When do children "love" the nanny?

I've had two nannies - my kids adored them. Far more than their mother
Very occasional leg clinging in the 1-2 age bracket, usually when slightly under the weather.

Listen to your gut I'm afraid. You also say that you have older children - some gentle quizzing about what goes on when they are around might be in order

How old are your older children? Could you ask them about how she is when you aren't there?

I had an aupair once who was perfectly nice to the children when I was there but quite nasty when I was gone.

Natasha, I think you should listen to what your children are telling you and find a different nanny.

Yes please don't even reply to that nonsense. You're doing what's right for your family.

OP, you really don't have to justify yourself to a GF who has a very tenuous grip on the realities of earning a living for a family.

It does sound like you could do better, in this case.

That said, I don't think it's fair to set "adoration" as a target. Our current nanny is fantastic - I have no doubts about her. Our youngest (14mo) adores her. Our eldest (3.5) I would say likes her, has fun with her and is happy to be left with her every day, but does not "adore" her and definitely prefers me.

I do think you need to be looking for someone your DC at least like though, and it doesn't sound like you have that.

Banana How did you find out the nanny was being awful to your son?

Op. I think it's time for you to look for another nanny. As others have said the children are telling you she isn't right for your family.

Why fuck off, exactly? Is it such a leap of the imagination that children unhappy with a nanny would be better off in the care of their actual parents?

Why do you dump your children on a nanny all day, exactly? If you can afford a nanny it's not likely because you have to go out to work is it?

Oh and yes to the biscuit.

When I used to nanny it was only school aged kids so different, but I would have been looking for a new job if they didn't like me after 4 months. It shouldn't take that long at all.

I think you need to make a decision. There will be a nanny out there who fits your family.

That's a well-aimed biscuit.

ignore the trollbot!

I agree with others, this nanny just doesn't sound like a great match for your family.

I think your youngest Dcs is telling you clearly how she feels and you should listen. If they haven't gelled it doesn't mean your nanny is bad nanny, she's just not a good fit for your family.

My eldest was like this with our first nanny. She turned out to be a very bad egg indeed. Not suggesting for a minute that this is the case, here, but I do think young children can let you know when things aren't right for them.

She was our first employee, so we didn't really know what we were doing and everybody said that he would 'settle', but he didn't. With good reason as she found out she was bloody awful to him.

The difference with his subsequent nanny was startling. He cried and cried with nanny 1, after three months of daily care, whereas he would smile and giggle and hold up his arms for hugs with Amelie after a couple of weeks. It an entirely different experience and you could see that they had bonded.

Follow your instinct - it doesn't always work. The chemistry may just be wrong.

I think feeling is right. My DCs really love our first and current nannies - our first nanny is still a really good friend and part of their lives. It must be very hard going back to work if you would really rather be at home. One thing that makes me feel more comfortable is that both our first and current nannies bring something different to the DCs lives, a different but close relationship, ideas, approaches to things, another person who cares deeply about them. And lots of fun and more patience than me!

When I had nanny 2 I never fully relaxed at work, always rushing home as I didn't want to leave them longer than I absolutely needed to. It was really draining and I was always slightly nervous leaving and coming home. With current nanny that has all gone and I enjoy coming back to the house and hearing about their day. They are excited and happy to see her in the morning and will talk about her if, say, we are on holiday ( well the oldest one who can talk!). Even if they are playing up there is a lightness to the way she deals with them.

For everyone's sake a nanny has to work for the whole family, if you have been having doubts for 4 months I think maybe she just isn't for your family?

We've only had one nanny but I think that you pay the premium not only for convenience and flexibility, but so that your kids will have a strong and healthy bond with their daytime caregiver. That is built through laughter, play etc. If that doesn't exist they may as well be in a nursery with a rotation of caregivers. Our nanny is exceptional, we're moving in a few weeks and all of us will be devastated to say goodbye

To be fair to the nanny, it could be that the children have to "behave " when she is there. (Not that they don't behave with you, but hopefully you know what I mean

Suggest changing the arrangement: nannies are an expensive form of childcare so IMO it's important to feel reasonably good about the person.

I had this with my second nanny. Nothing 'bad' but she just didn't get on with my DC1 and he never seemed truly happy. I had a gut feeling about it within the first week, but persevered because I thought he was maybe just missing his old nanny, was taking time to get to know and didn't want to be unfair.

For various reasons after 6 months we got a new nanny - other nanny was doing her job perfectly capabably, but it never felt 'right' and there didn't seem much laughter etc in the house. Nanny was fine about leaving which I think was a sign that things weren't working.

Current nanny both DC loved her straight away, and the difference in the house is noticeable and I feel happy to leave them and they are happy to be left again. Tbh I wish I had made the change straight away and trusted my instinct, and put my DC first. Other nanny just wasn't the right fit for my DC1.