

Have you lived away from home before? Did you get homesick?

If I like their answers I bring the kids in and let them Skype and watch how they interact with the kids. Then I make an offer which includes a clearly written set of hours and tasks plus pay and holiday details. Having au pairs has been amazing for us. Our kids love them and I find the flexibility of live-in help is a god send. I hope that is helpful. Good luck with your search!

As Londoners we get a lot of responses on au our world so I set my filters tight to limit who applies. I don't know whether it would be different in a more rural area. Put lots of info and photos on your ad. I imagine that needing a driver will naturally limit who can apply.

I filter for only Canadians, NZ or Aussies as I want English speaking while my children are very little and learning to talk. 18-20 years old. Female. Non smoking.

If you're not in a big city, what is public transport like? If they want to go out with friends in the evening, how will they get there? Obviously if they have to drive then they won't be able to drink. How will they get around at weekends? Likewise, how will they get to language lessons or the gym? If you give them access to the car, is this just for work purposes or could they take a bunch of friends out for the day in your car? We consider an au pair every few months but the maths just doesn't work for us as we would have to buy, insure, tax, service and pay for petrol for a third car (DH and I both drive 45mins in opposite directions to work).
Again, if you live in a town, who will they make friends with? Do other families have au pairs? Is there a student population?
We live in a large village but there are no amenities within walking distance & only a couple of families have au pairs. I know the mum of one family & she gets her next au pair over for a week in June each year to really see what it is like. Yes, this costs her a few hundred pounds but she has never had an au pair leave early. She also agrees to pick the au pair up once a week provided it is before midnight and to pay for a taxi home once a week as she would rather do that and have the au pair out than always have her at home.

Sorry replying to the other bit- how long does it take to organise ... if you go on aupairworld you can put in your criteria when you want them to join. I found someone in December to start in January.

Language classes - varies - my Spanish one, we found her some classes. She paid herself. Polish one, didn't bother with classes, she volunteered in Oxfam.

There are plenty of old threads on here to check out, plus lots of tips on aupairworld.com. I would just pay the £35 fee (or whatever it is now) and explore the options. Good luck OP.

I got LOADS of responses on aupairworld. All of them saying the same thing, typically in broken English.."I think I'd be perfect for your family because of X Y Z..." It is a chore and time consuming to go through them and reply to ones you like/ Make time to Skype them to interview them etc.
I agree with all the stuff the other posters have said. Each au pair will be different though and with each one you'll have learnings for next time. Both of my au pairs were lovely (despite various niggles like I say). One has invited us to her wedding and the other spent Xmas day with us.

We are on our first au pair, he has been with us for four months. I have to say if it wasn't necessary I'd rather not have an au pair as I am not keen on sharing my home, my things, food etc.
We found him via family connections but I also had some great candidates from aupairworld.
Pros of an au pair:
Mornings! I just get yourself ready and out of the house whilst kids spend more time at home and there is no rush. I do help getting the younger one dressed though but generally having an au pair takes the stress out of mornings.
Same with evenings. No need to rush home to make it to nursery before it closes - the au pair will have already picked up the younger child.
Au pair is great with the older child, takes him swimming, to the park, museums, various activities - a million times better for our son than hours and hours at the after school club.
Au pair can help with some chores like the children's laundry.
And babysitting on tap!
Cons:
Sharing the house!
You never know which food is still left in the fridge..
Loss of privacy. Whilst our au pair is discrete a friend of mine had one who constantly spent time in the lounge with her and her DH. Yes they say it should be a family member etc but you still need some time for yourselves!
Most au pairs are still very young and you have to teach them things like health and safety, how to handle household goods, cooking etc
When recruiting I decided not to go for the candidates that had housekeeping, childcare experience, I went for the one I liked the most on a personal level. Whilst a lot of teaching was required I still would do it the same way again. The person will need to fit into your family.
Good luck!

Sorry I found via aupairworld.com which is essentially like match.com for finding an au pair...

I've had two au pairs. The first was Spanish, 20 here for 4 months. The second, Polish, 26, here for about 6 months. Both positive experiences on balance. There are pros and cons..e.g. Niggles when one didn't wash up, or they ate all the cereal and didn't tell me to buy more, or had visitors round..but on balance I'd say they were both lovely and helped me out loads. You really can't tell what it will be like until they come, and for the second au pair you'll have learnings from the first and so on and so forth. Having someone living in my house though was fine- I live in a small three bed semi and the au pair had the box room.

We found all our au pairs via au pair world or workaway (but offer to pay pocket money if you go through workaway!!!)

Make your advert very clear (describing children, family life, (including your Sundays), exact duties expected and hours, house location, etc) just read through other peoples adverts and then write your own and add photo's.

Once you've posted your ad, then have a bit of an email exchange with the ones who show enthusiasm for your family (I loved your advert and I think I'd be a great fit for your family because....).

Once I've narrowed it down to my favourite few candidates I then do a Skype interview and really question them on why they want to be an au pair (so are they keen to live abroad and have an adventure, are they wanting to perfect their spoken English, are they running away from their home country because their boyfriend just dumped them and they are sad about it and want to be miserable and lick their wounds in your house for a few months ).

I go for my gut feeling and its been great 4/5 times (the one who was recently dumped was a cloud of doom the entire time she was with us).

Really think about the type of personality and character traits you need. So if you have super noisy energetic DC then a shy person may get overwhelmed, etc.

If you want a driver get someone over 25 as insurance will be significantly cheaper. We don't need a driver, but I've known families to then pay for a few hours in a car with a UK driving instructor just to get them used to driving on the wrong side of the road, etc)

Our criteria (after having had 5 au pairs) are

Must already speak a very good level of English, so we look for people who want to perfect their fluency rather than total beginners (yes I know its a language exchange but my DC ptrefer someone who they can easily communicate with)

Must have much younger siblings - that way they have already witnessed a toddler running round the house wearing pants on their head, shoving peas up his nose, and other toddler shenanigans and are not completely baffled by my rather lively Ds.

Must have lived away from family home before

Must not have a million dietary requirements, we had a lactose intolerant au pair and that was fine,but we don't host vegans. Or if you are all vegetarian, then try and find someone who doesn't love eating meat.