How do I ask my au pair to wash her hair???

When i was a teen i did live-in babysitting for my uncle. When i arrived i discovered the bathroom door was broken so it didnt shut tight or lock and the kids were a 'spirited' lot who would think it a bucket load of fun to come in whilst I was showering. So i didnt shower for about 3/4 days (felt grim as i was used to a daily shower) and i didnt feel comfortable asking my uncle if he could do something about it. Afterall, he and his wife were happily showering with DC running in and out. Eventually my aunt just told me i needed to shower as i hadnt since i arrived. I waited til about 10.30pm and the dcs were sleeping to be sure they wouldnt come in.

Is it possible there is something like that preventing your au pair using the shower? Does she feel safe using the bathroom? That she will have privacy?

Don't start talking about hygiene being important to your family, not using brushes etc- just do what Yvaine said and tell her to go and have a shower while you watch the kids.

And if you've never said sweetheart or darling in your life, say it now!

Yep. What Yvaine said.

Do what Yvaine suggested. Be straight but be very kind.

So she's an unqualified nanny with a bit of experience? If she is being paid as a nanny she needs to act like a nanny, and this includes having good personal hygiene, and behaving appropriately in front of the DC, for example not eating a plate full of chocolate, while the DC are expected to eat broccoli and carrots.

I would tell her this. Nicely but firmly. It would be passive aggressive, but you could ask her why she hasn't washed her hair recently, or you could just tell her you expect her to be clean, and in order to set an example to your chidlren she needs to wash her hair. Be calm, polite, but firm.

It is affecting her job!

Maybe I'm missing the point of 'setting a good example', but I would expect my child to understand that his hair is washed with xx frequency, and if an adult's hair is washed less frequently that's (in part) because they're an adult and can decide for themselves.

I only wash my hair a couple of times a week myself, so guessing some on this thread would find me an unacceptable nanny. And DS's is too fragile to wash more than weekly...

I would be wincing on the hairbrushes. But I'd say "please can you not share the children's hairbrushes". We don't share them in my family anyway.

You have to be direct with this kind of thing. Some posters might be shocked but I will hazard a guess they haven't lived with 19 year old non family members before!

If she was your daughter you would say something and you are picking up some parenting responsibility in the absence of her mum. That isn't condescending, it's the reality of living with young adults.

Coded, roundabout statements are embarrassing. Just say it matter of factly and everyone can move on.

"You are a role model for my children. That includes high standards of personal hygiene. Is there something physical preventing you from showering and hair washing daily? What can we do to help you be acceptably clean"?

I think there are two potential reasons for poor hygiene. The person is just dirty or the person has mental health problems.

I can't believe I'm reading this there you go my first

Yvaine that's what I'd do too.

Part of childcare tutoring is telling students that they must maintain standards of hygiene and dress, so it is part of the job.

I generally explain that we are here to set an example to children and washing showering keeping clean hair is part of it..

Your in is the nits if your not feeling brave....everyone in the house hold needs to be treated and that includes daily combing with conditioner and nit comb....im sure you must have worries bout one of the children so want all the family checked and combed daily for a week then at least once a week don't you.......?

I'm totally with Yvaine on this one. I had several au pairs over the years including one who, though a nice girl, had pretty dodgy hygiene standards.
No point pussyfooting around it you just need to say "while you are living with us we would like you to shower every day using soap and wash your hair every other day with shampoo. Sorry, but that is a house rule". Pleasant but firm. That is all you need to do.

My view on this was that I was effectively her mum as she was only a young adult and she needed to learn good habits which would benefit her throughout her life. I think because I was matter of fact about it she was fine with it.

If she is a nanny then call her your nanny

Does she have her own an suite?

If not and shares a bathroom then suggest a time she can shower and have a bath etc

How about just telling her straightforwardly what you've said here?
"Please don't share the children's hairbrushes when your hair isn't clean, and try to keep it neat when it isn't washed as DC are now asking to not wash their hair as they see that you don't."
That way you're not telling her what to do, but letting her know the impact she's having.

What about if you all go swimming? She might feel the need to wash it after?

I think some of the suggestions are cringe'y too.

I think I'd try and be as straight as possible - I'm not sure how appropriate it is to say something but I suppose there are lots of jobs where personal appearance is important and where it would not be ok to have greasy hair.

Tricky situation.

In situations like these, I've learned to be honest.

Beating about the bush gets you nowhere.

Just be kind about it.

I don't see the problem is just asking her, honestly I'm lazy but part of her job is setting an example to the children thus it is impacting her work and needs to be mentioned. I'm hardly a clean freak but this just isn't ok.

Cringing at some of the suggested responses here.

"Dd is going through a funny phase of not wanting her hair washed - can back me up and encourage her too please? I'm going to tell her that I wash my hair xx times a week because that's how often it needs to look and feel nice. What about you?"

If your youngest is being difficult that gives you an in - 'sorry to ask this, but X is being difficult about personal hygiene so would you make a big deal of showering/washing your hair and how important it is? It will set a good example for her.'

Referring to her as an au pair because she's young is strange. If she's a nanny, call her one.

'Personal hygiene is important to us as a family'...seriously? It's her head, not your kids'.

YANBU.

If it's unacceptable to you in terms of employment you need to phrase it as such.

'We do expect a certain level of hygiene and that means daily showers and depending on your hair type a few washes a week.'