How do I ask my au pair to wash her hair???

I notice you say it took her a few days to shower on arrival
How di you know that, do you know how often she showers now?

I would say something, I do think it's a hygiene. I'm puzzled by the pp saying you wouldn't mention dry frizzy hair, of course not, that can be clean. But if you sre positive this is grease it can't be clean.

If she's not showering or washing then... I don't know, that's just weird. As in 'don't hire this person' weird.

In any other workplace she'd be taken aside, told to buck up or lose the job. Same should apply here really. If you want to be employed, you need to do at least a few basic things, like be clean.

My hair gets washed about once a fortnight. Kids bury themselves in it regularly. No casualties yet.

Is she putting some sort of treatment on it? I am interesting in the other posters' comments about the Pill/PCOS.

The other thing I would add is are you sure that it's as greasy as you think? We had house guests from the States one summer. I wouldn't be surprised if they thought we had hygiene issues - they showered twice a day and it wasn't unusually hot nor were we doing anything strenuous. Family of four, eight showers a day, x7. TBH - I was close to asking them what sins they were trying to cleanse themselves of.

People do have different standards. Are you finding any wet towels? Does she have time in the mornings to get herself sorted?

I also wonder about the homesickness/feeling sad. What are her eating patterns like?

I don't agree, in principle, it's not any of your business though.

I am also grateful we've never had to contend with this ourselves with APs...

I would start with a general chat about how she's doing and take it from there.

What about dry shampoo too? If she is washing her hair every day and it is greasy, this might be the ideal bridge?

OP... You say, that your DD 'can't braid nanny's hair' - presumably because it's greasy? I wouldn't let your child near my hair for braiding or anything else. What sort of relationship does this woman have with your children? It sounds very informal - and it sounds as if your own lines are a bit blurry also. Surely you do things yourself that you don't want your children to do? By that token, being told to shower is something that children can expect to be told; adults not so much.

If she doesn't smell and washes her hands before food preparation then I don't think her hygiene is any of your business. My friend uses some kind of product on her hair, it's an oil, because she has frizzy hair. It always looks greasy/wet but it isn't, it's just full of product. If you are at the stage of having such a personal relationship with your nanny that you would braid her hair then a bit of grease or whatever it is, is not going to harm your daughter. If it bothers you then keep your daughter's fingers out of your nanny's hair!

I have really fond memories of brushing my grandmother's hair; it wasn't washed very often but she was my grandma and a bit of grease was nothing to me...

Tricky one. Perhaps she is trying to train her hair out of being frequently washed, in which case would some dry shampoo help perhaps? You probably do need to speak to her. You also need to be direct about it (so that she understands that it's a problem she needs to do something about) but it will be difficult without coming across as condescending/bitchy/bossy/etc.

When I was a teen my then boyfriend's sister used to talk sometimes about a chap at work or a couple she knows who chose not to wear deodorant every day and everyone else noticed smells/sweaty patches and dropped hints to them about wearing deodorant. Little did I know (until some time later) she was actually telling me this to drop hints about my deodorant usage! I didn't realise at the time that it was sometimes insufficient and I was a bit smelly and I wish someone (her/boyfriend/parent) had just told me directly! But I understand it's not an easy thing to do.

I had to tell my husband to wash his hair more often as it was sometimes smelly. He showered every day but mostly just rinsed it and only washed it once a week (ish). Blurgh. He now washes it much more frequently and it never gets smelly/dirty any more. Hurray! It felt awkward bringing it up but he took it well and did something about it.

Good luck!

Straight, direct and very very kind is the way to go.

If she's young then I think all the hints are not going to work . (From experience with a 20 year old worker,i even bought her straighteners ,) we had to just be upfront in the end and the response was why haven't you mentioned it before . Speak to the agency do they have a dress code my neice has a job where dress code is make up on , nails manicured, no roots showing, looking presentable at all times. Have the conversation openly don't blame the kids it's you who employs her tell her your expectations and standards and then she can get into a routine and she is clear about what is expected of her. Say how smart she looked at interview and that's part of what your requirements are. Pussycat footing around the issue won't help.

I personally wouldn't say anything.

It's just oil. It's not going to hurt your dd to braid it.

There's no issue here really except you don't like it. Which is understandable. But I still would not comment on another's adult's hair.

OP what did you say to the kids when they mentioned her hair? I think I would've had strong words about making hurtful comments etc.

its just the kids had mentioned her hair was unwashed..take it from there smile just be kind and not rude about it smile

Blaming it on the children for noticing as though you're some poor innocent party who had absolutely no idea and didn't even notice is ridiculous!

It will lead to fewer invites for your dc as other mums may feel the same.

Happy- noooooo that's so awkward. Don't bring the kids into it at all.

How long has she actually been with you OP?

It is very unusual for a girl of her age to have such a lack of awareness about her appearance.
Does she dress fashionably or ever wear make up?

Is she British? Homesick? Does she have her own bathroom? I nannied once where I had to share the bathroom, not a problem in itself but the door had no lock at all. Three small children in the house and three other adults. I hated showering etc when they were there, used to shower/hairwash at 2pm every afternoon during the kids' nap time!

I'm amused at the amount of people who said it's none of OP's business

You must tell her! Be gentle and tactful but don't beat about the bush. I wouldn't go down 'I have seen this amazing shampoo' road as she clearly doesn't have enough self-awareness to connect the two. I'd ask if there's an issue with her shower that's stopping her from using it as you've noticed her hair doesn't look clean.

You'd be doing her a favour. She might not realise how important it is to be clean especially in a work setting.

It might be that there's a good reason for it. Sometimes people stop washing properly when they're experiencing a mental health problem. Someone I once knew had to avoid detergent for a while because of a skin complaint. It might be embarrassing for her.

I'm kind of with the posters who say 'be brief, blunt and kind,' but maybe also steer the conversation so that she can tell you if there's a problem?

I think you have valid reasons for saying something to her but make sure you say it in private to her (without children or anyone else around) and try to be as kind as possible!

Some of these responses are so awkward.

Asking her to do this role play where she makes a big deal of being clean for your children? Weird. Buying her a cheap, crap shampoo as a gift and then presenting it to her like its frankincense and myrrh that she "just has" to try. Weird.

Just be honest with her.

how long has she been with you..why dont you pull her aside and ask hows shes finding it ..settleing in ect ask her if she has managed to work everyting(i.eshower) ect and ask her if theres a reason she hadnt washed her hair is she able to use the shower or if theres another reason..tell her you know its a personal issue but you wanted to make there isnt an issue ..if she has no issurle just say oh im sorry its just the kids had mentioned her hair was unwashed..take it from there :) just be kind and not rude about it

At 19, and a nanny, I had horrifyingly greasy hair that I washed every day. It turned out it was the pill making my hormones go nuts. Is there a possibility she is washing her hair but it's just very greasy? You can't exactly all if she's on the pill though.

It also took me years to rebalance my hair from daily washing, I now only need to wash it twice a week.

Tbh I don't think there's a lot you can say other than reiterate that hygiene is important, and definitely put a stop to the hairbrush sharing.

Is it possible she has health issues causing the greasy hair (PCOS for example)? Or that she's depressed and uninterested in her appearance for that reason?

I empathise OP. I had a nanny who was a stranger to the ways of the shower. I spoke to her on her own about it and she grudgingly agreed to shower at least three times a week. TBH though, it soured things between us and as always in these things you have to work out if it's worth running the risk of her buggering off.

You don't have to be mean about it at all. Just matter of fact is the way to go. I have had to speak to staff in offices in similar manners. (I always got bloody elected as the manager to deal with the whiffers!) Good luck!

Get her to take the kids swimming every couple of days?

Lots of nurseries have instructions for staff about being clean, well presented, maintaining good personal hygiene, clean uniforms, no nail varnish etc.