Au pair took drugs. WWYD?

It's a difficult one, I've never taken drugs, but for someone to have a fit sounds like an extreme reaction, so I'd be guessing it's her first and likely last time.
I know a few people who have used drugs 'recreationally' and been teaching or nursing the next day, but I don't know how fit they were for the job in hand, but I'm thinking give her another chance, if you strongly believe it was a one off due to being 19.

Lol lots of workplaces do random blood tests. I was once told to do a drugs test at a former workplace, I'd have been sacked if I'd failed it. We worked with machinery and it was very important that we did not take illegal substances at all.

If OP ignores this major warning sign then she can't blame anyone but herself if the au pair fucks up again. Oh and as for the poster who said that they'd be worried if it was an addictive drug, really? So say au pair takes E every weekend, that's not a drug problem? Some of you guys need to acquaint yourselves with a bit of info on drugs and their potential effects.

If OP herself was getting off her face and if social services were informed by someone then OP risks losing her kids, so why would the druggie au pair keep her job?

The real question is whether you'll be able to trust her again, completely, with your children - or will it always be at the back of your mind? If it's the latter you should probably find someone new.

My parents decided, in their wiseness, to give a recovering heroin addict a second chance. Six months in they went away for the weekend, leaving 6 year old me and my 3 year old sister in her care. She overdosed, and died. We were alone in the house with her body for 24 hours. (The long term affects of this have been nil incidentally, as I simply don't remember it.) But drugs are, well, not great.

I think you have to look at the situation objectively and figure out what the problem is.

Are you against these kinds of substances in principle? Does it offend you morally? As an au pair is close to the family, those kinds of things do matter, but arguably you could employ an au pair who manages to keep their drug use on the down low and you might never find out. It could be a case of "better the devil you know" with this one. It depends on your point of view. Most people I know experimented with party drugs at 19-20 and they have all grown into responsible adults, bar a couple who had other things going on in terms of mental health.

Are you in shock because you feel like the girl isn't the person you thought she was? Almost like it's your own child who's been taking drugs. This is something that will likely ease over time.

Is it purely a safety issue - re:looking after kids the day after? If that's true, I'd bear in mind that you were OK with her smoking weed and drinking heavily. 19-year-olds still haven't completed neuro-development (ends around age 25) and are more likely to be impulsive than older adults, so this was a risk. It seems your risk assessment missed that variable.

It sounds like she's had a shit night and was one of those kids who is unlucky. Plenty of others "get away" with taking drugs because they never have a bad reaction.

But your kids are your priority. You could insist that she never does it again and give her a second chance. But what would be the cost if she blew that one? What's the risk to your kids? Would she be more likely to lie in the future if she knew that being found out would cost her her job?

It might be that the trust is gone and you need to move on.

Dutch - why would the OP's children be seriously hurt? If the AP hadn't had a serious reaction, the OP would never have even known.

I don't think it's any worse than getting massively pissed personally but then as I said, I don't subscribe to the general MN handwringing about drugs. I suspect you and I are never going to see eye to eye - just as your bad experiences have coloured your POV, my good ones have coloured mine :)

But any other job they wouldn't know that she'd taken drugs while she was off duty. This is one of the only roles in which the line between 'at work' and 'your own time, off duty, with no responsibilities' is so blurred.

If it was the only time it had happened and you genuinely have no other concerns about her performance then I wouldn't sack her, no.

And hopefully while striking that second chance out op kids are not seriously hurt. linda

Then op can torment herself it's her fault...

BTW she would be sacked from any other job as a direct result.

Your kids are more important than a dodgy au pair who obviously can't act in a responsible Manner herself, so how is she supposed to act responsibly for your children?

Put your children first and sack her.

She's an au pair. Not in charge of the World Bank.

I'd have her back on a 2 strikes and you're out basis. If she ever shows signs of even being hung over on a day when she has sole care, then that's a binnable offence.

I would give her a second chance especially since your gut feeling seems to be that she is honest and she appears to be a hard worker and to genuinely care about your children.
Stress that your main concern is that she is responsible for the children and ingesting any drugs may affect their safety because she can't be sure how she will be affected.
After all if you sack her and get another au pair how can you be sure what she may do in her spare time? At least now you know the situation with the current girl and if you feel she is honest and trustworthy and is now aware of the danger of drugs you are on safe ground

I would give her another chance, but if she's due to work on Tuesday give that one a miss.

OP at the end of the day you're the only one here that knows her, knows your family dynamic with and without her and can properly assess the pros and cons. It's a really difficult situation and easy to jump to conclusions of what you'd do when you're not there. Have a chat with her when she's home to get a better idea of what you think and take a couple of days to have a think.

Tbh I'm torn on this one. If it really was a stupid mistake I'd maybe give her another chance but agree some ground rules with her mutually for a period of time to see if you can trust her again, so no getting plastered on a night before having the kids, maybe even insisting she form new friendship groups (I haven't thought this through btw these are to start the ball rolling)....

The OP doesn't have that moral pedestal to look down from though
No, but she wasn't an Au pair at the time.

If the au pair had not ended up in A&E would you have known and would you be worrying? Or would you just think that you were glad she went out and met some people of her own age?

I think suggesting someone invades someone else's body space is an issue whether it's a bluff or not.

I think you should give her a second chance, but make her aware how angry and disappointed with her you are.

Love all those vehemently anti-drugs posters. Try some, you might loosen up a little

I took a lot of drugs in my teens. It put me in very unsafe bad situations. It caused the start of my anxiety and it put a couple of my friends on a MH ward. So yeah I'm pretty anti drugs now.

hollieberrie No not the same, but you've dodged my point... Do you really think a teacher can't be sacked for something they do in their own time? Really?

Yeah thought not.

She could call her bluff ilove and I fail to see what the issue would be?

soup Id put the safety of my kids over any chance of hypocracy. What a bizzare stance!

I'd keep her because she's lovely with your children, it was the first time she'd taken it (and probably the last) and I really don't think it means she isn't capable of looking after your children. She made a mistake but she was on her own time. And poor her, I bet she was terrified,meshes only 19 (same age as one of my children).

Honestly, there's always so much bosom hoiking on mn about drugs, it's really irritating. Don't listen to the hysteria on this thread.

Er... i don't think doing recreational drugs is exactly the same as rape is it..

Love all those vehemently anti-drugs posters. Try some, you might loosen up a little.

Go with your gut OP. If you have been there yourself when younger then i would say give her chance. We've all been 19 and done silly things.

drugs are a complete no no for me

The OP doesn't have that moral pedestal to look down from though.

I can't believe anyone seriously thinks it's appropriate to tell her you'll be doing drug tests on her hair.