Do you think this is appropriate?

I thought childminders were not allowed to use the word 'naughty' to a minded child. Well thats what my inspector told me. I have a very young minded child who has bitten me on a few occasions, the lo is teething at the moment!! I usually respond by nodding my head and saying uh uh, minded child knows I mean 'no'. If an older mindee hurt another, they would be given an explanation on how unkind it is to hurt somebody else.

On the subject of your childminder leaving your lo out while her children were eating - that's not acceptable but do check that it was not just a misunderstanding as others have indicated.

There is no way i would do that. Im sorry but one of the things I enjoy most about childminding is all the children eating together in the kitchen. the babies laughing at the older ones etc. Even if the parents were collecting the children early I'd give them a box of raisins or something so they could all join in. Naughty steps etc for 16 month olds - what!! I dont think it makes any difference that he's your little boy if you genuinely like being around children then you couldnt exclude them in that way.

Also building relationships with a new parent can be very difficult. Perhaps it didn't actually happen as it came across. I don't enjoy telling a parent if something like that has happened - but they need to know. There have been a few times I have spoke to a parent again the next day to make sure they didn't misunderstand me - especially if I have been interrupted while speaking to them.

I think you need to have a chat with your cm - with no kids around. Tell her when your sons eats and what you do and don't mind him having as a snack.

hiya

I agree that shutting your child out is not right.

However as you are both just getting to know each other I suspect there has been some confusion in your discussion.

As said by others I ask for a routine of eating times. I have one parent who does not allow any snacks after 3pm as their lo will not eat her tea. That can be very difficult when my after school kids are having snack. We have agreed though that this lo will be fed their tea at mine on mums late night.

I feed my 13month old at 4.30pm as because my pick ups are between 4.30 - 5.30pm sometimes she wasn't getting her tea until 5.45pm. I don't give children their tea unless asked to as most families like to eat together. I would not wait to feed my own children.

As for the biting - I would have as said by others told the child this was a naughty thing to do - sorry but I don't think that you can explain why it is unacceptable to a 16mth old. I would have placed your child slightly away while checked the other child was ok. We would have then tried to say sorry. That would be it - it would be forgotton. I would tell the parent as biting is not acceptable - some nurseries actually 'expell' children who will not stop. So it is important children learn it is not allowed.

Wrong.

I think she should have waited until your child had gone before feeding hers. Or give him a piece of fruit or bread if she didn't want/wasn't meant to give him a meal. I would never feed some kids and not others in my house. It is all or nothing.

Telling him he is naughty for biting is wrong. He hasn't done it to be naughty. He could be teething, frustrated, hungry.

Not sure how I feel about the fact she has told you. Could be because she wants to be open or honest or could be because she doesn't see anything wrong in what has gone on today.

jamum,yes your cm should give you a copy of the report when she recieves it....prob about 4 weeks time.
did she tell you what grade she got and how the inspection went?

Hello there!

First I'm shocked that she shut him out bless him, he must of been so confused. I only offer lunch and snacks, we all have something after the school run 4pm ish and this keeps everyone going. By the time my last mindies go at 5:30pm I start tea for mine to sit down 6 - 6:30pm, I don't offer tea to parents as it's never been an issue as they have toast, crumpets, crackers fruit etc 4pm to keep them going.

Secondly! My ds now 2 started biting at 16 months when I had a new mindie start (me fortunatly) it does tend to happen aroung this age, but never called her naughty just biting was not nice as it hurts and showed her the mark. This lasted 2-3 months (2/3 times a week :-( ) Then again when she started creche when turned two (Sept.) Again a new change in her little life, your childminder should account for this change to ds just starting and I would not be best pleased if I found out the creche put her into the 'naughty corner' for it. I think the pre-school have a time out! Which is just the same surely!!

HTH, do talk to her as it may be an misunderstanding

I know there are all sorts of very good reasons why some of the children are eating and some aren't, but I don't think any of the reasons are good enough to justify this child's distress. He cannot understand it. He's too young. I would coordinate his meals with those of the other children or find a different childcare setting with a routine that suits yours more closely.

And I would be desperately unhappy about the way this CM handled it. Did she raise her concerns about the situation with you? Because I really think she should have been as upset about shutting a distressed child out of a room as you were.

TBH I think the CM did handle this badly. But it can be tricky. DS does not eat at the CM as we prefer him to eat at home with us. However two of the other mindees do, and the CM was giving him a snack but the slice of toast at 5.15 was spoiling his tea at 6. Although DS is older (5) so understands why X and Y are eating and he isn't.

I have some that eat and 2 that don't, though I always offer (could be my cooking) if they dont want dinner and mum doesnt mind either way, then I offer an alternative healthy snack.

I have a time out bottom stair, it works with some and others.........well, they just keep getting up. Perhaps Im just to soft, but i NEVER use naughty word, we talk about it, and explain why it shouldnt happen.

jamum,i do sympathise with you and think that your cm needs a course on behaviour management!

as a cm (or any type of childcare) you do have to be very carefull about ensuring you do as the parent wishes.which is why you do have to give clear instructions.its not that all us cms are stupid{hmm} and cant think for ourselves its that we HAVE to follow parents wishes.

altho it sounds fine that your cm should use her common sense to feed your child at the end of the day if there is food left for him in his lunch pack.....what if you had a big meal waiting for him at home? or were going out for diner? or the food in his lunch pack was to take to nanny and grandads/friends (whoever!!) after the cms?

jamum, I would feel exactly the same as you. Sitting him in a chair and telling him he was naughty would not be the approach I would want taken - I would expect her to say a firm no and remove him from the other child and ignore him for a short length of time - a minute or so. I don't think labelling it naughty is at all helpful. It would be naughty at 5 years old - at 16 months it's not naughtiness, it's experimentation and lack of capacity to imagine that others feel pain. She just needs to remove him, then divert him.

Going for the sitting on chair approach and labelling it naughty is poles apart from where I think you are.....

and I agree with greensleeves, it was very bizarre not to sit him in the highchair with a bit of fruit or something.

Definitely if you stay with this childminder, get EVERYTHING in writing to avoid any future misunderstanding, as it sounds as if her style of parenting is very different to yours.

Like nzshar said, i find it very odd that you and your childminder did not discuss tea times before care started. All these details should be written down in the meetings before care.. I ask my parents to complete a daily routine for their child from getting up to going to bed so I know what they are doing throughout the day. 1 of my mindees has tea with me the others go home for tea. my own dd gets fed when the mindees are here, but sits in the kitchen and the children stay in the lounge, i go between both to make sure everyone is ok.

As for the naughty step, i know lots of cms who use a naughty step (some with the consent of parents).

Biting in my house is not acceptable and the child who bites will be told that biting is naughty.

I much rather my DS has tea at my childminders house - she does;t feed him what I would by any stretch and some of it makes me wince.... but when I see his sat at a table with 8 other children (4 her own), feeding himself like I have never seen and conversing in his own 2 year old way with his best pal (her daughter) at his left elbow - and then reap the benefits of this socialisation at home...

I think it is mean as anything to shut your child out. Why not ask her to give him his tea?

Did she say it was the "naughty chair"? At my son's school they have a "thinking chair" both in the class and out in the playground which is in effect is the same as a naughty chair. I agree with another post about calling the act naughty and not the child.

My mindees parents prefer their children to have tea at my house because they won't eat at their own homes!!

Message withdrawn

I think you need to speak to her asap. Seems really odd to seperate a baby from others whilst eating, toast raisens or fruit of some sort even a very small amount, was the child minder recommended to you, and did you do trial sessions? Just wondered and maybe a bit nosey sorry if you think I am and good luck

Argh! No no no.. we were told specifically in our NCMA course not use a naughty chair or step under any circumstance, and I would think a 16 month old would be hard pressed to understand.

Also, he would have no idea why he was being excluded from meal times. I am really curious on why she wouldn't discuss that with you in the first place. Surely she could have let him just sit with them.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all.

What I am finding strange is that you say that you have not discussed tea times surely either one of you would want to know about this. I dont see why she would have to alter her families teatime but as long as she was trying to distract your ds by playing etc then I really dont see the problem. I personally think that maybe she thought as Katymac said that she didnt want to feed him and spoil his appetite for his tea at home, I know a lot of parents who are adament that they want to have the evening meal with their children.

I do think that the putting in the chair thing is probably a little ott for a 16 month old the understanding of consequences does not really start until around 2 so it has no real benefits at all.

I have to say I am presuming the minder was in the room with your child - if he were by himself then that is a different issue

If she has any wits about her at all, it should have been bloody obvious that it was wrong to shut a 16mo baby out of a room in which people were eating, especially as you arrived early to pick him up. I wouldn't be happy I'm afraid.