Au pair took drugs. WWYD?

soup why do you keep ignoring the fact that it's the after effect of the drug that's the issue? Do you honestly believe that the AP would have been straight even though you have claimed you have read the side effects?

So you really wouldn't care if your CC provider was on a come down while you were dropping your kids off?

No, It's not like a hang over or still being pissed at work. It can be fucking dangerous. Yep some people might ride a come down easily but most people have issues and why would you risk that? Are you a regular drug user? Serious question that.

If I employ some one to look after my children, I do not want them to be irritable, tired or depressed - possibly flash backs, memory loss, lack of concentration because they chosen to take an illigal drug. These are not figs she is looking after.

I took Es from when I was 14 - 25. Has some fantastic night, some fucking dodgy ones and some appalling come downs. Me and my friends used to call it suisidal Wednesday because that's when our real come down would hit and our heads would be up our arse. By Saturday we would be fine and back on it again.

Just shocked that some posters think that 'one little pill' is an issue. Tbf in my experience we could have any where between 1-5 depending on the strength. One pill taken at 9pm won't keep you going till 6am.

Sorry WhatThe my PM went through numerous times but wasn't telling me! Didn't mean to spam you

If the agency can find you someone else within days I'd be wondering about their vetting processes.

It all sounds rather "easy come easy go" to me. I hope your next venture proves more successful.

I think suspecting your AP parties too hard and actually knowing they do means you have to let her go.

I hope your AP is ok. I'm going to PM you.

Personally, if I were caring for someone else's children I wouldn't party like that, and I'm one of those people who thinks all drugs should be decriminalised.

Whilst I understand that she's young and wants to have a life, I think that she should take on different employment for now.

My friends and I, at that age, were working as waitresses and in other roles where we were not directly responsible for anyone. If we went into work on a comedown/hangover and did a bad job, we would have been sacked but no damage would've been done to anybody. The worst that could happen would be a dropped plate or something put into the till incorrectly, and the only person who would have suffered would have been us as a result of our managers' wrath.

I turned 21 and began working in the NHS. All drinking and drug use ended for me overnight. It was a personal decision because I felt it was the right thing to do. If she can't decide that for herself, she is too immature to be an au pair at the moment.

When you take on an au pair, you are taking on a teenager. You get to save costs compared to a professional nanny, but you have to accept that teenagers do silly things from time to time. Like a lot of people here, I've experimented with drugs in my teens and it did me no harm - this girl was just unlucky and got caught out. She took the drugs away from your home and on her night off, not around your children. If you do decide to get rid of her, then you might well regret it as she sounds like a wonderful, one in a million type of aupair. I always think of au pairs as being like nieces. If your niece had come to stay with you and was going to look after your kids the next day, how would you react if she'd taken drugs the night before? That, to me, would be my guide as to how I'd act.

Why would you need a replacement so soon, is there a reason you can't look after the dc on your own for a while like health issues?

If you can afford it, book her into a cheap, but not nasty, hotel as soon as you get a new au pair. Hopefully the experience of ending up in hospital and losing her job will make her wise up. She's young and has made a stupid mistake, but will hopefully have learnt from it, but you can't put your children at risk, OP. It's a very sad situation for everyone involved, but she was the one that caused it.

To be fair if you have a serious talk with her this morning whilst she's on a come down I imagine that might be off putting enough.

Is keep her. I worked in a nursery for a few years around my late teens early twenties and took plenty of drugs. Went raving most weekends. I was still with it and capable at work, never caused any problems. It doesn't make her a terrible person.
Now years later I do have a occasional babysitter who's 20 and I'm pretty sure she enjoys nights out like I had. I have no worries about her care of my children and I have spoken to her about staying safe whilst she's out.
I'd give her the hard word that any suspicions when the children are about them she will be on her way.

If the trust is gone, it's gone. But a party animal (and someone who stays out until 6am is just that) probably isn't in the right headspace to be an AP.

Can you cope on your own for a few weeks and take unpaid leave from work if you need to cover her hours? I assume it would take you a couple of weeks to find someone else.

I'd forgotten but I remember years ago that my colleague came home unexpectedly from a night away to find their AP had paid someone else to babysit while she went out clubbing! Her replacement was a devout Christian

I think it's the right decision Op . I hope this is a massive lesson to her for her own safety.

I hate drugs and the damage they do to families .

I was very much on the side of giving her a second chance but now you say she stays out until 6am I'd be more suspicious that this is a more regular occurance, and I think youRe doing the right thing.

I think you've made the right decision. Presumably she wasn't able to look after your children at 3pm the next day due to being hospitalised, due to taking drugs, so therefore her drug use has affected her ability to work. It is a sad situation but maybe you're doing her a big favour in the long run. Perhaps for future au pairs you could/should have a stipulation in the contract so they know what you deem to be acceptable behaviour around drug and alcohol use.

It's definitely the first time she's got caught

I don't think you can believe she hasn't done it before. I agree, lovely as she may be, I think she has to go.

19 seems very young to be caring for someone else's children. Partying until 6am proves she is not exactly mature for her age, she's a teenager doing what teenagers do.

When in doubt chuck it out! I couldn't leave my children to be cared for by someone else if I wasn't 100% confident they were in responsible safe hands.

What is your husbands opinion?

If you are going to sack someone for taking one pill you need to sack them if they ever drink too much

Well, yes, it's a common occurrence if it's found that it affected work.

SoupDragon Must be high herself or just plain bonkers!

Can someone explain to Soupdragon that au pairs sometimes do take kids swimming.

WhatTheDickensian I'm glad you've seen sense OP, you're doing the right thing! I'm sorry you've lost someone your children love, but it's for their own safety and your peace of mind!
Good luck with your next au pair (if you get another)

Sad but I think you're making the right decision OP